Category Archives: medical

Serumdipity

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Is there an opposite to “Truth Serum“?

That would be something!

Dare Serum”!

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note: anything that isn’t Truth Serum is False Serum
… if you want to know the truth.

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what I’m listening to now #58: Barenaked LadiesPinch Me“.

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Health

In 2011 I went for my first health check in about 15 years.
The results were okay, except my cholesterol was pretty high.

I wanted to do better on my 2012 health check, so for 3 weeks before the exam I cut out fast food/ramen/most meat/carbohydrates and gorged myself on vegetables/seaweed/fruit/tofu.

Mr. Pettit commented that I was trying to cheat the test.
I considered it cramming for the test … cramming vegetables/seaweed/fruit/tofu down my throat.

The results were a lot better than the previous year.

For the past 3 months I’ve continued to eat more healthily, been to the gym most days, and have avoided fast food and ramen.

I’ve lost about 5 kilograms, gained a bit of muscle, … and actually really like seaweed salads.

I hope this year in October when I go for the health check I can supersize the urine sample cup … and they give me a prize for best improved person.

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note: for the last 2 years my boss’s wife is the person who draws blood from me … I find that ironic for some reason.

Nits

 

I hate nitpickers!

… although technically they are lousepickers.

 

note:

 

double note: I wish I had nits … because I’ve always wanted to shave my head.

triple note: S. Le: the PollDaddy polls don’t show other people’s answers because:
When you have the ‘Other’ option enabled in your poll, it allows your voters to enter an answer of their own. We don’t display these directly in the poll at the moment due to concerns around spam.

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Today #206

The Stanley Cup was awarded today: it’s the post season now … or again.

Total Recallections

 

If people had total recall of every memory stamped on their brain:

– School would be over very quickly.
– phone books could be shared between a lot of people.
– Lost and Found areas wouldn’t have so much stuff in them.
– saying “I forgot.” would be a crappier excuse than it is now.

-computer apps and memo books for remembering stuff would be gone.
-“belated birthday cards” wouldn’t be very popular.
– a lot of movies and tv shows would look very copied … more than they do now. “This is the same as episode 52 of The Rockford Files, episode 129 of Barnaby Jones, and episode 5 of Cannon!

– sports stats would only be for newbies.
– no one would make mistakes singing National Anthems … unintentionally.
– the jean jacket with the  patch on it saying “Don’t eat yellow snow“, that I left behind a rock on Mt. Rundle in Banff when I was 11 years old, wouldn’t still be behind that rock.

– déjà vu would be clinically verifiable.
– people would probably know exactly when they lost their memory.
– I would know exactly how many Big Macs I’ve eaten in my lifetime.
– memory sticks would still be popular.

– the rhetorical question “How many times have I told you … ” wouldn’t have to be uttered … “I’ve told you 34,094 times … ” would be more popular.
– grudges might last longer.
– trivial bets would have to be more trivial.
– being born would be kind of a weird memory.

and

… History would still repeat itself … because total recall wouldn’t mean people would be any smarter.

Remembering mistakes is different than learning from them.

 

note: I’m glad I don’t have total recall of all my memories … otherwise I would never snap my fingers, look skyward blankly with a furrowed brow, or slap my head.

double note:I remember everything I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday” … or maybe only a little stuff that happened yesterday … or I think happened yesterday possibly only a little.
(if you remember/know what record/song/artist that quote is from, please let me know. You’re only hint is Meatloaf on this one.)

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Today #203

Today my morning consisted of sitting in a hotspring bath and buying a helium balloon: life’s tough like that sometimes.

Colour

 

If all people started out as one of the three primary colours, eventually everyone would be the colour of what I used to mix up in kindergarten.

I always thought that was a good colour.

 

note: I’m sure there would be some hardliner blues, yellows, and reds that never mixed … but that’s a secondary issue … or maybe a primary issue.

double note: I bet pink boys would curse their red and albino parents.

triple note: aliens were probably disappointed that people weren’t bright colours when colour television was invented … I know I was … especially about referee jerseys.  hee hee!

quadruple note: I’m colour deaf … I can’t hear any of them!

quintuple note:Why so blue?” 
                                      “It’s hereditary.

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Today #201

I went to a “Happened” today … it was like a “Happening“, but I arrived late.

Backward “Buts”

 

Why can body parts be dislocated, fractured, damaged, injured, hyper-extended, bruised, broken, chipped, cracked, scratched, and sprained;

but only toes can be stubbed?

 

note: I think I stub my face when I don’t shave … or something like that.

double note: you know that second between stubbing your toe and the following pain? … I know you do.

triple note: I wish I could snap my toes like my fingers … toes must get kind of tired tapping to music.

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Today #158

Today unrolled like a roll of toilet paper unrolling across the floor: it was fun to watch.
(it must be an optical illusion, but that toilet roll seemed to get smaller the farther it got away from me)

Curator

 

I’ve discovered a few cures for diseases and viruses over the years.

It’s just that the diseases and viruses haven’t been discovered yet.

I’m patiently waiting.

 

note: doctors never discover the cure before the disease. … I guess you need a “pre doctoral” degree instead of a “post doctoral” degree for that stuff.

double note: bird flu, mad cow, swine flu, …
                                I bet the horses are getting nervous.

triple note: without a chimney there never is a flue season.

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Today #129

I know the days are getting longer in the Northern Hemisphere, but today seemed longer by a few hours!

Dentists

 

As soon as I open my mouth and they start talking, I know that deep down dentists wished they were engineers:

bridges, root canals, dental dams, braces/railroad tracks, drills, and even toothpicks!

They can’t fool me!

 

note: I think the worst thing I’ve tried to eat while my mouth was still frozen from the dentists were waffles. You never really know where the waffle ends and the inside of your mouth begins.

double note: opening my mouth and having someone else start talking makes me feel like a dummy … a ventriloquist’s dummy.

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Today #119

Today was like watching all the coming attractions before the movie … but the movie never started.

Genetique Tackling

 

I guess when scientists finish all this Gene Mapping …

they will make a fortune selling the maps at gas stations.

 

note: making Gene Maps is probably really difficult; they must be really really really small.

double note: Gene Maps don’t fold: they twist.

triple note: scientists could have used: researching, investigating, unravelling, analyzing, probing, studying …
but they chose mapping.
They must think they are explorers or something.

quadruple note: the photo has nothing to do with Gene mapping … I just don’t have any good photos of that stuff. I blame zoom lens technology.

quintuple note: isn’t anyone working on the other GPS: Genome Positioning System?

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Today #58

Today flew by like a penguin.

Spare Parts And Healthy Hearts

 

I like my organs like I like my combustion engines

… internal.

 

note: I’m donating all my organs when I die … it’s kind of like cheating death … and if there is one thing I like doing, it’s cheating death.
… and maybe eating all the stuff the person beside me on the airplane doesn’t want at meal time.

double note: organ couriers must be very organized.

triple note: I don’t really know if I really like my combustion engines internal … I just made that stuff up.

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Today #37

Today I was a bit vincible.