Why aren’t there any round cardboard boxes?
I had to make one myself before I could wrap up the beach ball I bought for my friend’s birthday.
note: I guess I should have inflated the beach ball.
double note: square balloons would be cool too!
triple note: if the world was square, I bet there would be tunnels near the edges so cars could keep driving normally.
quadruple note: that last note does my head in when I think about it.
Posted in comedy, driving, funny, humor, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged beach balls at inflated prices, doing my head in, humor, if the world was square, round boxes would never have fragile stickers on them, round cardboard boxes, square balloons
Mic: What do you think of my Moai?
Sara: I thought it would be bigger.
Mic: I hear that a lot.
Sara: What’s your friend’s name? … Mo?
Mic: It’s Art in fact.
The complete adventures of Sara n’ Mic: how did you get up there?, why are the gnomes outside?, why are we here?, what time is it?, the phone’s ringing, who’s winning? , what a great cast! , and what’s this game about? are still collecting dust.
Posted in art, comedy, funny, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, sculptures, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, words
Tagged art, Art ... the name not the artistic stuff, Artifacts, ceramic, Easter Island, humor, I thought it would be bigger, Moai, Sara n' Mic
I finally saw the “Enigma” in action!
It’s definitely not a bicycle tire pump.
It’s … a water wheel!
The proud owners turn on their garden hose which magically produces water that flows over the “Enigma” and makes it revolve … and … that’s about it.
The water just goes down the drain after its amazing participation in this hydropower show of force.
note: I want one! I don’t think I use my drains enough.
double note: I figured out the local tourist attraction too! It’s a cave near a plum orchard. I asked a 10 year old kid and he sorted me out on this one.
triple note: I may think up some pretty crap stuff, but at least I don’t physically make it. I feel somewhat better somehow now.
quadruple note: I think “I Am The Cheese” still Mr. Davis … but I’m feeling especially cheesey today. hee hee!
quintuple note: Is a solved “enigma” an “unigma“?
Posted in art, comedy, funny, humor, Japan, life, living abroad, personal, random, random thoughts, science, stuff, technology, thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged 10 year old kids are smarty pants cause they can read stuff, being sorted out, building crap stuff is very difficult, drains grate on me, Enigma, forcing water to do stuff against its will, garden hosing, Hi! Dropower. How are you today?, humor, hydropower is centrifical, I wish I had some centrifical forcefields or something, local tourist attractions, magically produced water, over to the lefical forces are silly, revolving after evolving, water wheels, waterpowered bicycle pumps
Mountain Climbing and Fishing are almost the same.
When a person has to cut the line … a life is saved and someone is usually not very happy.
note: sometimes the line has to be cut with yoyos and kites, but it’s usually not so dramatic or very life threatening.
double note: Mountain Climbing Rule #1: don’t go climbing with people carrying knives.
triple note: How many climbers actually have to make that rope cutting decision? It seems to happen all the time in the movies … kind of like someone always saving the planet by driving an adrift space nuclear arsenal or a rogue meteor away from Earth.
quadruple note: I’m definitely not going climbing with Chris O’Donnell … or watching another one of his movies.
quintuple note: Ever since “Vertical Limit“, I’ve been waiting for “Diagonal Limit” and “Horizontal Limit” to come out!
Posted in comedy, funny, health, hobbies, humor, life, movies, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged Chris O'Donnell, climbing movies, cutting strings, cutting the rope in mountain climbing, Diagonal Limit will not be so good, don't trust mountain climbers with knives, drama queens, fishing, Horizontal Limit will be pretty tame, how many times has bruce willis or sylvester stallone saved the world?, humor, kites, mountain climbers with spoons or forks are okay, mountain climbing, narrow escapes for fish, rogue meteors, similarities, space movies, Vertical Limit, yoyos
My life is very constipated … or like some other word that sounds like that … or similar … or almost the same but different … or very close to that one but with a different meaning.
note: being constipated requires constant patience … that’s why it’s called “constipatience“.
double note: the above drawing is an advertisement from one of those fake newspapers they sell in cowboy tourist traps: mine said “Ross Janes: Wanted Dead or Alive, but Mostly Dead“. The newspaper is long gone, but I’ve kept this stupid drawing for 36 years or so. I don’t know why.
triple note: With the help of my knowledgeable friend Kelly Pettit , I am now the owner of a printer/scanner/photo making thingey. I scanned this drawing by myself and everything!
quadruple note: Yes, I know the little guy in the drawing probably has diarrhea, but … diarrhea is toilet humor while constipation is technically not toilet humor.
