Mixing Up Words

 

I always mix these 2 places up.

I think I`m dumping my orange peels and coffee grounds at the wrong location.

 

note: in the event of an emergency, I`ll be at one of these 2 places.

double note: that compost pile has really deteriorated.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

If I’m Here, It Must Be Today #6

 

 

Today I felt good enough to go to the doctor.

 

subtitle:    ”Hard To Breathe”   She asphyxiated me, but I wasn’t really broken.

I’ll try to do one of these a day, until I run out of  Kelly Pettit  song titles! He’s got 4 CDs, so it should take a while.

“Hard To Breathe” from Kelly Pettit’s  ”FUEL”.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Monkey See, Monkey Do

While sitting in the park eating, I  imagined the people around me as monkeys.
I watched their movements, mannerisms, and facial expressions.

It was pretty funny.

Then I finished my banana, scratched my bum, and wandered off.

 

note: don`t do this by the monkey cages at the zoo; it gets confusing.

double note: some people wouldn`t be clever monkeys.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

If I’m Here, It Must Be Today #5

 

Today developed like a bad photo.

 

subtitle:    “Someday”    Any day with Math is a someday.

I’ll try to do one of these a day, until I run out of  Kelly Pettit  song titles! He’s got 4 CDs, so it should take a while.

“Someday” from Kelly Pettit’s  ”FUEL”.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Trivial Bets

Don’t you love trivial bets?

No money involved … just your absolute certainty up against someone else’s absolute certainty.

Before the answer is discovered, you can …

trashtalk and browbeat each other severely.

list all the reasons why you are correct and why the other person is wrong  … although that never seems to persuade the other person.

question the other person’s mental health for being so misinformed.

make exaggerated “I can’t believe you think that!” facial expressions along with verbal chastisements like “You’ll see!” and “You are so wrong!” and “How can you live!“.  (that last ones my favourite)

… and once the answer is looked up and verified … because no one admits defeat without a second opinion, the winner basks in glory for about 5 seconds before the loser tries for redemption with another trivial question.

 

note: a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing … but little bits of knowledge is okay.

double note: it’s getting more difficult to go through the entire arsenal of taunts now that Google is around.

triple note: “crib” isn’t trivial … I was just dusting off the board in preparation for the arrival of my crib playing sister and thought it was a good visual aid to do with scoring points.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

If I’m Here, It Must Be Today #4

 

Today everything looked a lot clearer.

It was like being in a 3D movie or something.

 

subtitle:    “Make It Hollywood”  
 
Hollywood is like Bollywood but with less dancing and more kissing … and that “H” at the beginning.

 

I’ll try to do one of these a day, until I run out of  Kelly Pettit  song titles! He’s got 4 CDs, so it should take a while.

“Make It Hollywood” from Kelly Pettit’s  ”FUEL”.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

On Planetross: Peligion and Rolitics

 

On planetross “peligion” and “rolitics” are the common seasonings found on most kitchen tables.

They are both naturally gray, so people get them confused quite often.

Some people really like peligion, some rolitics, some both, and some neither.

It’s just a matter of taste really.

 

note: I don’t usually talk about seasonings on this blog because I don’t have a kitchen table.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

If I’m Here, It Must Be Today #3

 

Today I wasn’t sure if it was windy or I was just walking really fast.

 

subtitle:

“Make Me Crazy”    No one made me crazy: I’m self-made.
                                   Sometimes there is a designated driver involved.

I’ll try to do one of these a day, until I run out of  Kelly Pettit  song titles! He’s got 4 CDs, so it should take a while.

“Make Me Crazy” from Kelly Pettit’s  ”FUEL”.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Genetiquette

There should be more “genetiquette”!

They say it’s a 50/50 thing, but predominantly one parent seems to give more crap than the other.
That’s just bad manners or something.

It seems to be more of the chromosome and less of the chromofew!

 

note: I think I have 23 pairs of chromosomes, but some are in the wash right now.

double note: good genes, bad genes, and acid washed!

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

If I’m Here, It Must Be Today #2

 

Today I was under so much pressure, I turned into a diamond for a few hours.

 

subtitle:

The “World is Turning”!   I think my milk is turning too!

 

I’ll try to do one of these a day, until I run out of  Kelly Pettit  song titles! He’s got 4 CDs, so it should take a while.

“World is Turning” from Kelly Pettit’s  ”FUEL”.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/