Monthly Archives: January 2010

Things To Do

 

 

It’s amazing how much one can get done by avoiding the least favourite.

 

note: “look at me! I’m doing the avoi-dance.” … with moves and everything!

double note: I use bigger pieces of paper for the “Things to Do in Life” list … than all the day to day stuff lists. … I ain’t talking money … some things are priceless.

triple note:  I cleaned these damn windows after laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, shopping, misplacing things in the right misplacing areas, and even … sorting myself out mildly.

quadruple note:oh! I can see my dirty van now!

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notes to myself #130

Eventually you know a cool musician … it’s an accident like most things.

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what I’m listening to #1

Sarah McLachlan

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Day Breaks

 

Yesterday I spent a halfternoon cleaning and the other halfternoon shopping.

Having 2 halfternoons is very productive:

… it really breaks the day up.

 

note: havetonoons suck.

double note: I can’t wait for summer weekends … so I can do nothing for longer again.

triple note: I’m just a motivational listener.

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notes to myself #129

The older you get the less elders you have to listen to.

Every Friday Evening

 

Every Friday evening a 2 year old boy comes with his mother for a 30 minute English class.

Every Friday evening I blow up a balloon and put it somewhere in the room.

Every Friday evening when he comes in to the room we look for the balloon.

When he finds it I ask him what color it is and then we have the big conversation:

Here you are.
Thank you.”     … as we pass it back and forth.

After that we move on to more extreme stuff like:

– looking for animals in the jungle
– making imaginary cakes with imaginary ingredients 
– examining the contents of magical bags holding treasures like plastic fruit, 2 piece animal puzzles, or things that need to be classified as a certain color

In between these important activities we sings songs:

– about his health (How are you?)
– environmental issues (How’s the weather?)
– public transportation (The Wheels on the Bus),
– monkeys jumping on beds, spiders climbing drainpipes, ducks hiking, …

It’s a quick 30 minutes and I actually look forward to it for some weird reason.

I know his name, but I don’t think he knows mine.

I’m just the balloon man.

 

note: another little kid calls me “Wednesday” because that’s when he has a class.

double note: little kids really need to have a life.

triple note: most kids like me because I’m bigger and very different looking than their parents … like a dinosaur … or something. I can live with that.

quadruple note: most kids like me are probably the same age as me … or older or younger. I know where you live.

quintuple note: finding two meanings in everything is really annoying sometimes.

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notes to myself #128

You end up where you belong … you don’t really fit in, but you still belong somehow.

Pink

 

 What’s with males and the color pink?

By the time most boys are 5 years old the color pink has been hardwired into their heads as being a girls’ color. 

For boys …

no pink bicycles; no pink clothing; no pink toys.

A fluffy bunny doll is okay, but not a pink fluffy bunny doll.

Boys aren’t even offered the option of pink for most things … and if they are, their parents would probably direct them away from that option.

It’s societal brainwashing … about a color.

When did this start? and why?

I’m not an advocate for boys wearing pink: I’m as brainwashed as the next guy.

I’m just wondering.

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note: yellow and polka dots are questionable too!

double note: the only pink t-shirt I’d wear is a Pink Floyd one … or this.

triple note: I unconsciously consider all Flamingos female … and I don’t know why!

quadruple note: a pink pig doll is okay for boys … there isn’t much you can do with a pig sometimes.

quintuple note: bubble gum, pink elephant popcorn, and cotton candy are exceptions for some reason. I guess the brainwashing doesn’t include food … or near food products.

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notes to myself #127

When you finally buy a suit, the salesman sells you a light rose colored shirt to go with it: it’s pink.
It’s not so bad really.

Being Good At Stuff

 

Most people really excel at something.

I’m pretty good at the traffic lights turning green.

 

note: I don’t want to be great. I just want to be really really really really really good!

double note: I’m training for the 2050 Winter Olympics. I’m going to be a demonstration sport.

triple note: critics seem pretty opinionated.

quadruple note: I’m good at exhalerating too!

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notes to myself #126

It’s an “extension cord” not an “extend some cord“.

I’m So Lazy

 

I’m so lazy …

– I don’t cut the tags off of clothing.

– if I were a Jedi I’d use the centrifical Force.

– I can only swallow half a pill.

– the fingernails on the other hand will have to wait to be cut.

– I only use parts of speech.

– I breath out oxygen.

– I avoid blinking.

– I wash my pants with the belt still on them.

– I assume people just give me colorful packages as presents.

– my hair stops growing.

– I wish there was a 100 year calendar to put on my wall.
(I’m optimistically lazy sometimes)

– I pretend that thing in the fridge is cheese.