Posted in comedy, funny, health, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, words
Tagged constipated, constipatience is a virtue, constipational hazard, diarrhea, fake newspapers with fake headlines, humor, kelly pettit, not toilet humor, photo making thingeys, possibly Carson City, printers, scanners, words that sound similar but maybe don't mean the same thing
Do “Golf Courses” in the desert have grass traps?
note: There should be a sand trap in every sport just to make things more interesting. (except beach volleyball and the long jump: they should have gravel/asphalt traps)
double note: Golfers must not like nature: trees, sand, ponds, … are all classified as hazards!
triple note: sand trapdoors are easily detected.
quadruple note: The “Sand Trapp Family” are alive and well crossing mountains, singing, and stuff.
Posted in comedy, funny, games, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, sports, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged asphalt voices are silly, be quiet! I'm having a stroke!, beach volleyball, deserts, desserts have pudding traps, golf, golf course haphazards are not planned very well, golfers against nature, golfers have a lot of strokes, gravel, gravelly voices are rocky, humor, long jump, sand traps, trees sand ponds are all bad news
“Wednesday” and “February” require thinking.
note: language has suffered since the demise of the Phonetians.
double note: There is a superfluous “s” on my name!
Get it off! Get it off!
triple note: I have no great pictures of Wednesdays or Februarys, so here is my “Ugly Doll“. Jeero supposedly has no answers … he just wants to hang out on the couch and eat snacks with you.
Posted in comedy, funny, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, words
Tagged February, humor, Jeero, Phonetians and other simple spellers, superfluousocity is everywhere and stuff ... it's on stuff even!, Ugly Dolls, Wednesday
My friend wants to have a baby; but after her and her husband were tested, the doctor broke the bad news that … they couldn’t have any uncles for their future child on their own.
Something to do with genetics or something.
So … I’ve been asked to be a “surrogate uncle” to their prospective child.
It shouldn’t be too difficult.
I’ll just do all the things I did before and after my nieces and nephews were born.
During the pregnancy:
1) tell the expectant mother she’s as big as a house.
2) mention repeatedly that “Ross” is a very fine name for a boy or girl.
1) ignore or feign indifference about the arrival of boy or girl baby.
2) refrain from visiting them.
1) accept e-mails with news about baby’s sleep habits, night time awakenings, cuteness, partial first word … maybe, ability to roll over, and all that walking, potty training, teething stuff.
2) accept photos of said baby.
3) be scarce for most birthdays.
4) open wallet when cornered on surprise birthdays. (surprise for me)
5) acknowledge that they are my niece or nephew.
6) put them in my Will.
I’m nice like this.
note: I have 13 nieces and nephew and 2 great nieces and nephews, so a surrogate niece or nephew shouldn’t be too much of a stretch.
double note: I made up the friend having a baby because I just liked the idea of a “surrogate uncle“.
triple note: Can you have a “Won’t” saying who’s not getting anything when you die?
Posted in comedy, family, friends, funny, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, words
Tagged being scarce, feigning indifference is an artform, genetically challenged, humor, last wills and testaments: hey! I've got a testament ... just like a bible, My Will, My Will is really called Billy!, Ross is a very fine name for boys and girls, surrogate uncle, visit refraining
Being the fastest speedwalker in the world is a big accomplishment.
It’s probably comparable to conquering the highest hill in the world!
note: I’m going to try out for the National “Speed Limping” team.
double note: Is the “standing broad jump” still around?
I was pretty good at that in my prime …ary school days.
triple note: the highest hill in the world is Cavanal Hill in Poteau, Oklahoma U.S.A. (according to wikipedia) registering in at 1,999 feet. I don’t think they really measured all the hills in the world though.
quadruple note: I’d mention the reigning world champion speedwalker, but really who cares that much. So … here is Bill Nye the Science Guy as “Speed Walker”
Posted in comedy, contests, friends, funny, humor, life, Olympics, personal, random, random thoughts, sports, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged Almost Live, big accomplishments, Bill Nye, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Cavanal Hill, highest hill in the world, humor, Kart Racing: I'm the fastest person who can go 60km per hour!, Oklahoma! it's more than just a musical!, Poteau Oklahoma, Speed limper disqualified for shuffling, speed limping, speed walking, speedwalkers, standing broad jump
I’d rather sweat in a wetsuit than wet in a sweatsuit;
… but that’s just me.
note: I don’t think you’re suppose to pee in wetsuits, drysuits, sweatsuits, or business suits.
… but once you’ve bought it, I don’t think anyone is going to stop you.
double note: I’m not really a diver: it was just an introductory dive in about 2 meters of water. The madman on the left is Diego from Argentina. If you go to Argentina just ask for Diego, you’ll find him.
triple note: man! I haven’t looked like that for 2 and a half years (sad face): I guess work doesn’t suit me either.
Posted in comedy, funny, hobbies, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, words
Tagged business suits, Diego from Argentina, drysuits, humor, isn't a "scuba" a Yugoslavian jeep?, it's not a diaper ... baby!, it's not really skindiving is it?, law suits, Morro de Sao Paulo, sweatsuits, wetsuits