Circular and Squarular

 

Why aren’t there any round cardboard boxes?

I had to make one myself  before I could wrap up the beach ball I bought for my friend’s birthday.

 

note: I guess I should have inflated the beach ball.

double note: square balloons would be cool too!

triple note: if the world was square, I bet there would be tunnels near the edges so cars could keep driving normally.

quadruple note: that last note does my head in when I think about it.

 

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Sara n’ Mic (what’s your friend’s name?)

 

Mic: What do you think of my Moai?

Sara: I thought it would be bigger.

Mic: I hear that a lot.

——————————————–

Sara: What’s your friend’s name?  … Mo?

Mic: It’s Art in fact.

 

The complete adventures of Sara n’ Mic: how did you get up there?,  why are the gnomes outside?, why are we here?, what time is it?, the phone’s ringing,  who’s winning?  ,  what a great cast! , and what’s this game about?  are still collecting dust.

 

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Formerly An Enigma

 

 

I finally saw the “Enigma” in action!

It’s definitely not a bicycle tire pump.

It’s  …  a water wheel!

The proud owners turn on their garden hose which magically produces water that flows over the “Enigma” and makes it revolve … and … that’s about it.

The water just goes down the drain after its amazing participation in this hydropower show of force.

 

note: I want one! I don’t think I use my drains enough.

double note: I figured out the local tourist attraction too! It’s a cave near a plum orchard. I asked a 10 year old kid and he sorted me out on this one.

 

triple note:  I may think up some pretty crap stuff, but at least I don’t physically make it. I feel somewhat better somehow now.

quadruple note: I think “I Am The Cheese” still Mr. Davis … but I’m feeling especially cheesey today. hee hee!

 quintuple note: Is a solved “enigma” an “unigma“?

 

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Similar Activities

 

Mountain Climbing and Fishing are almost the same.

When a person has to cut the line … a life is saved and someone is usually not very happy.

 

note: sometimes the line has to be cut with yoyos and kites, but it’s usually not so dramatic or very life threatening.

double note:  Mountain Climbing Rule #1: don’t go climbing with people carrying knives.

triple note: How many climbers actually have to make that rope cutting decision? It seems to happen all the time in the movies … kind of like someone always saving the planet by driving an adrift space nuclear arsenal or a rogue meteor away from Earth.

quadruple note: I’m definitely not going climbing with Chris O’Donnell … or watching another one of his movies.

quintuple note: Ever since “Vertical Limit“, I’ve been waiting for “Diagonal Limit” and “Horizontal Limit” to come out!

 

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My Life

 

 

 My life is very constipated … or like some other word that sounds like that … or similar … or almost the same but different … or very close to that one but with a different meaning.

 

note: being constipated requires constant patience … that’s why it’s called “constipatience“.

double note: the above drawing is an advertisement from one of those fake newspapers they sell in cowboy tourist traps: mine said “Ross Janes: Wanted Dead or Alive, but Mostly Dead“.  The newspaper is long gone, but I’ve kept this stupid drawing for 36 years or so. I don’t know why.

triple note: With the help of my knowledgeable friend Kelly Pettit , I am now the owner of a printer/scanner/photo making thingey. I scanned this drawing by myself and everything!

quadruple note: Yes, I know the little guy in the drawing probably has diarrhea, but … diarrhea is toilet humor while constipation is technically not toilet humor.

 

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Sand Traps

 

Do “Golf Courses” in the desert have grass traps?

 

note: There should be a sand trap in every sport just to make things more interesting. (except beach volleyball and the long jump: they should have gravel/asphalt traps)

double note: Golfers must not like nature: trees, sand, ponds, … are all classified as hazards!

triple note: sand trapdoors are easily detected.

quadruple note: The “Sand Trapp Family” are alive and well crossing mountains, singing, and stuff.

 

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Too Much Effort

 

“Wednesday” and “February” require thinking.

 

note: language has suffered since the demise of the Phonetians.

double note:  There is a superfluous “s” on my name!
                                Get it off! Get it off!

triple note: I have no great pictures of Wednesdays or Februarys, so here is my “Ugly Doll“.  Jeero supposedly has no answers … he just wants to hang out on the couch and eat snacks with you.

 

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A New Role

 

My friend wants to have a baby; but after her and her husband were tested, the doctor broke the bad news that … they couldn’t have any uncles for their future child on their own.
Something to do with genetics or something.

So … I’ve been asked to be a “surrogate uncle” to their prospective child.

It shouldn’t be too difficult.

I’ll just do all the things I did before and after my nieces and nephews were born.

During the pregnancy:
1) tell the expectant mother she’s as big as a house.
2) mention repeatedly that “Ross” is a very fine name for a boy or girl.

Post pregnancy:
1) ignore or feign indifference about the arrival of  boy or girl baby.
2) refrain from visiting them.

Later on:
1) accept e-mails with news about baby’s sleep habits, night time awakenings, cuteness, partial first word … maybe, ability to roll over, and all that walking, potty training, teething stuff.
2) accept photos of said baby.
3) be scarce for most birthdays.
4) open wallet when cornered on surprise birthdays. (surprise for me)
5) acknowledge that they are my niece or nephew.
6) put them in my  Will.

I’m nice like this.

 

note: I have 13 nieces and nephew and 2 great nieces and nephews, so a surrogate niece or nephew shouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

double note: I made up the friend having a baby because I just liked the idea of a “surrogate uncle“.

triple note: Can you have a “Won’t” saying who’s not getting anything when you die?

 

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Speed Walking

 

Being the fastest speedwalker in the world is a big accomplishment.

It’s probably comparable to conquering the highest hill in the world!

 

note: I’m going to try out for the National “Speed Limping” team.

double note: Is the “standing broad jump” still around?
                           I was pretty good at that in my prime …ary school days.

triple note: the highest hill in the world is Cavanal Hill in Poteau, Oklahoma U.S.A. (according to wikipedia) registering in at 1,999 feet. I don’t think they really measured all the hills in the world though.

quadruple note: I’d mention the reigning world champion speedwalker, but really who cares that much. So … here is Bill Nye the Science Guy as “Speed Walker”

 

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Moisture Doesn’t Suit Me

 

 

 

I’d rather sweat in a wetsuit than wet in a sweatsuit;

… but that’s just me.

 

note: I don’t think you’re suppose to pee in wetsuits, drysuits, sweatsuits, or business suits.
… but once you’ve bought it, I don’t think anyone is going to stop you.

double note: I’m not really a diver: it was just an introductory dive in about 2 meters of water. The madman on the left is Diego from Argentina. If you go to Argentina just ask for Diego, you’ll find him.

triple note: man! I haven’t looked like that for 2 and a half years (sad face): I guess work doesn’t suit me either.

 

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