Monthly Archives: September 2011

Life-sized Portions


I don’t want to be larger than life.

The same size would be fine with me.


note: Did Andy Warhol make a big can opener for the big tomato soup can?
That would have been cool!

double note: my Mother always bought Campbell’s soup … except for tomato soup: she said Heinz tomato soup was better.

triple note: being larger than lifesavers isn’t really that big of a deal.


Today #259

Today I found another frog hiding in my yard!





Eating a petrified apple is hardcore!


note: I’d like to be a fossil someday, so people would sing about me in that “Do Re Mi Fossil” song.
… and when people asked how I am, I could say, “I’m petrified!, but otherwise fine.

double note: where I live is famous for apples … and apple trees too!

triple note: I only ever find half worms in apples … they must not be full grown yet.

quadruple note: being petrifried sounds like a bad way to go.


Today #258

I didn’t make any fatal mistakes today … I used a pencil with a fatal eraser.

Dental HighScream


I felt really foolish sitting in the dentist’s chair with the pink paper bib thing around my neck

… especially after they told me I wasn’t going to get a discount for bringing my own.


note: I like the dentist who does all the tooth drilling and grinding. I figure, either I am a masochist or she’s the only female dentist there.

double note: do not drink blue kool-aid before going to the dentist.

triple note:teeth and trees are very similar; they both are made of wood.
                        (quote from my great-great-grandmother … or someone like that)


Today #257

Everything has become much clearer to me today: I washed my windows.


Life Times What?


A few seconds, a couple of minutes, and sometimes a happy hour can make for a lifetime

… a very short lifetime, but who’s really counting?


note: if you were a larva before what you are now, expect an early retirement.

double note: I know frogs don’t come from larvae … they come from the rice field across the road.

triple note: this frog watched me pull out my tomato plants, cut the grass, and weed the garden.
I too am like that little green frog … watching my neighbour garden … in my frog costume.


Today #256

Today smelled a lot like air-freshener.
(I bought a lot of air-freshener today)




Why are chopsticks a cool gift, but not a single fork?


note: I wish these chopsticks had different names; it’s confusing. I’m not sure which one goes in which hand!

double note: I want a set that are engraved with “this side up“.


Today #255

I have an alibi for today, but not an alihello.


Presents For Presences


What do you get the person who doesn’t need anything?








note: in lieu of flowers planetross requests chicken wings … so the birds will visit him … in some form or another.
(planetross is always for the birds!)

double note: can you see the chicken wing in the first photo?


Today #254

Today I thought God must have forgotten about that Genesisweek” business when he flooded the Earth for 40 days … and that 40 days of Lent stuff. If He was consistent, those things would have been 6 weeks a piece.

(my co-worker thinks I think weird things when I go outside for smokes: hey! it was raining! What else was I supposed to think about?)


Shady Business


A 3D-silhouette would be pretty cool!


note: a statue of a statue’s shadow would be cool too!

double note: When is my shadow the shortest? … when I’m pissed off probably!
… that’s usually zenith for me.


Today #253

Today at the onsen (hotspring bath), I used the grapefruit body soap and the milk based shampoo: my neck curdled.


Flat Tire Tip #1


Always have a Jack Handey!

… in case you want to fix a flat tire … or wait around for someone else to fix it.


note: I’ve had this book since 1993 … and I still laugh when I pick it up.
It was one of the only books I brought to Japan along with  a few John Irving novels.
Hey! I needed to fill up the backpack somehow! … socks and underwear are boring.


Today #252

Today I felt so good I had to scream! … and the drive-thru speaker at McDonald’s wasn’t working properly.


Headlights Left On Should Be Turned Right Off


As I pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot, I noticed an unattended car with its lights on.

I sat there for 30 minutes, and not one of the people who arrived after me informed the staff about the car.

People are jerks!


note: why was I in the parking lot? … free parking of course!

double note: no my van wasn’t facing a window.

triple note: I could stare at headlights for hours … or a few seconds, if the car is moving.


Today #251

Today I had to go into work to retrieve my i-phone charger cord. I realized that work kind of sucks when I’m not there … but a little less than when I have to actually be there. hee hee!




When I look at these 2 photos*, taken on July 5th and September 2nd, I think …

I probably won’t be able to see this car by winter!


note: if hair was like plants, barbers wouldn’t be very busy in the winter.

double note: I’m glad nature isn’t bald.

triple note: I wonder if André The Giant every said, “I’m overgrown.” 

quadruple note: possibly Easter is, when it is, because eggs are harder to find in the summer. I could be wrong; I usually am.

quintuple note: if I worked on a chicken farm, everyday would be Easter! … and I’d probably have a funky smell.

* actually I forgot that I’d taken these 2 photos, but I must have known that I’d know they would come in handy someday.


Today #250

Today I lost weight …  it was atomic weight, but it still felt good.