Monthly Archives: April 2010

Have A Seat

 

Sit down, I  will tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a clickmaker, not a clockmaker.

He knew about time, but was unconcerned.

He made the best click machines, but nobody wanted them.

The best clockmaker … everybody wanted his stuff.

The clickmaker went nowhere.

 

note: sometimes ideas go nowhere.

double note: sorry.

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notes to myself  #174

You don’t make sense a lot of the time.

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Gravitationally Influential

 

It’s the moon’s fault.

 

note: the moon makes me crazy! … all that cheese and I can’t reach it!

double note: as for the moon, what goes around comes around.

triple note: I guess if I lived on the moon, I’d say the moon’s Earth more often than the Earth’s moon. It’s all a matter of where I am standing … or perspective … or something like that.

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notes to myself #173

Be careful when using cheese graters.

Fishes And Deers

 

The problem with fish and deer

Is you never know how many are near.

 

note:

Is there anything more embarrassin’
Than ordering deer meat instead of venison?

double note: I can always find snowmen. You are not safe from poetry. You’ve been warned. You can blame Ogden Nash.

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notes to myself #172

You don’t really get a 5 o’clock shadow … I think it has something to do with daylight savings maybe.

Some Days #6

 

Some days I’m so slow the clock’s second hand laps me.

 

note: which one is the first and third hand again?

double note: apologies for being scarcer than usual over at all your blogs. I’m off on holidays, back to work for a few days, then off on holidays again. I’ll be in and out of it for the next few weeks, but I’ll be back May 5th! Have fun without me!

triple note: the other Some Days are still here  and here and here and here and here.

quadruple note: yes, that is snow on the ground and cherry blossoms on the trees. I’ve never seen that before.

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notes to myself #171

One day you will weigh more than a panther! I know, it’s hard to believe!

Teenagers

 

I know exactly how teenagers feel about older people;

… the same way I do when I’m crawling along behind some slow driver.

“Pull over and let me pass!”

Teenagers should be called “lifegaters”.

 

note: the younger the person, the bigger the hurry.

double note: when there is a big pile of traffic crawling along behind me … it’s not me who’s slow, it’s my van.

triple note: I pull myself over regularly.

quadruple note: the “triple note” sounds funny for some reason.

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notes to myself #170

When in doubt … do nothing.
You will be fifty percent right most of the time.

Shoeless Horses

 

 

Whenever I see people playing horseshoes …

I always think of the poor horses who had to walk home from the party in their socks.

 

note: a shoeless horse isn’t a shoe horse; a naked horse isn’t a clothes horse either.

double note: I consider cows “hippies” because they walk around without shoes all the time … and they look kind of out of it too.

triple note: are horses the only animal that wears shoes? … other than that chimp who stole mine of course.

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notes to myself #169

Deer don’t leave footprints. They wear hooves dummy!

Salt

 

Snow and slugs both disappear when you put salt on them;

… they must be made of the same thing.

 

note: no one makes snow-slugs anymore for some reason.

double note: I put MSG on a slug, but it just got a headache.

triple note: maybe people just call it “melting” when they put salt on snow and ice … because then children won’t cry … or ask for a lot of salt.

quadruple note: I think … once salt has been put on snow, it attracts animals who unintentionally eat all the snow while eating the salt.
The animals that unintentionally eat slugs while eating the salt must be really really really small … because I never see them with my naked eyes.

quintuple note: are there Dead Sea slugs?

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notes to myself #168

You don’t use salt very often; only on cucumbers, when boiling pasta, or if a recipe specifically mentions it.

Most Days

 

Most days I’m somewhere between buying a dog

… and buying a one way airplane ticket.

 

note: it must be spring, the hands of time are back on this clock.

double note: most things are vitally unimportant.

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notes to myself #167

Your passport is like one of those golden tickets in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Hard Core

 

Do you know who is hard core?

People who bring their own condiments and sauces to restaurants: horseradish, Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, tabasco sauce, relish, mustard, BBQ sauce, all spice,…

That takes dedication, planning, and possibly shot tastebuds.

Maybe they carry the stuff in their car’s glove compartment just in case: insurance papers, emergency flare, tabasco sauce, …

I’m going to start doing this … with toothpicks.

I’m not really a toothpick person, but I want something I can pull out of my pocket so the ketchup guy doesn’t think I’m soft.

And nothing says hard core tough guy more than a toothpick!

… well maybe an icepick does, but I don’t get ice stuck in my teeth very often.

 

note: photo of Kobe beef devoured by moi in Kobe on New Year’s Day. Seriously, you can eat that stuff with a spoon … because they cut it up into spoon sized pieces.

double note: sorry I’ve been distractelated lately. The big project is almost over. Or it could just be a little project in hindsight.

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notes to myself #166

You haven’t had the worst day of your life yet. I haven’t had it either, but I’m sure there has got to be a real doozy coming eventually.

I Have Culture!

 

I found the ancient remains of a civilization in my freezer!

… behind the ancient remains of something that I thought I might have wanted to eat at one time.

 

note: I know my fridge is old, but I didn’t think it was that old!

double note: defrosting cakes is so much more enjoyable than defrosting freezers.

triple note: some things are freezer burnt beyond all recognition.

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notes to myself #165

Sometimes you are very motivated,  but usually your motivation is purely for entertainment value.
… like trying to get high score on Mario Brothers 2.