Monthly Archives: May 2011

A Coffee Break

 

I seem to be moving at “coffee breakneck speed” these days.

 

note: I’m taking a short hiatus from posting for a while … or a long lowatus … or a few weeks probably.

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Today #205

Something good is going to happen today: I can feel it!

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Double Tandem Pairs

 

Doubles tennis, 2-man bobsled, pairs figure skating, …

Why isn’t there a world renowned international tandem bicycle competition?

I’d watch the “Twoer de France”.

 

note: sponsors could get twice as much advertising too! … for stuff that I don’t buy anyway.

double note:imitation is the highest form of flattery” … but I think one of them might be mocking the other … because that would be the only way I’d be wearing the same outfit as someone else.
Flattery/Mockery: just look like the same side of the coin.

triple note:It’s amazing that we wear the same outfits as each other everyday!
                       “Shut up! It’s a uniform!

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Today #204

I’ll wait for the autopsy on today before I know what happened for sure.

Total Recallections

 

If people had total recall of every memory stamped on their brain:

– School would be over very quickly.
– phone books could be shared between a lot of people.
– Lost and Found areas wouldn’t have so much stuff in them.
– saying “I forgot.” would be a crappier excuse than it is now.

-computer apps and memo books for remembering stuff would be gone.
-“belated birthday cards” wouldn’t be very popular.
– a lot of movies and tv shows would look very copied … more than they do now. “This is the same as episode 52 of The Rockford Files, episode 129 of Barnaby Jones, and episode 5 of Cannon!

– sports stats would only be for newbies.
– no one would make mistakes singing National Anthems … unintentionally.
– the jean jacket with the  patch on it saying “Don’t eat yellow snow“, that I left behind a rock on Mt. Rundle in Banff when I was 11 years old, wouldn’t still be behind that rock.

– déjà vu would be clinically verifiable.
– people would probably know exactly when they lost their memory.
– I would know exactly how many Big Macs I’ve eaten in my lifetime.
– memory sticks would still be popular.

– the rhetorical question “How many times have I told you … ” wouldn’t have to be uttered … “I’ve told you 34,094 times … ” would be more popular.
– grudges might last longer.
– trivial bets would have to be more trivial.
– being born would be kind of a weird memory.

and

… History would still repeat itself … because total recall wouldn’t mean people would be any smarter.

Remembering mistakes is different than learning from them.

 

note: I’m glad I don’t have total recall of all my memories … otherwise I would never snap my fingers, look skyward blankly with a furrowed brow, or slap my head.

double note:I remember everything I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday” … or maybe only a little stuff that happened yesterday … or I think happened yesterday possibly only a little.
(if you remember/know what record/song/artist that quote is from, please let me know. You’re only hint is Meatloaf on this one.)

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Today #203

Today my morning consisted of sitting in a hotspring bath and buying a helium balloon: life’s tough like that sometimes.

Room For Change

 

The changeroom was somehow different than the last time I went into it.

 

note: change for changesake is vending machinations.

double note: change for the better sounds like an overtipping recipient.

triple note: I think personal change, for the better, is just losing crap you don’t really need and acquiring crap you do: like a piece of cheese being molded into something better … like penicillin.

quadruple note: I’ve been preoccupied following the Vancouver Canucks make it to the Stanley Cup Final: hopefully I’ll be busy until they win The Cup. This blog may suffer for a few more weeks.
(On Planetross there is only one cup … but there are a lot of bowls, plates, and silverware.)

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Today #202

Today was as easy as spelling “easy” “EZ“.

Colour

 

If all people started out as one of the three primary colours, eventually everyone would be the colour of what I used to mix up in kindergarten.

I always thought that was a good colour.

 

note: I’m sure there would be some hardliner blues, yellows, and reds that never mixed … but that’s a secondary issue … or maybe a primary issue.

double note: I bet pink boys would curse their red and albino parents.

triple note: aliens were probably disappointed that people weren’t bright colours when colour television was invented … I know I was … especially about referee jerseys.  hee hee!

quadruple note: I’m colour deaf … I can’t hear any of them!

quintuple note:Why so blue?” 
                                      “It’s hereditary.

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Today #201

I went to a “Happened” today … it was like a “Happening“, but I arrived late.

Like A Post … But Not Quite

 

The “pole vaulted ceiling” was never very popular.

… kind of like that sport.

 

note: Warsaw: it’s an accurate name, but kind of a bummer.

double note: 

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Today #200

Today I bought The Brothers Karamazov novel and a Kobito Dukan file cover: I have to keep things in balance most of the time.

(I think the Kobito Dukan (dwarf encyclopedia) stuff is going to be big worldwide!) … maybe it is already, I’m 46, so I’m kind of out of it. hee hee!

Nothing

 

On the day I have nothing left to look forward to,

… I’ll probably still have nothing right to look forward to.

 

note: I look backward to some people … especially when I cut bread lefthanded … and when they poke me with their bags and crap because they are standing too close behind me in line-ups.

double note: I don’t look forward to the day I have nothing left to look forward to.

triple note: I look forward to most things: it’s an eye thing.

quadruple note: I look forward … usually when I unbutton a few extra buttons on my t-shirt. hee hee!

quintuple note: I look “for Ward” … usually in old Batman reruns.

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Today #199

My “iron man” student missed a class today for the first time in 4 years!
She’s only 9 years old: I’m sure she will get over it … and the chicken pox … or whatever she has.

Ring Toning Up

 

I use a dog whistle ringtone on my phone.

“Dogs barking: I have a call.”

 

note: it’s too high for you to hear.

double note: the outer part of your ear keeps growing until you die: do you really want to live forever?

triple note: who would call their kid “Ear nest“?

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Today #198

Today I thought my hearing was getting bad while talking to a co-worker, but it turned out that I just wasn’t listening.
(I’m just tone deaf when people strike a certain tone with me) hee hee!

Giant Outdoor Litterbox

This is how to make a giant outdoor litterbox outside of your house. (making a giant outdoor litterbox inside your house may prove more difficult)

 

First: choose a location.

Second: make a border using something. I used the natural rocks found nearby on top of the area.

Third: add soil. If you add regular dirt or cat litter, that’s okay … because it will become soiled eventually.

And that’s about it.

I guess cats will probably get involved at some point, but you don’t need any of your own.
To bastardize  a line from Shoeless Joe by W. P. Kinsella:

If you build it, they will come.

 

note: I put flowers in my giant outdoor litterbox while I wait for those cats.

double note: a big thank you to Mr. Pettit  for suggesting this rental property improvement … eventhough he didn’t do any of the work!
… why do I feel like “The Little Red Hen“?

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Today #197

I was more outvolved in today than involved.

Bucket!

 

My mother washed my mouth out with soap for saying “bucket” once … or something like that.

I can’t remember what she used when I said it twice though.

 

note: if kids liked the taste of soap, what a perfect world that would be … for kids.

double note: I’m sure mothers would find an alternative to soap pretty quick: mothers are always full of alternatives … for altering kids’ behaviours.

triple note: nobody has invented a new swear word for a while … maybe longer words could be the answer.

quadruple note: ultimatums should be called ultimotherums … they seem to use them the most.

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Today #196

Today was unseasonable … like something you can’t eat no matter what you sprinkle on it.