Inferior Right Socks

 

 

“Right” socks are definitely not as durable as “left” socks because …

when I throw out socks with holes in them, all the ones remaining are “left”.

note: When behind a nice looking woman, I’d rather be “right behind” than “left behind“: sadly, usually I am “left right behind“.  … or is that a good thing?

 

Nerves

 

 

Nerve endings are easy to locate, but you need eyes in the back of your head to see “nerve beginnings”:

preferably looking down from inside your skull.

 

 

 

note: nerves get under my skin.

double note: I like my nerves like I like my sweet potatoes: buried deep.

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Sara n’ Mic (what’s this game about?)

 

Sara: I guess we’ll be going away for the holidays.

Mic: Boxing Day just seems to come earlier and earlier each year.

—————————————

Sara: What’s this game about?

Mic: I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to open it up and find out.

——————————————————-

 

 

Sara: What did you say?

Mic: I said, right hand red!!!

Sara: Screw Life! This is better!!!

Mic: Let’s play naked!!!

 

The complete adventures of Sara n’ Mic: why are the gnomes outside?, why are we here?, what time is it?, the phone’s ringing,  who’s winning?  , and  what a great cast! are still collecting dust.

 

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Wallowing

 

 

Why do people wallow in self-pity?

I guess jello is too expensive.

note: With enough time and jello I could rule the world!

double note: yellow jellow is just wobbly pee.

triple note: self-pity is an egocentrifical force.

quadruple note: I shouldn’t have posted this; it’s no good. I’m no good. Let’s break the bank for a big pile of jello!

http://humor-blogs.com/

Car Stickers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Japan, people who’ve reached the age of seniority, and new drivers, have to put stickers on their cars to warn other drivers to drive a little more cautiously around them.

What about all of us who aren’t eligible for a sticker? What a rip-off!

No sticker; no lollipop; no nothin’!

 

note: If you get your driver’s license after 60 years old, do you get both?

double note: I was going to cover my van’s bumper in those magnetic stickers, but rust isn’t very magnetic.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Fairy Tale Thugs

Juvenile criminal siblings Hansel and Gretel are still at large after escaping from the Black Forest Penitentiary while awaiting trial for the brutal slaying of local bakery shop owner Ima Twitch.

The brother and sister are also charged with destruction of property and theft.

When questioned in custody they maintained that their victim was a witch.

After an extensive manhunt, the police are no nearer to re-apprehending the suspects. The police spokesperson admits that the trail has gone stale.

 

note: poisoned bread crumbs are much better when leaving a trail, but that’s just bad. The return trip would be a death march of sorts.  

double note: They should have had GPS!   They are GPS: Grimm Psychopathic Shopkeeperkillers!

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Someone Else’s Shoes

“You don’t really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.”

 

A lot of people would be suffering from “self-inflicted asskickings” if they were in my shoes!

 

note: I don’t know what I’m trying to say. You will have to figure it out: it’s a Gordian Knot maybe, ……… or maybe not.

double note: I know it’s not a picture of a Gordian Knot; it’s a picture of one of those fancy down pipe things that looks decorative but doesn’t help too much when the big rains come. My back kind of knotted up when I took the picture, if that makes it any better. My name isn’t Gordon though, so probably it doesn’t. Sorry.

 

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What’s In My Head At The Moment

Here are a few ideas that are floating around in my head at the moment and might make it on to the blog in some form or another in the near future.

note: thanks to Prairie Flounder over at Sky Fishing  for doing a Wordle on his site,  prometheuscomic for giving me the idea of a sneak preview, and Kelly Pettit  who walked me through the process of “screen capture” over the telephone system with no wires.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

World Maps

.

Do “World Map” makers like it when countries change names; or are they happy just copying last year’s “World Map”?

If I was a country with nothing going for it, I’d change my name every year just to keep those map makers on their toes.  … and to give myself the illusion of power.

If I couldn’t change the world, at least I could change the world map!

 

note: If a country changed its name to something offensive, it would make geography classes more fun at school.

double note: If a country’s name doesn’t fit neatly inside the country’s space on the world map, then it’s too long.

New Zealand, Denmark, The United Kingdom, and most small island nations’ names are hanging out all over the place. Having a country’s name written over international waters is “map imperialism” in my books.

triple note: Either I need to buy a new map or something bad has happened to Ceylon, Rhodesia, Burma, and Upper Volta!

quadruple note:

 

 

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Track Lines #3

 

Me: I’ve got a freaky old lady name o’ Cocaine Katy who embroiders on my jeans.

Him: You’re on drugs!

Me: I’ve got my poor old gray-haired Daddy drivin’ my limousine.

Him: If you had any friends I’d suggest an “intervention”.

 

* great photo courtesy of nathaliewithanh.

*  great song and Rolling Stone magazine covers here.

* Track Lines #1 and #2 are still spinning.

 

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