Tag Archives: nathaliewithanh

The Blue Monkey #14

All Behold The Blue Monkey!

 

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime all people will be animated for their entire life … like The Simpsons; … and then they will be inanimate.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7
             The Blue Monkey #8
             The Blue Monkey #9
             The Blue Monkey #10
             The Blue Monkey #11
             The Blue Monkey #12
             The Blue Monkey #13

 

note: the drawing incredibly enhanced by nathaliewithanh.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Detouring Around

What does it do?    It amazes!   tah dah!

 

When I tell a story, it’s like being in a maze:

… after a while you don’t really care if you get to the end; you just want to get out … and do something more productive.

 

note: It’s like every story rolled into one … because it is every story rolled into one.

double note: usually my stories are like airline cutlery: pointless.

triple note: the stories have more twists and turns than “a colony of terns in a tornado“!

quadruple note: I’m much better when I write things down … just ask Kelly Pettit or Willy Badger or nathaliewithanh.

(I’ve found a few ears behind the couch in the past)

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Track Lines #5

special training

 

Me: I heat up. I can’t cool down.

Him: Have you tried drinking more water.

Me: My situation goes ’round and ’round.

Him: ahh! you caught me on this one!

 

great photo courtesy of nathaliewithanh.

*  great song here.  (but I seriously hated this one almost as much as “Silly Love Songs” and “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” at one time)

* Track Lines #1 and #2  and #3  and #4  are still spinning.

 

 

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Track Lines #4

 the ties that bind

 

 Me: I been to the edge and there I stood and looked down.

Him: Are you talking about your weight loss?

Me: I Ain’t talking ’bout love!

Him: Crap! Here we go again!

 

* great photo courtesy of nathaliewithanh.

*  great song here .

* Track Lines #1 and #2  and #3 are still spinning.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Doing Something Different, But Not Really

Accidents Happen When Bond Is Around! 

 

Lately I’ve been thinking about doing something artistic or creative for a change; maybe get that “single hair” tattoo in my armpit finally, or change my middle name to Edwardo. (now it’s just Edward)

Seeking inspiration, I asked myself, “What’s important in life?”

Clean air, ample food, fresh water, shelter, peace, love, and understanding are all very important; … but Al Gore and Elvis Costello seem to have all of those ones covered.

Then I thought, “What’s important to me?”

Stupid Stuff and Trivial Crap!” were the first things to pop in to my head. (not necessarily in that order)

I like that stuff! It’s what’s in my head and makes my eyeballs go wide!

T-shirts and coffee mugs are pretty trivial! I bet I could combine them stupidly and trivially somehow!

At first I thought “t-shirt coffee mugs” might be pretty creative.

bad idea #1

 

Then I thought “coffee mug t-shirts” might be very original.

bad idea #2

 

Finally. I decided to go mainstream with stuff people can actually wear or drink out of.

With a tremendous amount of help from nathaliewithanh (because I’m a lazy bastard) …

 I have now officially opened a little shop over at  Zazzle

 because there aren’t any online businesses called “Zezzle, Zizzle, Zozzle, Zuzzle, or Sometimes Zyzzle”.

 scandalously clad

 

Don’t worry, I’m not going to quit my day job:

… like I did when I tried doing a Karaoke World Tour
… or when I tried selling shoes that came in pairs of threes (just in case one wore out)
… or when I got sucked in to  promoting the Y3K protection packages.

 RED GUMBALLS!

 

I guess I am a merchant now like that guy in Venice.
I think things worked out well for him.

 

LL Cool J

 

I am a bit disappointed they don’t offer any “2 ounce commuter coffee mugs” for people who live really close to work, but I guess it’s not a perfect world.

 

Nevermind The T-Shirt!

 

And I’m still working on the “I’m with Che Guevara Hawaii ’09” line of t-shirts: I can’t decide which way the arrow should point.

 

If you’ve got time and are interested in seeing what all this amazing stuff looks like, click here

Let me know what you think: any suggestions, ideas for future stuff, or scathing comments would be greatly appreciated.

*Each product line is over in the right hand column with a subsection for men’s, women’s, children’s, mugs, and mousepads.
If you click around enough, every design can be put on most t-shirts, mugs, or mousepads.

