Monthly Archives: April 2009

Walter’s Wish

Walter's Wish

 

This is the story of Walter when he was turning 10 years old and wasn’t very rottenish any more.

On his birthday Walter was expecting all the things he’d wished for and had blatantly hinted hints to his parents about since his last birthday … or at least since everyday between Christmas and his birthday.

He opened the first present with high hopes: a skirt with colorful butterflies on it.
The next present was a book about veterinarians.
After that things just got worse and worser: a beadmaking set, strawberry scented stationery, a boy band poster, …

The last thing he opened was a birthday card with a $50 bill inside.

He didn’t know why he’d received such strange presents; but being a not so rottenish kid, he thanked his parents, phoned and thanked his grandmother for the skirt with the colorful butterflies on it, and then put all the presents in his closet … except for the $50 bill which disappeared into his authentic genuine velcro replica SpongeBob SquarePants wallet.

The selection and inappropriateness of the presents was a mystery, but he reasoned “nobody can give great presents all the time“, and shrugged it off as an isolated incident.

As Christmas approached at its usual approach speed of “almost unapproachablely slow“, Walter wished very hard for video games, a slingshot, and remote controlled stuff.
He made daily subtle hints to his parents like “I want video games” and “I want a slingshot” and even covertly suggested sneakily in a loud voice “I want remote controlled stuff”.

On Christmas morning he awoke to  an EasyBake Oven, rainbow striped knee high socks with individual toes, a Little Mermaid diary with a little mermaid lock on it, a My Little Pony pony or possibly a short horse, and more boy band posters.
The only thing that saved Christmas was another $50 bill inside a Christmas card.

Disappointed but still putting on a brave face, he thanked his parents, phoned and thanked his grandmother for the rainbow striped knee high socks with individual toes, and then put all the presents in his closet with the other ones … except for the $50 bill which disappeared into his authentic genuine velcro replica SpongeBob SquarePants wallet.

As his 11th birthday loomed very loomingly in the distance, Walter hadn’t forgotten about the very strange presents he’d received over the last year.
For a whole month before his birthday, Walter wished for one thing and one thing only.
Every waking hour he wished and rewished for the same single solitary thing over and over again repeatedly and re-repeatedly.

On his birthday he opened all his presents: a curling iron, trolls, a crocheted Hello Kitty handbag, a candle making set, a book about fairies and unicorns, and more boy band posters.

Walter's closet

A $50 bill was tucked inside a card as usual too.

He feigned enthusiasm for each gift, thanked his parents, phoned and thanked his grandmother for the crocheted Hello Kitty handbag, and then placed the new presents alongside the others in his closet.

While he was disappearing the $50 bill into his authentic genuine velcro replica SpongeBob SquarePants wallet, the phone rang.

Hello” said Walter expectantly.

Hello. Is this Walter Penny? My name is Penny Walters. It’s my birthday and I just got a t-shirt with your name and phone number on it.” said the girl on the other end of the line.

Walter smiled to himself; his wish had come true.

Walter and Penny eventually met and exchanged all their birthday and Christmas presents, and promised to meet again if this strange “wish mix up” continued.

Walking away Walter guiltily wondered why Penny had not mentioned the $50 bills.

At the same time, Penny guiltily was wondering why Walter hadn’t mentioned the $100 bills she’d been receiving inside her birthday and Christmas cards.

 

note: I’m off on holidays and driving down to Kobe and Hiroshima. I’ll see you in a week or so. Have a good week! Feel free to  wander or wonder around the blog.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

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Considerization

looks fast ... I'll take it!

 

I consider …

coasting in neutral stealth technology.

clothes dryers entertainment.

peeling wallpaper an archeological site.

grey pencil crayons an insult to my imagination … and white beyond redemption.

field hockey sticks poorly designed.

chocolate chips friendly.

toes a necessary evil.

stop signs confrontational.

empty lots lacking.

and

others significant.

 

note: photo of the fastest looking slow piece of farm machinery I’ve ever seen … recently.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/  I’m rated as a “minus 2” over at humor blogs! I didn’t know I was so unfunny.

Paperclips

paperclipping!

 

Paperclips are trivial and go unnoticed by most people.

You can live your whole life without needing one.

What do paperclips do?

They hold stuff together that would otherwise just get scattered around, misplaced or lost.

Paperclips are like that one friend or family member that keeps in touch with everyone and lets you know what everyone else is doing.

They keep people from getting scattered around, misplaced, or lost.

They are essential and deserve to be noticed more.

You can’t really live a whole life without needing one.

Those individuals should be called “Peopleclips”.

 

note: pretty snazzy paperclips eh!

 

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Peddling Crime

baffled ... without baffles!

 

You can't catch me coppers!!! hee hee!!!

 

 

note: police photo taken by Kelly Pettit … because I was driving.

double note: Visor Man photo taken by me … because I was driving alone.

 

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Track Lines #5

special training

 

Me: I heat up. I can’t cool down.

Him: Have you tried drinking more water.

Me: My situation goes ’round and ’round.

Him: ahh! you caught me on this one!

 

great photo courtesy of nathaliewithanh.

*  great song here.  (but I seriously hated this one almost as much as “Silly Love Songs” and “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” at one time)

* Track Lines #1 and #2  and #3  and #4  are still spinning.

 

 

 

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Rainbows

 rainbows

 

note: I said I wanted to die in prison not prism!

double note: the unicorn drawing was just too gruesome.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/Blog/

Money Making Scheme #14

I’m going to open a used greeting card store called “Card Agains”.

Card Agains

People usually just throw away cards anyway, so it will be 100% profit!

 For Every Occasion!

 

… possibly I’ll wear some type of sweater to work as well.

 

note: sure … people could re-use their own cards, but that’s just cheap and miserly.

double note: hey! it’s the thought that counts! … Are you calling my mother a liar?

triple note: possible slogan/jingle:

“The card`s not all marked up. It’s Hallmarked up!”

 

quadruple note: go green, save the earth, and all that stuff you know.

quintuple note: Money Making Scheme #1 and #2 and #3 and #4 and #5 and #6 and #7  and #8  and #9  and #10  and #11  and# 12  and# 13 are still scheming.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Anagrams

A missing article

 

Cheese Ate Him.  … is anagrammatically correct!

… for I Am The Cheese.

 

note: Throng Dream  is an  anagramma … or grandmother.

double note: thanks to  Bunk Strutts    for his anagram link … which I can’t quite find now … so here is another anagram site  if you are in to anagramazing stuff.

triple note: S. Le  … I think this is why eventually the cheese stands alone. 

 

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Unconsciously Collecting Experiences

unconsciencelessnessly

 

 

note:

don’t worry  S. Le   … I’m not interested in that philosophy stuff … I know who I am: I am the cheese!!

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

In A Sundaze

 

cherry blossoms

 

 

I was so clueless yesterday it seemed like even the trees were Mensa members.

 

note: photo by Kelly Pettit.

double note: I wrote about “cherry blossoms and watching trees”  last year: it’s still here.

triple note: I definitely was not with “it” yesterday … or any other pronoun for that matter.

 

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