Monthly Archives: September 2008

Apothecaries

 

Before medicine and potions, people must not have had an “apothecary in the world”! 

 

note: Has there been an increase in people going into pharmacology since the Harry Potter books and movies came out? That Snape is such a role model.

double note: Are people on drugs getting apothecarried away?

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Money Making Scheme #3

 

 

I’m going to sell “little extincties”: cute and cuddly plush dolls of extinct animals!

Educational and Fun! Collect them all!

“You can’t kill them because they are stuffed and already dead!”

 I’ll probably add a few new ones each year.

.

 

 

 

note: there seem to be a lot of extinct rats, bats, mice and foxes. Not too many changes in design.

double note: There are so many cute extinct animals to choose from; I don’t know where to begin.

triple note: “Mommy! When is the ruffed lemur and the sinaloan jaguarundi coming out? I can’t wait.”

quadruple note: Money Making Scheme #1 and #2 are still scheming.

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Kinder-Olympics!

The once a year Kinder-Olympics happened last weekend. It had been a long wait for these athletes: some  had counted down from “5 or 6 sleeps to go” in their excitement. 

The Stadium filled up with spectators: parents, grandparents, siblings, and … that’s about it. Once positions were established, shoes removed, and picnic lunches spread out; it was time for the opening ceremony.

 

There were some concerns about the weather, but the performers were unfazed, didn’t care, or were too involved in getting this “left and right” mumbo jumbo figured out.

Choreographed to perfection, with several child wranglers in place and highly visible yellow chalk lines to follow, the opening ceremony went off flawlessly.

Let the games commence” rang out all around the grounds.

Several countries’ flags were in attendance. Even “Anpanmanlandia” was not left out; although the field of athletes were pretty much just little Japanese kids.

Anpanman himself showed up to applaud the athletes’ athleticism and to scare the smaller children.

There were running races.

And magical hats that changed colors in the middle of races.

Games involving pinwheels and finding your parents at the finish line. There were a few mix ups.

Team Weightlifting competitions.

 

Performers waiting for the “After the Opening Ceremony but Before the Closing Ceremony” ceremony.

Off-road tricycle racing.

A few near misses, but no casualties this year.

Throwing bean bags into a stationary basket competition.

And into a moving target.

Races involving monkey and kangaroo hats.

Relay races.

Exhibition Sport: Tricycle vs Unicycle Grudge Match. (the tricycle won)

Mugging for the camera competitor.  (eventual champion)

Hide and Seek competitor.  (eventual 4th place finisher)

Happy competitors: possibly an illegal band-aid on one kid’s knee. It will be brought up before the committee I’m sure.

Medals were awarded and accompanied by vigorous handshaking.

The “Pooh Dancers” were even included in the Closing Ceremony. Yeah! Pooh Dancers!!

And then the Kinder-Olympics closed for another year.

Don’t Weep“. They will be back again next year.

 

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Rebellious

Living on the  edge. Pushing the envelope. Turning it up to 11.

That’s the life for me!

I passed a police car on the highway today!

I put it to the man; fought the authorities; made a statement.

It was touch and go for a while, but after 10 kilometers of side by side furious 90 km per hour driving and numerous speedometer checks I edged ahead of him.

Eat my dust, copper!

 

note: it was raining, so he didn’t really eat any dust.

double note: Once I passed him I turned around and went to my exit 5 kilometers back.

triple note: if you look really closely, you can see a portion of my van. When moving the van is just too fast for photos.

 

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The Blue Monkey #5

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime the “Big Mac” will be replaced by the “Bigger Mac“.

The Blue Monkey can’t see anything in the future after that.

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4

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Food For Thought

I am ignorant about many types of food.

I love food, but don’t usually think too deeply about how it is grown.

In the last few years I have discovered:

pineapples don’t grow on trees.

bananas hang on trees the opposite way I thought they did.

 coconuts don’t start out small, brown, and hairy like the ones in the supermarket.

people do eat chestnuts, just not the kind that grew around my hometown.
   (I always wondered why people were roasting chestnuts on an open fire in that Christmas song)

I still haven’t figured out peanuts yet: please don’t tell me, I want it to be a surprise.

 

note: road apples, prairie oysters, and cow pies do not grow on trees or in the ground. I think one of them is inedible, but I could be wrong.

double note: My in-depth knowledge of how rice is grown hopefully makes up for these other deficiencies.

 

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The Cull

 

It’s usually a seasonal thing, but this time it couldn’t wait for a season.

The long overdue “underwear and socks cull” took place.

It was a ragtag bunch that ended up on the wrong side of the garbage bag this time.
It usually is for some reason.

I’m not sure what triggered the need to spend 5 minutes separating the good from the bad and ugly with quick irreversible decisions over something so mundane but necessary.

I feel better for it somehow though: not as good as “new shoes day“, but a lot better than “bad haircut day“.

I feel so good about this, I might start throwing out my underwear and socks everyday!!

 

note:   sorry for showing my underwear (I’m just covering my ass here).

double note: sorry there is no link for “bad haircut day“; I’m looking forward to one so I can blog about it.

triple note: Is there a club for seal clubbers? and do they have their own seal? I bet their secret handshake is pretty lethal too!

quadruple note: Why don’t sealers just bomb the seals like men!

quintuple note: planetross doesn’t have an opinion on clubbing seals: I’ve never done it, nor know if seal meat tastes good. But clubbing underwear is probably okay, but not so tasty.

 

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The Blue Monkey #4

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime “microwave ovens” will be replaced by “super-micromicrowave ovens” which will be cleverly called smicrowaves.

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

When I’m Filthy Rich

 

When I saw all these fine Lotus Sports cars, I thought …

if I were filthy rich, I’d buy a bigger chip for my camera, take more photos of them, and maybe even have a few prints made.

.

note: photos taken on Route 120 on the way to Nikko, Japan. Check out nathaliewithanh‘s blog for more Japan adventures. (she only put up one picture of these fine Lotus! She’s a madwoman!!!)

 double note: There were about 30 of these cars in a public parking lot and nobody was watching them, or more importantly watching the people who were looking at them. I don’t know what all the drivers were doing: probably eating cup-o-noodles or taking pictures of my van.

triple note: my van: very photogenic.

 

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Wishful Thinking #2

Standing in line to buy a ticket to the newest Harry Potter movie and thinking the 300 kids waiting in front of you want to see the newest Roman Polanski film.

 

single scoop: Hermione’s character has really developed a lot since the first movie.

double scoop: Hey Mr. Fly! Are you on some new kind of diet program or something?

triple scoop: movie theatre popcorn is so good I would pay 100 times more than it’s worth to have it: oh …  I already do.

 

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