Witch Doctors

“Witch” doctors should really emphasize preventative medicine.

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Cows

 

 

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

Ogden Nash 

 

 

It’s difficult to write about cows: it’s rare for it to be well done.

 

 

 

To reudderate, I will ruminate on this and search for irrumination on the topic.

 

 

note: Pat Coakley over at Single for a Reason  requested I write about cows. I guess she figures I’m like one of those wind-up monkeys or something: “Play Monkey Play!”

  

 

 

 

 

 

 It was hard to type with those cymbals on my hands, but I tried.

 

 

 

 

double note: my friend the psychologist wanted to go to England during the Mad Cow Epidemic.

“Why are you so angry? And how does that make you feel?”

 

 

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Villains

 

 

If I had to choose between being a “movie villain” or a “comic book villain”, I’d want to be a comic book villain because they don’t seem to die.

I guess a comic book villain in a movie would be the best.

note: Superman came from another planet and only had super human strength on earth. Maybe on another planet I could really kick some serious ass.

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Cereal

 

I thought someone had “defrosted” all my Frosted Flakes, but then I realized that I had bought Corn Flakes by mistake.

 

 

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Naked

 

When I drive ..  it’s “naked” or “nothing at all”.

 

Can you think of a good caption for the “NAKED” car?

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Teeth

 

My friend’s teeth are all starting to fall out.

He’s taken good care of them: brushing regularly and going to the dentist every 6 months,

but …

they keep falling out one after the other.

He’s not too worried about it for some reason.

He’s only 7 years old though.

Me? I’d be freaking out!!

note: is a mouthful of blueberries classified as bluetooth technology?

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Lazy

 

I wish someone would do something about lazy people.

If a lazy person walked over to me, I’d get someone to slap them on the side of the head.

 

note:    When is it time to wash dishes?   

When you are eating take-a-way food from a bundt pan with the ice cream scoop.

 

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The Beach

 

 

Everyone has their beach.

 

Mine is on Morro de Sao Paulo, Brazil: 2 hours by catamaran from Salvador.

 

Off and on, I spent 4 months there from April 2006 to January 2007.

 

I met amazing people; had amazing adventures; and became the laziest person on earth for a short time.

 

Paradise?

 

No.

 

But very close.

 

When I think of the beach, I think of this one.

 

 

Where is your beach?

 

Milk

 

 

I wish I could have children and be able to breastfeed …

because I sure don’t feel like walking to the store for milk right now.

note:     lactating – what ever “tating” is, I guess I don’t lack it.

double note: I expected to find porn when I punched “milk Jugs” into the search engine; but there was just… milk.. and … jugs.

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My Brother’s Birthday!

It’s one of my brothers’ birthdays today.

He’s about 12 years older than me and is very cool.

Top Ten reasons why I love my brother (in no specific order):

1. He took me to see the Harlem Globetrotters when I was a kid.

2. He used to play nerf ball soccer with me when he came over for Sunday dinners.

3. After our father died, he filled in at a Father/Son soccer game when I was a kid.

4. He gave me my best Christmas present when I was 12 years old: the book “Dune” with a $50 bill tucked inside of it.

5. He gave up drinking and other things a long time ago. I admire that.

6. He likes to have 2 desserts after dinner. I admire that too.

7. He can tell you what he learned in grade 2 and in what order he learned it.

8. He is very interested in everything; and knows just enough about enough stuff to be dangerous.

9. He has me as a brother.

10. He stores all my crap at his house.

 

Happy 55th Big Brother.

note: When I moved to Japan he sent me the Crapasaurus because he couldn’t find a Godzilla doll taking a shit.