Apples

 

Eating a petrified apple is hardcore!

 

note: I’d like to be a fossil someday, so people would sing about me in that “Do Re Mi Fossil” song.
… and when people asked how I am, I could say, “I’m petrified!, but otherwise fine.”

double note: where I live is famous for apples … and apple trees too!

triple note: I only ever find half worms in apples … they must not be full grown yet.

quadruple note: being petrifried sounds like a bad way to go.

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Today #258

I didn’t make any fatal mistakes today … I used a pencil with a fatal eraser.

Theo’s Thoughts

 

 This is the story of Theo when he was eight and not so rottenish yet.

Theo thought he needed a hobby; actually, his parents insisted he do something other than skulk around claiming he was bored all the time.

All his friends had hobbies: sports cards, stamps, coins, trainspotting, advanced robotics, …

One of his friends even collected teeth; but his father was a dentist, so that was only mildly disturbing.

Theo decided to collect his thoughts.

He would put them in jars, label them, and keep them in a bookcase that was really doing nothing except holding a bunch of  books.

He thought about all the thoughts he thought in one day …or at least thought about all the thoughts he thought he thought about in one day … and realized he had too many thoughts to collect all of them.
 He only had 35 jars, so he decided “happy thoughts” might be a good start.

Over the next few weeks he collected and organized all his “happy thoughts” about finding money, ice cream, toys, running through sprinklers, …

In no time at all, all his jars were full!
Surprisingly, 3 jars were exclusively filled with “happy thoughts” about ice cream!

It was a very fine collection of thoughts.

He soon realized that since all his “happy thoughts” were bottled up, labelled, and stacked away; he had a very large number of “sad thoughts” floating around in his head.
With no “happy thoughts” to chase the “sad thoughts” away, they just lingered.

This made him sadder.

Theo decided it would be a good idea to free all his “happy thoughts” and start collecting his “sad thoughts” instead.

He refilled his jars with “sad thoughts” about broken bones, no dessert, vaccination needles, dropped ice cream cones, dentist visits …

 

It took him a whole month to fill up all 35 jars. 

He concluded that “sad thoughts” were more difficult to trap  than “happy thoughts” because they didn’t like jars.

With no more “sad thoughts” in his head, Theo thought he’d be really happy: but he wasn’t.

Without any “sad thoughts” to balance his “happy thoughts“, his “happy thoughts” weren’t as strong or happy anymore …  kind of like appreciating being healthy a lot more after being sick … or how a cold Winter makes Spring’s arrival so much better. He needed both sadly, or happily.

Theo decided to release his “sad thoughts” and resolved  never to collect his thoughts ever again.

He used the 35 jars to catch colds instead.

 

note: The jar of asparaguses on the floor is not a “sad thought“: Theo just dropped it accidentally on purpose while walking by the bookcase on the way to the dinner table. He had a “happy thought” right after he did this for some reason.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Tape

 

I almost electrocuted myself with “electrical tape“!!

There really should be a warning on that stuff!

 

note: It’s not a good idea to use masking tape as a halloween costume.

double note: taping worms is a waste of time; they don’t talk too much.

triple note: above photo of a colorblind dog cutting through “red tape” in Brazil.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Worms

 

 

Bait companies pay golf courses for the rights to collect worms.

The golf course’s large clear area with short grass is the perfect place to find worms easily. At night, equipped with miner’s lights on their heads and coffee cans strapped to their ankles, worm catchers harvest the worms.

Finally a benefit to golf!!

 

 

 

note: How do I know this? I used to pack worms for a bait and tackle supplier.

double note: I’ll have the “Golf Course”: a clubhouse sandwich with greens and tee served with a wedge of lemon.

http://humor-blogs.com/

The Breakthrough

I’m on the verge of a major breakthrough!

My thoughts are becoming more focused. I’m seeing everything in new ways that I’ve never seen them before. I think I finally know what I want to do.

I’m going to quit my job and …

revolutionize the music recording industry with my “cassette tape worm” technology,

or

start a “gravy stained glass” art studio!

Did I say breakthrough?

I meant breakdown.

 

note: the light at the end of the tunnel may be the entrance to a lighted tunnel.

http://humor-blogs.com/

Worms and Fish

Why do people use worms to catch fish?

Fish eat worms, but usually not ones just floating around in the middle of nowhere.

They probably don’t even know what they are.

Those fish must be really hungry, or have bad eye sight.

Now if you are trying to catch a bird, I bet worms work great!

 

note: What do you use to catch worms: smaller worms?

double note: to catch piranha a bit of human works great.

http://humor-blogs.com/