Pork and Beans

Why is “high quality pork” only in Pork and Beans?

Sure, there is a bit in bacon, ham, pork chops, and pork roast; and a little hiding in sausage.

but …

that delicious lump of pork in each can of Pork and Beans always leaves me yearning for more.

 

note: I bet if they sold Bean and Porks with just a single bean sitting atop a can of scrumptious pork, the price would be astronomical!

http://humor-blogs.com/

Where’s The Friggin’ Point?

 

 

I do not weep at the world I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife.

Zora Neale Hurston

 

With apologies to Pat Coakley and her great idea for a series: “What’s the Friggin’ Point?”

at Single For A Reason:

http://singleforareason.wordpress.com/2008/06/27/whats-the-friggin-point/

 

I couldn’t help myself.

Spare

 

Spare ribs: Great!

Spare time: Great!

Spare in bowling: next best thing to a strike!

Spare parts: always good to have around!

Spare tire: great in an emergency! (unless it’s around your waist)

Spare change: “Sorry, I don’t have any on me.”

http://humor-blogs.com/

Local Knowledge Necessary

It is not down in any map; true places never are.  ~Herman Melville

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Memories in a wink, of other times;

My pockets full of expectations, circumstances, and chances.

In my thoughts a thousand smiles, dreams to be true for the taking.

pr

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I Saw a Man

I saw a man pursuing the horizon; Round and round they sped. I was disturbed at this; I accosted the man. “It is futile,” I said, “You can never — “”You lie,” he cried, And ran on. Stephen Crane

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Inspired by: Pat Coakley‘s “Local Knowledge Necessary” at Single for a Reason http://singleforareason.wordpress.com/

Regurgitation

 

 

I’ve got a pretty strong system. I don’t “regurgitate” my food very often.

but to be fair …

I don’t think I usually “gurgitate” my food in the first place.

note: shouldn’t a medical dictionary be called an “afflictionary“?

double note:

Herring gull chicks peck at a red spot on their parents’s bill to induce their parents to regurgitate food.

Planetross punches drunk friends in the stomach to induce his friends to regurgitate food.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Names

I bet it sucks having the last name “Disney”.

If you aren’t related to that corporation somehow and have pots of money, you were definitely born with a disadvantage.

I’m glad my last name is “Exxon”!

 

note: “Shithead” for a last name wouldn’t be good either.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Scarecrows

 

 

 

Birds can’t be very smart, if they continue to be fooled by scarecrows.

or

People can’t be very smart, if they continue to believe scarecrows are effective against birds.

 
Maybe if they drew a really mean face on the scarecrow, that might work better.

 

 

 

note: My mother used to shoot a few crows and hang them from our cherry trees.
Crows don’t like that for some reason.
Maybe they didn’t like the string my mother used to tie them up.

http://humor-blogs.com/

Matey

Why do people think I’m Australian when I say, “No worries, matey”?

I’m not Australian.

I’m a frickin’ Pirate!

 

note: an “eye patch” isn’t a field where you grow eyes.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

 

Smoke

 

I don’t think it’s a good idea to “blow smoke up someone’s ass“.

Second hand smoke is bad for you!

Everyone knows that!

 

 

 

 

note: Who smokes by people’s asses anyway?

http://humor-blogs.com/

Greed, Human Nature, or Something Else?

Why is it …

 when people find money they always look around for more money? 

A random dollar floating through a parking lot will make most people seriously scour the area for more wind swept money.

Is it greed, human nature,  or something else that makes people do this?

note: “find a penny, pick it up, all the day you’ll have good luck“.

 What if it’s that “bad penny” that always comes back to you?

It’s going to come back to you anyway; why pick it up?

http://humor-blogs.com/