Outsurance

 

My friend tells me odd facts: the latest tidbit,

“People with pets live 3 years longer than people without pets.”

I had pets when I was a kid: I’m covered.

 

note: people who work at pet stores must live forever.

double note: I bet pets live longer when they have owners … especially fish.

triple note: the original Odd Fact is here.

quadruple note: this computer is still dying, but I will try to make it last until payday … kind of like my money.

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Today #52

I had an eye test today … my score was 2.

Meaning

 

When the plane lost both engines, all the passengers and crew put on parachutes and escaped unharmed.

It was miraculous that there were just enough parachutes for everyone.

You should have been there.

 

note: my computer is dying. I may not be up and running again for a few days.

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Today #51

Today seemed longer than usual, but the regular width for some reason.

Setting Free The Ants

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I set my ants free.
I set them free months ago.
I just didn’t get around to telling all of you.

I realized that I’m a compassionate person who believes all life is sacred.

… and since I wasn’t getting any free dairy, meat, or wool products from them, I concluded that the ants were just freeloading room and board off of me.

My pyramid sits empty.

I don’t know what I’m going to do with the 2 sphinx I’ve been carving!

 

note: I think it’s time for a new experiment. I must get busy.

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Today #50

Today is going to be perfect!
I will be my regular self though.

The Fastest Eggtimer

 

The fastest eggtimer in the world probably uses quicksand.

The egg probably doesn’t cook any faster though.

 

note: the biggest eggtimer in the world is probably in Africa … or maybe Australia.

double note: a “scrambled eggtimer” would be cool!

triple note: my bookshelf would be a World Record holder … if I had one of those books.

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Mean Things I Say About People #2

I call someone I know “Diaper” because they are so self-absorbent … and they are full of shit most of the time too.

Letters

 

I wrote a letter to myself, but didn’t put enough postage on it.

So it came back to me undelivered.

Stupid Post Office!!!!

 

note: I don’t collect stamps; I collect envelopes.

double note: I wish I lived in a giant mailbox. On the garage, I’d have to paint a dog with its leg cocked … for the full effect though.

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Today #49

I found nothing today … it was empty.

Where Are You Going?

 

When people die, I hope they go to where they believe they will go when they die:

… because I really want to see the inside of a crematorium.

 

note: I didn’t even think there was something wrong with this “closed” sign. I was too impressed that it was written on a skateboard to notice!

double note: it says “open” on the otherside … in case you were wondering.

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Mean Things I Say About People #1

I know a person who only listens to instrumental music because they don’t like listening to people.

A Murality Play

 

Sometimes people just do stuff just to do it

… like eating sunflower seeds. 

 

note: “No thank you, I’m full. I ate some sunflower seeds earlier.”

double note: I didn’t expect to be on hiatus so long. A week’s break was followed by 10 days of entertaining a cold-fluish type entity.

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Today #48

Today I feel good enough to go to the dentist. …crap it’s a Catch-22 day.

Hiatus

 

I’m going on hiatus: not byeatus … just hiatus for a while.

It’s nearly a safari, but I’ll be close by.

 

note: I’ll be out stretching my legs … or pants … or something like that.

double note: don’t worry, I’m fine. … I just need to collect my thought.

triple note: the one on the left is older … because it’s the “Elddis“.  hee hee!

quadruple note: don’t miss me too much … unless you’re throwing things at me … that aren’t edible. hee hee!

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Today #47

Today I realized that my future doesn’t lie ahead … it lies in my head.