On Planetross: Old Year’s/New Year’s Festivities

 

The welcoming of the New Year is a big event on Planetross, but saying goodbye to the Old Year is just as important.

Before midnight on the last day of the year, crowds gather in front of  giant Fat Screen Tron Jumbos and watch the Old Year’s cardiogram monitor slowly weaken. People cry, gnash their teeth, and whimper a lot as the monitor goes flatline.

There is a minute of great anticipation to see if the New Year will arrive: it’s called, ” Justaminute” or sometimes “Programming Will Resume Shortly“.

Then at 12:01 the monitor starts working again. Everyone congratulates each other and sings the traditional song from the rock opera Tommy by The Who:

It’s a boy, Mrs. Walker, it’s a boy.
It’s a boy, Mrs. Walker, it’s a boy!
A son! A son! A son!
Hear the joyful celebrations in the street!
It’s a boy born on this first day of peace!
We’ve won! A son! We’ve won!

It’s all quite normal if you live here.

 

note: the first child born in the New Year is called Roger Daltrey; boy or girl.

double note: One year the heart monitor didn’t start again for 15 minutes; that wasn’t good.

triple note: If people don’t like the New Year, they just start over. For example: 2009A, 2009B, …
One year it got down to “Q“!  The marshmellow crop  failed that year.

quadruple note: the other On Planetross‘ are still orbiting and andbiting.

*SPECIAL NOTE*  I hope everyone has a great New Year’s!!! I’m off to Yokohama and Tokyo for a few days of wandering around aimlessly.

 

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Virgins

 

“Excuse me!

The sign says you are not virgin. Is that correct?

I can show you how to become even less virgin.”

“hee hee hee hee hee”  produced in low growly salivating voice.

 

*SPECIAL NOTE*  sorry, I got carried away. I think there are 5 new entries here. I’m done for the night … maybe.

note: I think the staff are all married or in meaningful relationships.

double note: soap shop people are so promiscuous.

triple note: some shops will do anything for a sale!

quadruple note: I’m starting to like the direction this recycling craze is going!

 

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The Blue Monkey #11

 

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime  face wrinkles will be eliminated.

Some people will buy wrinkle cream just to be retro.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8
             The Blue Monkey #9
             The Blue Monkey #10

 

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Space

I’m getting tired of these spacewalks!

Can’t they do a spacejog or a spacerun once in a while?

 

note: Why are there no robotic legs on these space shuttle/space station thingys? Just an arm … always an arm!  Are we expecting to defeat aliens in an armwrestle or something?

double note: it’s not really walking anyway; it’s more floating/swimming/drifting.

triple note: photo taken in December 2005  in Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia.

quadruple note: If I were a robot, I’d want my bank PIN to be the same as my serial number; that would make life easy!

 

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If I Live To Be A Hundred …

 

I will never forget daydreaming in the passenger seat of a car and seeing a guy up ahead with a camera on the side of the busy road. 
I then noticed a woman with a long fur coat standing on some steps used by railway workers.

I remember thinking, “Why are they taking photos there? The scenic river view is on the other side of the road.”

While I was thinking this thought and slowly turning my head  because I am a nosey person … the woman opened up the fur coat and was wearing nothing underneath but her birthday suit!!!

“Turn around! Turn around!” I screamed at my girlfriend driving the car.

She wouldn’t. 

 

note: Later, telling this story to everyone I knew, they all asked the same question: “Was the woman Japanese?”   To which I replied, “How should I know, I wasn’t looking at her face!”

double note: driving passed this place always makes me smile.

triple note: sorry the photo is blurry; I got all shaky for some reason.

 

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Evolution

 

I’ve tried as hard as I can, but it’s too difficult.

No matter what I do, I can’t evolve; not even a little bit.

It must take a really long time or something.

 

note: somedays I think I’m devolving. I keep looking to see if I’m growing a tail yet.

double note: I’ve tried revolving, but that just makes me dizzy.

triple note: If humans evolve in to “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” style lifeforms, say goodbye to hair products!!!