– I contract contractions: ‘m, u’r, h’s, s’s, sh’v, w’v, c’v, …

– I don’t shuffle cards; I just play a different game.

– I just eat vegetable seeds from the nursery.

– I’m even too lazy to pretend I’m sick to cover up my laziness.

– light switches are too much like heavy lifting.

– I throw out scratch tickets after I buy them.
(I’m pessimistically lazy sometimes)

– escalators are work.

– I don’t count sheep: I consider them a group.

– I buy skinless, boneless, and meatless chicken.

-I tuck my hands up my shirt sleeves, so people won’t ask why my shirt is unbuttoned.

-I tell fast food staff not to wrap my burger because I’m really into recycling.

– I drink untapped water.

 

note: Do fast food places even have dishwashers?

double note: I’m not really this lazy. … I’m more phasey or possibly malaisey sometimes.

triple note: my brother sent me 2 Winter Olympic toques … so I don’t know what I’ll have for a picture tomorrow.

quadruple note: I never use that “Proofread Writing” button up in the toolbox. I don’t think it would understand me.

quintuple note: the change in your pocket isn’t going to change your life drastically, so please stick it in one of those “Haiti” boxes that are probably everywhere.  It could drastically change someone else’s.

sextuple note: … or any other “cause box” of your choice. “Just Be Cause” is my new slogan.
… I’m getting all Sally Strutherery.

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notes to myself #125

You eventually lose contact with all your peers from play school. Oh! you’ve forgotten them already? … nevermind.

Guilty People

 

 Guilty people who get off being convicted of stuff should be charged with “beating the system to death”.

 

note: something is really wrong if you are the “even one out“.

double note: beating the odds once in a while evens things out. Beating the evens is just odd … or something like that.

triple note:I’m an evenball.

quadruple note:It’s exactly where I left it. That’s even!

quintuple note: He was penalty kicked to within an inch of his life. (or a centimetre if you’re metric)

sextuple note: metric sounds more brutal sometimes.

septuple note:  soccer sounds more brutal than it is.

octuple note: My oldest brother sent me cool Winter Olympic toques … 2010 ones no less!  (toques are ski hats to you non-Canadians)

nuntuple note: can I have head pajamas? … cause I’m thinking about wearing this to bed.

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notes to myself #124

You have no shame.

The Last Kid

 

 

note: no notes accepted … only coins.

double note: coin slots, sofas, and drains … are like ATMs for children.

triple note: why isn’t it called “plastic bottled water“?

quadruple note: I put pennies in coin return slots … just to mess with kids’ heads.

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notes to myself #123

You may think that people who leave money in coin return slots are careless, but hey!  people’s fingers get really big and those slots are pretty small … and low to the ground!

Hanging Out In 100B

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Hope springs eternal”      (Alexander Pope)

Spring springs eternal too! … and is springy!”      (planetross)

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note: When a pregnant woman tells me her due date … I do the math and figure out when her did date was.
… I hope other guys do that too.

double note: Spring is 9 months away from the first day of summer … or only a day away …  if you are into nostalgia.

triple note:Danny Says” by The Ramones and Tom Waits! How cool is that? … pretty cool.
I couldn’t find an Alexander Pope version, sorry.

quadruple note: I figured I’d throw this one out on the weekend because nobody ever comments of this video stuff anyway.

quintuple note: If  Tom Waits, Joey Ramone, and Alexander Pope were in the same room; I’m sure I’d be dreaming.

sextuple note: I’m getting all melancholugubrious.

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notes to myself #122

Everyone has their own musical taste … it’s just the way it is. Opening your ears and shutting your mouth is usually better than closing your ears and opening your mouth.

A Square With Dots

 

I bet board game people were very happy when dice were invented.

and people who weren’t good at Chess … or Checkers/Draughts … or The Royal Game of Ur … or Go … or Mah Jongg … or that spinner thing in The Game of Life.

 

note:It looks like a great game … but how are people going to get these playing pieces around the board?

double note: like so many other ones, this entry started out very complex before I just went back to the basics … basically … and got basic … or simple … or started thinking about dice and how cool they are.

triple note:       Yahtzeedice not included.

quadruple note: I originally was thinking about the cool horsey move in Chess … if you really must know.
That move should really be used more in martial arts.

quintuple note: sometimes it’s just as important to remember where we learn things as what we actually learn.

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notes to myself #121

Our father only plays games with us until we win … then he teaches us another one. I’m not sure if he just lets us win or not. We will never know.
We are solid at Chess, Cribbage, and Checkers: be grateful.