 

note: I know I’ll be the first on my block spilling coffee from my planetross mug on to my planetross t-shirt.

double note: the above images were made with the Parody Motivator Generator with photoshopped celebrity photos by nathaliewithanh and captioned by me.

triple note: The drawings were done by me with my left hand … because my right hand doesn’t draw so good. They were made a million times better by nathaliewithanh ! If you haven’t looked back through “Children’s Stories” up in the header, you really should: just to see the fine cleaned up drawings.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

The Package

I was informed a few weeks ago that a package was on the way to the residence where I live a lot …  all of the time by Epicurienne.

Usually I get a slip from the post office telling me that they came by at the usual time when they knew that I wasn’t going to be here and I should bring 3 types of ID, preferably mine,  to the post office and sign my name several times just to make sure that I am who I am: there must be a few planetrosses in town living at the same address as myself that I am not aware of.

But … this time they actually slid the parcel through my mail slot!

The outer package was your basic airmail type pouch, so I was weary about it and opened it thoroughly using guns, knives, broken glass, and other kitchen utensils. I’d show a picture of it, but it has my address on it and I don’t want everyone sending me amazing gifts all the time.

suspicious packages must be opened promptly

The inner package contained the word “Monkey” so I knew this was for me.

possible back of inner package, but it could be a trick!

On the back were a lot of words that were pretty big; so I used bigger guns, bigger knives, bigger broken glasses, and other kitchen utensils and a few bathroom utensils to break in to this one.

very green envelope

There was an envelope just dripping with kryptonite inside, but  … I ain’t superman baby!
To: the Planet with an Attitude” was written on the outside. Hey! I’m not making this stuff up!
… and if I was, my big brother can beat up your big brother; so what ya gonna do about it … until you grow up and become a cop and arrest me on trumped up charges that my brother can’t get me off of because he became a responsible citizen instead of a lawyer.

like cows with guns but no catchy song

Anyway, the card inside must have cost a lot to have made with my name written on it professionally.

I’d show you the inside of the card, but you would just get all jealous because of all the nice stuff she says about me … like:

I wish you had a split personality so you would even be more personable than you already are.”

and

If someone threw all the comedians in the world into a big blender and mixed them up, you would still be way funnier than that!

and

I wish animals could read, so they could enjoy your blog too.

and

I bet you even eat, sleep, and look funny.

So now that I was in my Ego Booster Chair, I unwrapped the gift …

very cool book

 

A very cool book right up my dead end alley of reading!

March Hares and Monkeys’ Uncles” by Harry Oliver! (that’s the name on the book: I’m not making this stuff up!)

Thank you very much Epicurienne!

 

note: this was a “hare-y” present, but … check out nathaliewithanh‘s blog for the ultimate “Very Hairy Christmas Card“.

double note: Hey Dan Reynolds! ( great cartoonist) I finally figured out who drew the cartoon you commented on. His name is Eric Decetis. You two should talk about what came first:  the lost rabbit or the lost dog.

it's my picture this time ... of someone else's work.

 

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Track Lines #3

japadians_the_glorious_eighties12

 

Me: I’ve got a freaky old lady name o’ Cocaine Katy who embroiders on my jeans.

Him: You’re on drugs!

Me: I’ve got my poor old gray-haired Daddy drivin’ my limousine.

Him: If you had any friends I’d suggest an “intervention”.

 

* great photo courtesy of nathaliewithanh.

*  great song and Rolling Stone magazine covers here.

* Track Lines #1 and #2 are still spinning.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Road Trippin’

e_bunch_o_hippies11
The pump don’t work ’cause the vandals took the handles” Bob Dylan from “Subterranean Homesick Blues

 

Aren’t road trips great?

Driving off to parts unknown for a big adventure with a bunch of friends.

Anything could happen!

Whether just a couple of days, a few weeks, or longer; it’s almost like being in a Bob Dylan song, a Jack Kerouac book, or a Tom Green movie.

A road trip in any kind of vehicle is great; but for me, travelling in a van just adds another dimension to the greatness of a road trip.

Maybe it’s the nostalgia factor: all those hippies driving around having free love all over the place, blowing their minds at never ending giant outdoor rock festivals, and getting to be in that old Woodstock movie.

I guess hippies used vans for different reasons: they held a lot of people, were relatively cheap, and had a built in pad to crash in. 

Those hippies were a pretty practical bunch, but not very nostalgic.

