Monthly Archives: May 2010

Impractical Jokes

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In Matsumoto on the weekend there was an army of college students dotted around the city sitting on chairs, looking bored, and clicking little clickers counting pedestrian traffic.

I thought it would be funny to walk back and forth in front of one of them and have them keep clicking me over and over again.

It wasn’t funny.

Sometimes practical jokes shouldn’t be put into practice.

 

note: stopping just as you are about to pass those clicker people isn’t any funnier.

double note: I guess this idea was an ideological joke only.

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Trivial Bets #5

Toni Tennille of “The Captain and Tennille” fame was a backup singer on Pink Floyd‘s “Darkside of the Moon” album. (false)

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Rock, Teeth, Zipper.

 

Why does a little piece of food at the back of your throat make you gag like crazy,
… but a piece of lettuce on your tooth can just sit there all day unnoticed?

 

note: this was this weekend’s top weird strange amazing thing at the Matsumoto Craft Fair!

double note: sculpture by Ito Hirotoshi (last name first; first name last). Check out some of his other cool stuff: http://jiyuseki.com/  (click on the English link)

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Trivial Bets #4

Burt Lancaster is still alive. (false)

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It’s True!

 

Kicking the bucket isn’t much fun.

 

note: Death rides a pail horse! … that’s kind of silly.

double note: I guess I’m beyond the pail now!

triple note:kicking the bucket” phrase origin is here. If you are short of time, it says: The wooden frame that was used to hang animals up by their feet for slaughter was called a bucket. Not unnaturally they were likely to struggle or to spasm after death and hence ‘kick the bucket’.

quadruple note: I’m off to the Matsumoto Craft Fair  again! I’ll be back Sunday night … my time.

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Trivial Bets #3

At the end of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, you actually see Paul Newman and Robert Redford die. (false)

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Spot Quiz

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Completed “Connect the Dots” pictures are pretty pointless.

 

note: I draw the line at connecting the dots.

double note: with enough “connect the dots” type days I will hopefully figure out the bigger picture.

triple note: this is an environmentally friendly activity. Hey! pencils don’t grow on trees!

quadruple note: if you connect the dot in the picture, you will find you need a period at the end of that sentence. hee hee!

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Trivial Bets #2

Bart Simpson is most likely named “Bart” after the lead character in the movie “The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T” written by Dr. Seuss. (true)

more trivia: Sideshow Bob definitely gets his lastname Terwilliger from the movie’s villain. 

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2%

 

Scientists say humans and chimpanzees share 98% of the same genetic material. 

The last 2% must be really really good if those chimpanzees don’t want to share it with us. 

Stingy chimps!!

 

note: if I had 2% more genetic material does that mean I would be 2% smarter?
… or does that mean I’m probably not getting into Mensa any time soon.

double note: what the hell type of monkey is Curious George anyway?

triple note: I know those are monkeys in the photo. I think they were old world monkeys because I didn’t see the one on the end smoke with his tail.

quadruple note: when I have nothing to write about, I fall back on genetic material.

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Trivial Bets #1

The word “nepotism” comes from Napoleon’s habit of giving family members important positions. (false)

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Same Ship, Different Day

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My little book “Same Ship, Different Day” is now in print!

I think most of you have seen most of this stuff already in a little different form on WordPress already, so I would really like to send anyone and everyone on my blogroll a free copy to say thank you for reading and leaving comments on this blog.
My e-mail is: hey_ross@hotmail.com

Your names are at the back of the book as well! … if that is any incentive.

You can preview the entire book for free by clicking on the link below. Leaving a comment over at Blurb would be greatly appreciated as well.

 

note: a VERY BIG THANK YOU to Erica Pannen, Jan Kennedy, and Nancy Roberge for proofreading and offering constructive criticism.
… and a BIG THANK YOU to Kelly Pettit for doing the front and backcover up so nicely.

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notes to myself #199

We get tired of writing notes to ourself, so we end up putting something else down at the bottom of these posts after notes to myself #199.

It

Wherever it is …

we are all going to get it eventually.

 

note: I’m It … you were It last time.

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notes to myself #198

Sometimes we just don’t get it … like math and stuff.

The Whybrid

Here is a question for resident wind expert Prairie Flounder over at
 Sky Fishing :

Would a car with special high-tech pinwheels/whirly-gigs on it be able to create enough energy to run the car?

As soon as a car starts moving, all those things would be working non-stop.

It makes sense to me, but that’s not saying much.

 

note: maybe Bob Dylan was right, “The answer is blowin’ in the wind.

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notes to myself #197

Growing up and getting older are two very different things.

Endor$ement$

 

 

Does having a famous person promote a product really work?

If companies continue to pay celebrities gobs of money for endorsements, it must somehow positively affect sales.

I don’t think I’ve ever bought anything because someone famous was in the advertisement.

There must be a lot of people not like me out there.

 

note: balancing 4 tires seems like a lot of unnecessary work; why can’t they just balance the vehicle?

double note: Leonardo DiCaprio must be amazingly small … or I got screwed on the tires I bought!

triple note: I have nothing against Leonardo DiCaprio. He seems like an okay type of Joe … and donates some of the gobs of money he makes from endorsements like this to charity.

quadruple note: I don’t have gobs of money … I just have gob.

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notes to myself #196

Someday we are going to shave our head totally bald just to see how many scars, divets, and fissures are actually on our skull … but not today.

Funny Bones

 

The edges of tables usually tickle my funny bone the most.

 

note: why do people say “my funny bone” when they have 2 of them?

double note: the “ulnar nerve” is kind of a design defect in humans … like whatever dogs have that make their leg go crazy when you rub their belly.

triple note: do other animals have funny bones? … I bet gorillas do … but I’m not going to check.

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notes to myself #195

Choose your sequel movies well: some of them turn pretty crappy after a while … or right away.