 

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Time

 

I love time; or more importantly the illusion of time.

I like the feeling of having time: excess time, squandering time, puttering time.

I go to work early, so I don’t feel rushed. I always have plenty of time, but I do it anyway.

I enjoy going to bed knowing I have a lot of free time in the morning to sleep in. I never do, but the feeling comforts me.

I love open ended vacations:  just go until the money or myself runs out.  Before a short holiday, the sense of not enough time looms large.  I usually come back satisfied that I did everything I wanted to, but the “not enough time” feeling returns while thinking about the next short holiday.

I plan for a day off once I’m back from a short holiday too. I might really have nothing to do but laundry; but I need it anyway.

Maybe I stay away from doctors because I want to keep the ultimate illusion of having time: time to do everything.

Maybe I just don’t like doctors.

Time is great; but for me, the illusion of time is better.

It’s the illusion that keeps me ticking most days.

 

note: I’m on a few of my “squandering time” days at the moment. I have a few more planned before I go back to work.

double note: I don’t think I’m going to like growing old very much. There won’t be enough time to do it. But I hope I get the chance to do it anyway.

 

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On Planetross: The Movesies and Nomovesies

 

On Planetross the movesies and nomovesies are very interesting.

There are waterclimbs and slowpids, small continents and large islands, tiny oceans and giant lakes, lush deserts and desolate sunforests, small mountains and large hills, barren jungles and outdoor caves, and many bottomless piles.

Zepanties and  goodbyepopotamuses roam free. 

Vegetable flies and manbugs buzz around rainflowers and dandetigers.

People plant trees in their gardens and harvest flowers to keep their houses warm.

Dragonwalks, grassstanders, cees and waterflies arrive in Spring.

Summer brings firemelons, cob on the corn, busrots, threematos, line-upcumbers, and something that looks like an orange but it’s blue.

Kangaroobarb, deflatekins, and chickenplants grow wild.

Fall falls and Winter wins.

There are 3 other seasons, but only people on the the small seas experience them; and they don’t talk about them much.

It’s all quite normal if you live here.

 

note: On Planetross is still orbiting.

double note: the spellcheck went crazy!!!

triple note: What came first the eggplant or the chickenpox?

 

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The Year Of The ???

Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

Sure 2009 is almost here, but what is the next animal in the Chinese Zodiac?

 

The Year of the Stitch??  Wrong!!

 

 

The Year of the Hello Kitty??  Wrong again!!!

 

 

The Year of the Bugs?  Wrong again … again!!

Three strikes for you Hot Shot!!

 

I’ll narrow it down for you.

 

That’s right Hot Shot! It’s going to be … The Year of the …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

COW!!!!!!!!  COW!!!!!!!   COW!!!!!!!!   COW!!!!!!!!!   COW!!!!!!!!

 

note: in Japan it’s called the “Year of the Cow” not the “Year of the Ox“.  All the merchandise is ready for January 1st!! It makes life so much easier.

double note: in Japan people send New Year’s postcards. The Post Office keeps the cards and waits until January 1st to deliver them all!! How cool is that? mildly cool I guess.

triple note: on January 1st in Japan, the “National 3 Legged Race” championships are televised. All the best Junior High School teams compete to be #1!   Not just 2 people with their legs tied together, but 20 or so people. (seriously)  It does look pretty cool!  

quadruple note: if you hover the cursor over the pictures, there is a little caption. That takes time you know! … just saying.

 

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Vest Human

 

I know my Japanese is less than great, but … I wouldn’t make up stickers for my van without getting a second opinion.

 

note:  a basectomy doesn’t sound so horribly bad now.

double note: b‘s and v‘s take a veating ober here; r‘s and l‘s do too! I think in Japan I’m “pranetloss“!

triple note: I think that kid is holding a broccoli icecream cone too!

quadruple note: I’ve put on 3 entries tonight: check out the other 2 if you are so inclined.

 

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