Monthly Archives: September 2011

Life-sized Portions

 

I don’t want to be larger than life.

The same size would be fine with me.

 

note: Did Andy Warhol make a big can opener for the big tomato soup can?
That would have been cool!

double note: my Mother always bought Campbell’s soup … except for tomato soup: she said Heinz tomato soup was better.

triple note: being larger than lifesavers isn’t really that big of a deal.

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Today #259

Today I found another frog hiding in my yard!

 

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Apples

 

Eating a petrified apple is hardcore!

 

note: I’d like to be a fossil someday, so people would sing about me in that “Do Re Mi Fossil” song.
… and when people asked how I am, I could say, “I’m petrified!, but otherwise fine.

double note: where I live is famous for apples … and apple trees too!

triple note: I only ever find half worms in apples … they must not be full grown yet.

quadruple note: being petrifried sounds like a bad way to go.

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Today #258

I didn’t make any fatal mistakes today … I used a pencil with a fatal eraser.

Dental HighScream

 

I felt really foolish sitting in the dentist’s chair with the pink paper bib thing around my neck

… especially after they told me I wasn’t going to get a discount for bringing my own.

 

note: I like the dentist who does all the tooth drilling and grinding. I figure, either I am a masochist or she’s the only female dentist there.

double note: do not drink blue kool-aid before going to the dentist.

triple note:teeth and trees are very similar; they both are made of wood.
                        (quote from my great-great-grandmother … or someone like that)

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Today #257

Everything has become much clearer to me today: I washed my windows.

Life Times What?

 

A few seconds, a couple of minutes, and sometimes a happy hour can make for a lifetime

… a very short lifetime, but who’s really counting?

 

note: if you were a larva before what you are now, expect an early retirement.

double note: I know frogs don’t come from larvae … they come from the rice field across the road.

triple note: this frog watched me pull out my tomato plants, cut the grass, and weed the garden.
I too am like that little green frog … watching my neighbour garden … in my frog costume.

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Today #256

Today smelled a lot like air-freshener.
(I bought a lot of air-freshener today)

Utensilliness

 

Why are chopsticks a cool gift, but not a single fork?

 

note: I wish these chopsticks had different names; it’s confusing. I’m not sure which one goes in which hand!

double note: I want a set that are engraved with “this side up“.

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Today #255

I have an alibi for today, but not an alihello.

Presents For Presences

 

What do you get the person who doesn’t need anything?

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CHICKEN WINGS!!!

 

note: in lieu of flowers planetross requests chicken wings … so the birds will visit him … in some form or another.
(planetross is always for the birds!)

double note: can you see the chicken wing in the first photo?

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Today #254

Today I thought God must have forgotten about that Genesisweek” business when he flooded the Earth for 40 days … and that 40 days of Lent stuff. If He was consistent, those things would have been 6 weeks a piece.

(my co-worker thinks I think weird things when I go outside for smokes: hey! it was raining! What else was I supposed to think about?)

Shady Business

 

A 3D-silhouette would be pretty cool!

 

note: a statue of a statue’s shadow would be cool too!

double note: When is my shadow the shortest? … when I’m pissed off probably!
… that’s usually zenith for me.

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Today #253

Today at the onsen (hotspring bath), I used the grapefruit body soap and the milk based shampoo: my neck curdled.

Flat Tire Tip #1

 

Always have a Jack Handey!

… in case you want to fix a flat tire … or wait around for someone else to fix it.

 

note: I’ve had this book since 1993 … and I still laugh when I pick it up.
It was one of the only books I brought to Japan along with  a few John Irving novels.
Hey! I needed to fill up the backpack somehow! … socks and underwear are boring.

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Today #252

Today I felt so good I had to scream! … and the drive-thru speaker at McDonald’s wasn’t working properly.

Headlights Left On Should Be Turned Right Off

 

As I pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot, I noticed an unattended car with its lights on.

I sat there for 30 minutes, and not one of the people who arrived after me informed the staff about the car.

People are jerks!

 

note: why was I in the parking lot? … free parking of course!

double note: no my van wasn’t facing a window.

triple note: I could stare at headlights for hours … or a few seconds, if the car is moving.

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Today #251

Today I had to go into work to retrieve my i-phone charger cord. I realized that work kind of sucks when I’m not there … but a little less than when I have to actually be there. hee hee!

Nature

 

When I look at these 2 photos*, taken on July 5th and September 2nd, I think …

I probably won’t be able to see this car by winter!

 

note: if hair was like plants, barbers wouldn’t be very busy in the winter.

double note: I’m glad nature isn’t bald.

triple note: I wonder if André The Giant every said, “I’m overgrown.” 

quadruple note: possibly Easter is, when it is, because eggs are harder to find in the summer. I could be wrong; I usually am.

quintuple note: if I worked on a chicken farm, everyday would be Easter! … and I’d probably have a funky smell.

* actually I forgot that I’d taken these 2 photos, but I must have known that I’d know they would come in handy someday.

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Today #250

Today I lost weight …  it was atomic weight, but it still felt good.