Tag Archives: dentists

Dental HighScream

 

I felt really foolish sitting in the dentist’s chair with the pink paper bib thing around my neck

… especially after they told me I wasn’t going to get a discount for bringing my own.

 

note: I like the dentist who does all the tooth drilling and grinding. I figure, either I am a masochist or she’s the only female dentist there.

double note: do not drink blue kool-aid before going to the dentist.

triple note:teeth and trees are very similar; they both are made of wood.
                        (quote from my great-great-grandmother … or someone like that)

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Today #257

Everything has become much clearer to me today: I washed my windows.

Dentists

 

As soon as I open my mouth and they start talking, I know that deep down dentists wished they were engineers:

bridges, root canals, dental dams, braces/railroad tracks, drills, and even toothpicks!

They can’t fool me!

 

note: I think the worst thing I’ve tried to eat while my mouth was still frozen from the dentists were waffles. You never really know where the waffle ends and the inside of your mouth begins.

double note: opening my mouth and having someone else start talking makes me feel like a dummy … a ventriloquist’s dummy.

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Today #119

Today was like watching all the coming attractions before the movie … but the movie never started.

Theo’s Thoughts

Collected Thoughts

 

 This is the story of Theo when he was eight and not so rottenish yet.

Theo thought he needed a hobby; actually, his parents insisted he do something other than skulk around claiming he was bored all the time.

All his friends had hobbies: sports cards, stamps, coins, trainspotting, advanced robotics, …

One of his friends even collected teeth; but his father was a dentist, so that was only mildly disturbing.

Theo decided to collect his thoughts.

He would put them in jars, label them, and keep them in a bookcase that was really doing nothing except holding a bunch of  books.

He thought about all the thoughts he thought in one day …or at least thought about all the thoughts he thought he thought about in one day … and realized he had too many thoughts to collect all of them.
 He only had 35 jars, so he decided “happy thoughts” might be a good start.

Over the next few weeks he collected and organized all his “happy thoughts” about finding money, ice cream, toys, running through sprinklers, …

In no time at all, all his jars were full!
Surprisingly, 3 jars were exclusively filled with “happy thoughts” about ice cream!

It was a very fine collection of thoughts.

He soon realized that since all his “happy thoughts” were bottled up, labelled, and stacked away; he had a very large number of “sad thoughts” floating around in his head.
With no “happy thoughts” to chase the “sad thoughts” away, they just lingered.

This made him sadder.

Theo decided it would be a good idea to free all his “happy thoughts” and start collecting his “sad thoughts” instead.

He refilled his jars with “sad thoughts” about broken bones, no dessert, vaccination needles, dropped ice cream cones, dentist visits …

Other Collected Thoughts ... and some asparagus too

 

It took him a whole month to fill up all 35 jars. 

He concluded that “sad thoughts” were more difficult to trap  than “happy thoughts” because they didn’t like jars.

With no more “sad thoughts” in his head, Theo thought he’d be really happy: but he wasn’t.

Without any “sad thoughts” to balance his “happy thoughts“, his “happy thoughts” weren’t as strong or happy anymore …  kind of like appreciating being healthy a lot more after being sick … or how a cold Winter makes Spring’s arrival so much better. He needed both sadly, or happily.

Theo decided to release his “sad thoughts” and resolved  never to collect his thoughts ever again.

He used the 35 jars to catch colds instead.

 

note: The jar of asparaguses on the floor is not a “sad thought“: Theo just dropped it accidentally on purpose while walking by the bookcase on the way to the dinner table. He had a “happy thought” right after he did this for some reason.

 

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The Perineum

gynecologist snowman

I call the dentist and doctor
a “pair of neum”
because
I rarely see ’em.

 

note: I’ll blame Ogden Nash  , a bit of insomnia, and my father for this one.

 

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A New Toothbrush

I bought a *new toothbrush yesterday.

I don’t know how often you are suppose to, but I usually buy one when I get the sneaky feeling that I’m just sticking a plastic thing in my mouth a few times a day out of habit more than hygiene.

I stood in the store aisle debating the pros and cons of each type before picking exactly the same model I always get.
I like green handled ones: I mentally associate them with freshness, mintiness, and how effective advertising really is.

I brush my teeth longer with a new toothbrush. Maybe I’m breaking it in … or enjoying all those new bristles … or just introducing it to all my teeth.
Someone should do a study about this; not me though, it sounds kind of boring.

I should probably just buy 10 toothbrushes at a time, but I don’t want to get stuck with obsolete stuff if there is a big advance in toothbrush technology.

* new toothbrush: I don’t know why I have to clarify that it is new, but I do.

note: Can you buy false teeth for combs?

double note: Bad drivers are car dentists.

triple note: Some people should practice better aural hygiene. I SAID,  “SOME PEOPLE SHOULD PRACTICE BETTER AURAL HYGIENE”.

quadruple note: I know there is something funny about Moral Hygiene, but I can’t quite put my finger on it … and if I do, I will wash my hands afterwards.

quintuple note: Burt Reynolds was a pro and a con in The Longest Yard.

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Drills

 

 

Drills are boring; and knives are sometimes dull.

note: fire drills are pretty useless: water tends to work better.

double note: there’s money in drilling oil and teeth.

triple note: “What did we catch in the net?”  
                     “Navy Seals” 
                     “Better throw them back or greenpeace is gonna be on our ass again.”

SPECIAL NOTE: nathaliewithanh has another Japan adventure blog  up on her site.

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