Happy New Year!

 

When left to my own devices … I seem to gravitate toward vices.

 

note: I’ll be gone for a few more days … New Year’s Eve and all that stuff. Yokohama/Tokyo calls again.

double note: a Happy New Year to everyone! May 2011 be something that includes all the months … and not just May. hee hee!

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Today #102

Today tasted like yesterday’s mayonaisse. … yestertodayanaisse kind of.

An Omni-Present

 

It happens every year.

A kid gets a present, they use it for one day, and then they forget all about it!

I don’t think adults would get away with that one!

 

note: when I get alcohol as a present, the present doesn’t worry me … it’s the future that makes me nervous.

double note: if I don’t get on here tomorrow …
MERRY CHRISTMAS  and HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone.
All the best to you and yours from me and mine!

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Today #101

Today surprised me like a shaken can of beer.

Christmas Treason

 

I used to live near a few Christmas Tree farms:

Christmas Trees look a lot like pine trees for most of the year.

 

note: I don’t know why there were fences around the farms. It’s not like pine trees move very fast!

double note: my place is only big enough to have a Christmas Tree stump.

triple note: Christmas Tree stumps never get artificial limbs.

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Today #100

Today smelled a lot like yesterday.
Maybe it was just me.

Stocking Up

 

Christmas stockings are like dead crows;

they are only good hanging up for decorative purposes.

 

note: as a kid I didn’t have a stocking with my name on it, I had to use the one with my older brother’s name on it. I always worried that on Christmas morning the stocking might be full of Playboys, cigarettes, and whiskey instead of toys and candy.
I don’t worry about that stuff now.

double note: has anyone ever worn out a Christmas stocking?

triple note: it would be pretty freaky to find a foot at the bottom of a Christmas stocking!!!
… unless that’s what you wanted.

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Today #99

I wrote out my Christmas Wish List today: Kim Jong-il, Robert Mugabe, co-worker, …
I mean my Christmas Hit List.

Christmassospondylus

People seem to forget that  before all those flying reindeer started pulling Santa’s sleigh, Christmas had a different meaning:

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… there were flying dinosaurs pulling Santa’s sleigh!

“Santa, red with tooth and claw”
(apologies to Lord Alfred Tennyson)

 

note: on Allo, on Bronto, on T-rex, on Stego!
              on Brachio, on Veloci, on Tricera, on Patago!

double note: this Christmas display had the regular holiday characters as well. From left to right in the photo Santa, Frosty, Hello Kitty, Mickey Mouse, and Doraemon … if you were standing behind them. hee hee!

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Today #98

Today was morning breathtaking.

Lemmings

 

 

It’s not true what they say about lemmings.

It’s just a myth.

They don’t taste like lemons at all!

… more like limes actually.

 

 note: “Take us to your leader.”
            “Follow us!”

double note: if I was a lemming, I’d go to Acapulco, Mexico and make my fortune cliff diving. … but I’d only do it once.

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Today #97

Today I came home to 3 degrees Celcius interior house temperature. It’s a balmy 9 degrees now. Thanks for asking.
I think there are going to be a lot of “todays” like this for a while.

A Bad Idea

 

Tarzan’s “sirloincloth” was a bad idea.

 

note: why isn’t a loincloth called a groincloth?

double note: if Tarzan called the chimp Cheeta, what did he call the cheetahs? …  Spots? … or didn’t he get around to naming them?

triple note: “I see Spots. Let’s get the hell out of the Eric Hill section of the kids’ library!”

quadruple note: I bet you thought that I forgot how to draw!
You are so wrong! I never could draw, so how could I forget!

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Today #96

I waited all day for today to turn into tomorrow, but I guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow for that to happen.
… or is this a “pee in the corner of a round room” type phenomena?

Planes And Boats And Trains

 

 

Singers sing about cars, trucks, vans, motorcycles, boats, rockets, planes, helicopters, trains, buses, subways, balloons, bicycles, unicycles, skateboards, rollerskates, horses, and even Segways (Weird Al Yankovic)

… but no one ever sings about stilts.

Songwriters can’t be blamed for this oversight really:

the best rhyme that goes with “stilts” is “kilts”

… and stilts and kilts don’t really work too well together in my experience.

 

 

note: photo taken by Kelly Pettit … while we were being shopping mauled the other day.

double note: when I saw this photo it made me realize why I usually drive on the inside of my van.

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Today #95

I’m washing my stinky slippers today.
The ones I don’t wear at all never stink!
It’s a mystery!

 

A Big Bag Of Nothing

 

Sometimes inspiration doesn’t strike: no ideas, no thoughts, no nothing.

My mind is an empty cupboard cleaned of all morsels, crumbs, and other droppings.

And then I think …
why was was I eating in that “mind cupboard” … and who the hell’s been cleaning it???

Sure wasn’t me!

 

note: like most things in my life … if inspiration doesn’t come easily, I’m not going to try to do anything about it. I’m very Zen … or lazy … or something like that.

double note: I’m so far from so good … so far.

triple note: my mind isn’t really like a cupboard, it’s more like a walk-in closet that you can run around in. (I don’t have to follow those architectural rulers)

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Today #94

Today I yelled at a car that zoomed by me, “Are you Mario Andretti, or something?”
I must have stopped watching car racing when I was 7.

Facequakes

It’s amazing how a line turns into a crease which turns into a wrinkle and then becomes a furrow … on a human face.

That’s quite a feat! … or crows’ feat at least.

 

note: a lot of lines on the face should be considered a “murder of crows’ feet“.

double note: some people’s faces look like maps to places I haven’t visited yet.

triple note: lines are just lazy squares.

quadruple note: are there any plastic dental surgeons? … and do they melt on hot days like those plastic surgeons do?

quintuple note: dentists should work in “Toothspitals“.

sextuple note: I was a plastic bagman for the mafia … or maybe that was at the recycle center.

octuple note: the photo has nothing to do with the entry. It’s just a van that has been parked at this location since at least 1998. I consider it Art, but I don’t know what the owner named it.

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Today #93

Today I didn’t kill anyone … again!