Another Bellybutton Anniversary!

 

No candles on my birthday cake this year.

I’m on “BirthDaylight Saving Time“.

 

note: it’s always a “birthday” … never a “birthnight“!

double note: some people see birthdays as a “millstones“, I just see them as “milestones“.

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Today #105

Today I get to be 46 all day!!!
… What! I don’t go back to 45 tomorrow!!!
What a rip-off!!!

The Blue Monkey #15

 

The Blue Monkey predicts …

In our lifetime there will be an end to all “End of the World” groups.
… possibly this won’t be a good thing.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8
             The Blue Monkey #9
             The Blue Monkey #10
             The Blue Monkey #11
             The Blue Monkey #12
             The Blue Monkey #13
               The Blue Monkey #14

 

notes to myself #13

When you are 7 do not eat the chocolate Elizabeth offers you; it’s unsweetened baking chocolate.

The Blue Monkey #14

 

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime all people will be animated for their entire life … like The Simpsons; … and then they will be inanimate.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8
             The Blue Monkey #9
             The Blue Monkey #10
             The Blue Monkey #11
             The Blue Monkey #12
             The Blue Monkey #13

 

note: the drawing incredibly enhanced by nathaliewithanh.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

The Blue Monkey #13

 

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime people will continue to get taller and taller.

But not you, … that’s just how it works.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8
             The Blue Monkey #9
             The Blue Monkey #10
             The Blue Monkey #11
             The Blue Monkey #12

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

The Blue Monkey #12

 

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime  “The Catcher in the Rye” will be made in to a film.

Everyone who has ever read the book will be disappointed that the actor playing Holden Caulfield doesn’t look more like they did when they were 16 years old.
… even women.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8
             The Blue Monkey #9
             The Blue Monkey #10
             The Blue Monkey #11

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

I’m An Electricity Failure Failure

When there is a blackout, birthday candles are pretty useless;

because … what are the chances of it happening on your birthday, or … actually having any birthday cake close at hand!

 

note: power outages always happen at the wrong time … it’s always the wrong time after a power outage too.

double note: I think I lose a lot of my daylight savings at night!

triple note: power poles during a blackout are just boring totem poles.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

The Blue Monkey #11

 

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime  face wrinkles will be eliminated.

Some people will buy wrinkle cream just to be retro.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8
             The Blue Monkey #9
             The Blue Monkey #10

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

The Blue Monkey #10

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime  unrelated corporations and scientific research facilities will merge with Candy companies and produce hybrid products like “jelly beanie babies” and “Reece’s Rhesus Monkey Pieces“.

Most will fail.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8
             The Blue Monkey #9

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

The Blue Monkey #9

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime  shoelaces will become obsolete.

However, children will still be laughed at for not being able to fasten their velcro straps.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Randall’s Crandles

This is the story of Randall’s time spent in Time-Out city.

Nine year old Randall was like most other children his age: rottenish. He never wrote letters to his grandmother to thank her for gifts; never ate all his vegetables; and never ever brushed his teeth properly or squeezed the toothpaste tube from the bottom.

 

Eventually he was arrested for repeatedly going down the up escalator and up the down escalator at a local department store. His sentence was to be served in Time-Out city where he would have to earn enough money to pay his fine. To make money, children were given the barest of materials and had to use their imagination to create products that people would buy.

Fed only parsley left over from local restaurant dinner plates and forced to sleep on old bristly “WELCOME” mats, the incentive to succeed was great. 

 

Some children made underwear out of lint from clothes’ dryers. Some children sewed old elevator buttons on to even older shirts; some sold broken shoelaces for broken shoes. One child even sold extra belt holes!

Randall was only given crayon bits that were too small to use for coloring. He tried selling them as they were, but that proved impossible. 

Hungry and sad, little Randall molded the crayon bits in to candle form by warming and squeezing them together in his hands. The birthday candle sized candles looked very nice, but they were missing one candle element: they had no wicks.

He sat on the sidewalk with his colorful unlightable crayon candles displayed in a shoe box with lettering on the front proclaiming “CRANDLES“. Day after day people passed by, peered into his shoebox, and walked away shaking their heads laughing.

Finally after weeks of people peering but not buying, a man came and looked interestingly at Randall’s Crandles. 

“Can you light them?” the man asked.

“No” Randall answered ready for rejection.

“Good, I’ll buy them all.” replied the man.

“What will you use them for?” Randall asked enquiringly.

“I will sell them to people so happy and content that they don’t need to make birthday wishes. Most of these people are pretty old, so they will need to buy a lot of them.” answered the man.

And that is how Randall made enough money to pay his fine and return to his home where he always rode store escalators the proper way and even used the handrails occasionally.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/