Monthly Archives: January 2009

Whose Table Is That?

Barry Un's Table

 

note: groan

 

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Q-Tips

psssstt ... you have dirty ears

 

Are Q-tips the Western equivalent to fortune cookies?

… they never tell me anything except that I have dirty ears.

 

note: pssst. I got nothing.

double note: I’m listening, but no tips are forthcoming.

triple note: It’s going to be another good ‘ear!

 

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What’s Bred In The Bone

a marrow escape

 

 
I finally figured out why I haven’t been lucky lately.

I’ve been buying “wishboneless” chicken!

 

note: it still tastes great; no bones about it!

double note: I bet chickens wished they didn’t have wishbones … and were extremely dangerous and tasted bad and stuff.

triple note: rubber chickens make me gag!

quadruple note: rubber chickens only have funny bones.

 

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Wednesday Mornings

I don’t work until 1 pm.
So, usually once a week on Wednesday mornings I go for an onsen (hotbath) at a place that’s a 40 minute drive away.

Probably 75% of the ideas I get for this blog come while I am driving to this place: ideas float through my head at irregular intervals regularly for some reason. I jot them down when I am at stoplights. I don’t know why I think of such stupid things; I just do.
It’s all quite normal if you live here.

This is what I saw and thought on the way to where I was going this week:

dirty van may appear larger than it really is

Oh! I like driving behind these trucks. It’s like having a massive rearview mirror!

“I guess technically a person that has their legs amputated is delapitated.”

north

There are a lot of ski resorts in that direction … and in all the other directions as well.

“Do people wear jean belts with leather pants?”

sleepy place

The drive to the onsen takes me up in to the mountains through little sleepy communities with sleepy pockets of people living in them.

“I’m wearing an irreversible sweater!”

 

hobbit house

There are a lot of houses I notice as I pass by them unnoticed. I like this one for some reason. Sorry my air-freshner got in to the picture: it’s stale cigarette scented.
I put up a new one after I took this photo. Now my van smells like a giant coconut!

“It must be tough being  Brad Pitt. What a crappy name really. I choose to pity him. He could never name his daughter ‘Cherry’. That must suck.”

 

another hobbit house

This is the only thatched roof house I see on the way.

“Can throwing up vegetables be classified as re-producing?”

not a hobbit house

This building always makes me think of English architecture for some reason; it’s a bit out of place.

“Anorexics should start 2nd helping themselves.”

 

mainstreet nowhere

I pass convenience stores and small restaurants; open skidoo shops and closed apple markets; small wood factories and smaller car lots; open rice fields and closed businesses.

“Spoonlifts are needed to empty swimming pools.”

 

pretty quiet in the fields at the moment

The fields are pretty quiet and brown this time of year, but at other times they are very busy and green.

“Aquaduct tape! I bet the Romans would have paid big money for that stuff.”

available spaces

And finally I arrive at the onsen’s parking lot. It’s usually pretty quiet since everyone normal is at work. It’s just me and some old guys usually.

“There should be a parking lottery.”
(hey that one kind of goes with the picture!)

 

I enter the lobby, put my shoes in a locker, pay my money, and flirt with the ladies behind the counter with incredibly witty lines like: “I have a pre-paid ticket” and ” Good morning” and “Thank you”.

“Edible Pizza Boxes: Money Making Scheme ????”

the cleaning lady saw me in my underwear!

 

This is the locker room. It was pretty empty today; usually I wouldn’t venture a picture. The shower room and the inside onsen are through those doors at the end.

“Cartoon character are pretty typecast usually.”

 

the pools

These are the pools where I always sit and think “if I built a house over there and bought a good quality telescope, I could check out the ladies bath!

But  usually I’m just thinking that a lot of the old guys who come at the same time as me are really not following the onsen rules. I don’t think they can read pictures! 
The “top left hand corner” rule is seriously being broken repeatedly again and again.

readable pictures

 Easily followable guidelines for the onsen.

 

you'd probably want to stop there

 After the onsen I get back into my van and make the trip back home. I always have to wait too long at this intersection.

 

maybe a double bypass in the future

 I live on a bypass around the city. They keep sticking new sets of traffic lights in which tends to slow traffic down for some reason. The city should think about building a double bypass maybe.

 

almost home

My house is just through the lights on the left. I usually just go in for a few minutes and then head to work for the day … where I will write up some ideas and throw out other ones.
Not everything makes the cut on planetross.

 

note: I even started drawing a little illustration to accompany the “Can throwing up vegetables be classified as re-producing?” before I realized that one was a bit nasty.

ruuupp ruuuppp ratatouille spewy

 

double note: I’ll put on the one I thought was the best of the bunch next.

 

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Oblivious

I'm in the middle of the road!

 

dut dut dut dut dut dut dut dut dut dut dut …

I think I might have a flat tire.

 

note: Who keeps denting my van? It must happen while I’m parked in parking lots!

 

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The Table Has Turned

nothing a wash won't fix

 

 

note: making a negative in to a double negative.

double note: friends don’t lend their pants to other friends.

triple note: there are usually a few leaks in a friendship now and then.

 

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Seven Little Ones

expensive thumbtacks

.

SLEEPY

I was so sleepy I didn’t even get behind the wheel.

GRUMPY

Even my name is pissing me off today!

SNEEZY

I’ve been known to binge sneeze.

BASHFUL

Is it “unsociably shy” or “sociably shy”?

DOPEY

I’m having problems balancing my chemicals.

DOC

I received an honorary doctorate in philosophy from an online university.
Kidney transplant?  No problem!

HAPPY

If you are more than happy, are you not happy?

 

note: If I did one for Snow White, I’d have to change the title!

 

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Trust

Trust
 

 

note: in the fantasy seesaw/teeter totter realm of things.

double note: “I only trust 2 people; my mother … and you’re not the other one.”
(brutalized line from Con-Air)

 

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Stuff On Cakes And Stuff

foggy misty and steamy!

What do people call “icing” or “frosting” in really warm countries?

Fog?   Mist?   Sunblock?   Mirage?

 

note: If it’s a really warm country, sugar coating is out too!

double note: Are snow flakey pie crusts possible?

triple note: In ice hockey the puck gets iced a lot, but I still wouldn’t want to eat it.

 

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