Monthly Archives: May 2008

This Little Piggy

This little piggy went to market.

This little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy had roast beef.

This little piggy had none.

And this little piggy went …. holy crap 6 toes!!!

note: planetross says, “Keep your fingers off my piggies.”

double note: photo from


My friend tells me odd facts: the latest tidbit, “dogs don’t sweat”.

This has been running through my head like a mantra for the last 2 weeks.

What a bastard!

note: at least it’s shorter than “the male seahorse carries the baby eggs on its head“.

Step –


step-  : related by means of remarriage.

ie. step-mother, step-father,  step-sister, step-brother, step-child.


Why stop at people?

step-charge card bill

step-car loan


step-beauty products filling up the bathroom

step-maxi pads

step-dogs, step-cats, …

step-Back Street Boys Cds, …


note: step-step ladders and step-Steppenwolf albums are just too silly.

My Mind is Paralyzed


That sums up my life!

The Breakfast Run

I camped with friends of friends in Barcelona, Spain.

On the 1st morning one guy volunteered to get breakfast stuff from the campsite store.

He brought back bananas and baguettes.

On the 2nd day he brought back the same.

After bringing back the same things on the 3rd day, we questioned him.

“Does the store only sell bananas and baguettes?”

“No, they have lots of stuff, but these are the only things I like,” he answered.

On the 4th day we ate like kings.

He ate bananas and baguettes.

The Haggis


How To Catch A Haggis

The haggis is a sheep-like animal found in Scotland. Its legs are a lot shorter on the leftside of its body than the rightside. This physical trait is an adaptation  to hillside grazing.

To catch a haggis some people chase it uphill: it runs counter-clockwise.

At the top of the hill people are there to scare it. The frightened haggis turns around to flee back downhill, loses its balance because of its shorter left legs, and rolls to the bottom of the hill where other people are waiting for it.

Myself and a friend were travelling in Scotland and met a young naive Australian guy who believed this story.

We emphatically told him the story was bullshit and that haggis was actually:

“sheep’s heart, liver and lungs, minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spice, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal’s stomach for 3 hours”.

Between the “Truths” and “Fair Dinkums” we knew that he didn’t believe us.

I hope he figured it out eventually.

note: I’m still looking for skyhooks, striped paint, the elusive red herring, a snape, and the jackalope.


Recycle Shops

Sometimes one person’s garbage is another person’s garbage too.



I like recycle shops, bargain centers, thrift stores, secondhand shops, and the Salvation Army.

I’ve furnished my place with their wares.                                            

Even though I might not find what I’m looking for, I recognize there are things there others will value.

but …

I’ve visited a few recycle shops that sucked: 100% crap. Not even a shopaholic on a a binge with a full wallet of cash would buy anything.

A bad recycle shop is not a shop at all; it’s just a staging point purgatory for things on their way to the dump.

The shop owner would probably make more money selling “used gum“.

White Chicken Meat


Finally!  Me and “the pixie dog” have something in common.

We are both happy all the time!

I’m a dark meat man myself!


note: thanks to former student Yuko for having the best pencil case ever. (this is only the insert)

double note: this could become a “pencil case” series. You’ve been warned.

triple note: I could just keep using this “pencil case” photo with a different entry underneath it, but I won’t.


Wasn’t kindergarten great!

Finally out on your own and hanging out with other kids finally out on their own.

Lots of new things happening …..

Curriculum: coloring, singing, story-time, finger painting, and clay art. I made an ashtray! Don’t forget learning complicated dance routines which involved being physically and verbally pushed around by your teacher.

Equipment: lunchbox; crayons; paints, big brush, and painting smock. When was the last time you wore a painting smock? I bet you miss it. There was even playground equipment designed just for you too!

Field Trips: farms, zoos, aquariums, museums; bus, train, and best friend’s mom’s car for transport. Yes, part of the jet-set finally!

Special Stuff: puppet shows, yoyo exhibitions, and more birthday cake than you could shake a stick at. (if your motor skills were developed enough to shake sticks)

Productive Citizen: buddy system responsibilities, supplier of fridge art for your family, contributor to family dinner conversation – “Randy peed in his pants today.”, “Spot is good, but Clifford is gooder.”

Ahhh! To be 13 years old again!!

note: former fridge art.


How were people cool before sunglasses?

It’s a mystery.

If there were no sunglasses, would …. 

– the Terminator, the Men in Black, Neo in the Matrix, the Blues Brothers, or the Macho Man Randy Savage be cool?

Would CoreySunglasses at NightHart have had a music career?

Would “The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear ShadesTimbuc 3 be a no-hit wonder?

I think Joey Ramone would still be cool. You couldn’t see his sunglasses under his hair most of the time anyway.

Elton John‘s cool level would be serious lower, but he’d still be cool.

Elvis ………. shades or no shades ………… would still be the coolest!


note: are there sunglass monocles?

double note: cute dog photo added because some people like that stuff. I’m nice like that.

triple note: In the early 1900s, the use of sunglasses started to become more widespread, especially among the pioneering stars of silent movies. It is commonly believed that this was to avoid recognition by fans, but the real reason was they often had perennially sore eyes from the powerful lights that were needed due to the extremely slow speed film stocks used. Inexpensive mass-produced sunglasses were introduced to America by Sam Foster in 1929.