 

note: should this van be called “Morrison“?

double note: Wavy Gravy is 72 years old.

SPECIAL NOTE: Amazing photo by nathaliewithanh.

post-post note: co-sky pilot and travelling minstrel Kelly Pettit.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Track Lines #2

japadians_the_glorious_eighties1

.

Me: I’m just mad about Saffron.

Him: You’re on drugs!

Me: Electric Banana is gonna be a sudden craze.

Him: Seriously, you need rehab or something.

 

* great photo courtesy of nathaliewithanh.

*  song an animation as well here.

* Track Lines #1

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

When I’m Not Blogging I Go To …

 Matsushima, Miyagi Prefecture Japan

Matsushima is a small town on the North East Coast of Japan. It is home to one of the “Three Views” in Japan. (more info about all Three Views here)

I left the computer reluctantly and drove for 6 hours with my friend Kelly Pettit  to Sendai, Miyagi. We arrived in late afternoon, found a hotel, and enjoyed being in a big city with lots of people for a change. After visiting an izakaya (restaurant/bar) and another watering hole, we called it a night.

In the morning we awoke to no water!! The hotel’s water supply had been cut off for reasons we never did discover. Not a good start to the day.

We drove the  40 minutes to Matsushima and took a 50 minute boat tour of the Bay. For the first 20 minutes the main attraction was the seagulls that followed the boat. The seagull food for sale looked very similar to processed potato snacks.

matshshima-061

 matshshima-056

After everyone got over being excited about the seagulls, the islands came fast and furious. There are about 260 little islands dotting the bay. I didn’t count them all, but there are probably enough to have a salad dressing named after them.

matshshima-077

All the islands have names. I can’t remember any of them, but I’m pretty sure none of them are called Ross or Kelly island.

matshshima-091

I thought this bay would be a good location for a Bond villain’s house or a high speed jetboat chase; but I think that about everywhere usually, so don’t get too excited. 
I also named all the seagulls: this one is Sammy. 

matshshima-103

Oysters are a big business here. There are hundreds of these things in the bay. Water skiing is frowned upon.

matshshima-113

Coming back in to the dock we saw our next destination: the small temple hall Godaido. 

matshshima-036

We crossed over 2 little bridges and navigated our way around the hundreds of people navigating around us. These temple posts were dressed up the same way as the stillborn/miscarriage Mizuko Jizo statues nathaliewithanh describes in more detail here accompanied by great photos of the usual Mizuko Jizo.

 matshshima-033

Like most temples and shrines, there are ornate carvings. I’d show more, but looking over my photos I’ve realized that I’m a bad photographer. Who knew? 

matshshima-037

After Godaido, we climbed up a few streets and got a better view of the area. We visited Fukuurajima in the background later in the day.

matshshima-041

We decided that we didn’t want to walk around all day with bad hair from not having showers in the morning, so we visited an onsen (hotbath). Sorry no photos. The above photo is not of an onsen, but of a man on a bicycle.

matshshima-120

Feeling clean and refreshed, we drove to a view point overlooking the town and bay.

matshshima-123

I rang the bell.

matshshima-117

I thought the bell’s hook thingy looked pretty cool.

 matshshima-030

Back in town we walked passed this pagoda on the way to Fukuurajima.

 matshshima-1501

Finally the sun came out and we crossed the 252 meter bridge to the nature reserve. There were a lot of good views of some islands from this island, a little temple, and 2 young women with a box of doughnuts that thought we were stalking them. (the 2 young women not the doughnuts)

matshshima-139

Down on a little beach Kelly took a bunch of cool photos of me looking cool, but he hasn’t given them to me yet. Did I say I looked very extremely cool in them? Because I did. I took this photo of an island looking a little cool. (me looking cool; not the island)

We eventually checked in to a little Japanese hotel, ate a big seafood dinner, wandered around the town at night, exclaimed repeatedly that it was a “swing a dead cat town at night” sort of place, and then tried to get in to a bit of trouble anyway with out too much success.

The next morning found us back on the highway heading home at tremendous speeds and happy that we had made the journey. 

 

note: One of the above photos is actually a photo of a poster. Can you guess which one?  I’m not sure what I will send the winner, but it will be amazing! If more than one person guesses the correct photo, I will give a prize to the first correct guesser, or draw a name out of a hat, or send an amazing prize to all people with the correct answer, or something along those lines.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/