Monthly Archives: March 2008

My Wheelchair

About 7 months ago I bought a wheelchair at a recycle shop.
I didn’t need it, but for 1000 yen (about $10) it was a bargain.
I pretended not to notice the look on the clerk’s face, forked over the money, and took it home.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always wanted one.
And now I am the proud owner of one!
I think most people, who don’t need them, have a fascination with wheelchairs.
There is something about sitting in that seat and wheeling yourself around.
I had a BBQ party and 90% of those who came either sat in the wheelchair or took it for a spin.
I could see on a few friends’ faces that they were debating whether they should get one too.
We could have races on weekends!

Cheese Makes Me Sweat

I like blue cheese. I like it a lot!
But when I eat it, it makes me sweat under the eyes.
Actually most strong cheese has the same effect on me.
When I mention this to people, 90% say this is impossible and accuse me of not knowing my own bodily functions.
But 10% say it also happens to them.
So…. does strong cheese make you sweat under the eyes?
note: The Naked Scientists gives a possible explanation here.

Sponsored By ….


Countries should get companies to advertise on their flags.
I’d bet some countries could pay off their debts quickly and painlessly with the right sponsor.
Countries seem to take their flags a bit too seriously anyway.
It’s just a bit of cloth.

The apple symbol or Colonel Sanders would look quite nice on the Canadian flag.

South Korea’s flag already looks like the Pepsi symbol.

The U.S. flag could have 63 corporate sponsors (they have a big debt). One in each star and thirteen for the stripes. Stripe sponsors would have to pay more: stripes are bigger.

Maybe some of the richest countries don’t need sponsors, but they could change their flags anyway. I’m sure an ad executive somewhere could come up with something better than stripes, triangles, crosses, stars, circles, or moons.

Advertising is everywhere anyway, why not make it work in your favour?

Ear Cleaning

I had my ears cleaned a few weeks ago.
I usually do it myself with Q-tips or cotton buds or whatever other name those things go by.
But there was an ear cleaning place in the shopping centre I visited and I was curious.
All the staff had those hospital uniforms on. I like those.
I had to fill out a form with questions like:
Have you ever had ear problems?
Have you ever had your ears professionally cleaned?
When was the last time you cleaned your ears?
What kind of wax do you have? soft or hard?
And a few other similar ones.
They sat me in a nice space-aged chair, put a video camera in my ears and let me have a before look.
I got the after look when they finished: but it looked about the same to me.
The technician had a little wooden/plastic scraper with what looked like a little spoon on the end of it.
She dug and scraped one ear and then switched over and dug and scraped out the other ear.
It was all very relaxing.
After that she swabbed my ears with something and then gave me an ear massage for about 5 minutes. She gave me the vulcan mindmeld treatment (sorry, I used to be a STARTREK fan) hitting all the pressure points, if there are any; pulled my ears a bit too much; and then gave my ears another swab of something for good measure.
Overall it was very enjoyable, although a bit expensive.
They even gave me a point card!!!

No Belly Button

When I was born, the doctor stole my mother’s belly button.
The doctor offered to remove the excess skin my mother had accumulated in the stomach area from pumping out so many kids.
In the bargain he removed her belly button as well.
To be fair, this was in pre-cosmetic surgery days; and my mother wasn’t big on bikinis anyway.
I remember being called a liar in 1st grade by my doubting friends.
I dragged some of them back to my place after school and begged my mother to show her buttonless midriff to my friends.
She didn’t.
But she did confirm my story as true.
It would have been better if she had shown it though.

Electric Blankets

I can’t go to bed yet.
I have to wait for at least another 30 minutes, so my electric blanket sufficiently warms my bed. Well actually, it’s a futon.

Nothing beats crawling into a nicely warmed futon on a cold night!
Well, maybe a few things do.

The electric blanket was a gift from an old girlfriend. It goes under the bottom sheet and pumps out some serious heat! One friend claimed she burnt her bum on it, but I think she was exaggerating.
I love my electric blanket so much.

I gave one as a Christmas gift last year to a friend of mine.
He loves his too.
I don’t know how him and his wife survived without one for so long.
I don’t think I could live through the winter without it.
It is my best friend these days.

Only another 20 minutes to go.

Word Association

Everytime I see or hear the word sanskrit, I think of the Tuscan Raiders from the Star Wars movies!

Secret Rooms


At work I usually do a tour with some students of all the cubbie holes and hidden areas, of the building I work in, as a follow up to reading the story, “A Secret Room”.
We go into the storage area under the stairs, examine cupboards that look like part of the wall, and look behind doors that don’t get used very often.

There is a large crawl space under my room.
The entrance is under my desk.
The cement cover reminds me of the tunnel entrance in “The Great Escape”: the one that was in the barrack’s shower.

I move my desk, lift the lid, and let the kids have a look.

I tell them, this is where I put badly behaved students.

The kids usually look at me, stick their heads in the hole again, look at me again, and nervously smile.

I usually don’t have any behavioural problems from them for at least 5 minutes.



When someone starts talking about things like blood cells, DNA, or ganglia; I always say that I don’t have any of them.
Then I start talking about something important like my new socks.

When people ask me for directions, I tell them “You can’t get there from here“.
Usually the look on their faces makes me feel a little sorry for them; so I tell them where the airport is.

When I was young, I was a lot shorter than I am now.

When other people talk to me and I don’t hear what they say, I usually answer with:
I like dogs, but I can’t eat a whole one!

When someone says they really like chocolate cake, I usually ask,
Do you know what’s better than chocolate cake?
and then answer: 2 chocolate cakes!!!
I use this question and answer routine for most things.
It’s really annoying.

When people show me something they bought at a dollar store,
I always ask how much it was.

When you have food conflicts with other people, don’t take the law into your own hands.
Take them to Food Court!
When I meet twins, I like to ask one of them when their birthday is.
After he or she answers, I ask the other one.



I’m not usually too interested in anything I classify as touchy feely.

I’m a cynic.

But I’m interested/curious about things that purge or cleanses the body: ear cleaning, facial and body scrubs, and body detoxification.

I’ve tried the first 2 and would like to try the 3rd.

A friend of mine went to Kamalaya Spa on Koh Samui in Thailand a few years ago and raves about it. One week of body detoxification left him lighter, healthier, and full on energy.

There are enemas involved.
I’m not into those, but if that’s what it takes then so be it.

I’d like to see what extra stuff I’ve been packing around inside of me all these years.

Maybe I’d find that penny I swallowed as a kid.
Maybe I’d find my gullibility, naivity, or sense of wonder. I haven’t seen those for a while.
Maybe I could get rid of my jadedness, cynicism, or that broken heart I think I’m still carrying around.

It would be interesting.

I think afterwards I would celebrate with a big steak and a bunch of beer!