Monthly Archives: August 2010

On The Lighter Side

 

If Earth’s gravity vanished instantly, I’d hope I was wearing my Superman costume … because how cool would that be?

Pretty cool, I kid you not!

 

note: I definitely wouldn’t want to be sitting on the toilet, swimming in the ocean, standing in a cemetary, or enjoying a once in a lifetime “zero gravity simulation” flight … because really … what a waste of money!

double note: I think holding a balloon would make me feel a bit better as I drifted into the atmosphere.

triple note: people committing suicide by jumping off of a building would probably be pissed off.

quadruple note: people in the middle of doing a ski jump, a pole vault, or a slamdunk would probably be happy … for a second.

quintuple note:  at least a rockclimber could probably climb back down … or live a few seconds longer than everyone else before they did an Arnold Schwarzenegger “Total Recall” eye bulge thing.

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Today #46

It felt like I was carrying around a sack of hammers today … but there was a sack of hammer fight, so I was prepared.

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Preyground Equipment

 

The trapping of success has alluded me thus far.

 

note: always send in a piece of bamboo, with a safety rope attached, to check the panda traps.

double note: I’m a bit worried about the time when all the animals have been trapped, shot, and stuffed. What will the hunters hunt? … mmm.

triple note: I was trapped with the “What are you thinking about?” question … but I escaped intactless.

quadruple note: answering “What are you thinking about?” with “I’m thinking about what to name our 10th child.” could go either way.

quintuple note: low-tech trappers, puppeteers, and people with really small tight bathing suits are always pulling strings.

sextuple note:

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Today #45

Today was the last day of my former life.

I’m An Ass … Ass … In!

 

I guess you have to be Spanish to be a bandito;

… maybe I’ll try to be a ninja instead.

 

note: do I have to be Spanish to eat Cheetos? … or Freeto-lays … or Doritos?
I never knew so many potato chips were Spanish!

double note: there is probably a generation of people who associate ninjas with turtles for some reason.

triple note: stereotypes are those people with good stereos right?

quadruple note: putting an “o” at the end of the word makes me bilingual right?  I’m sure those banana benders are just called “Speed” in English speaking countries. … I could be wrong; I usually am.

quintuple note: I’d make a good Jackassassin.

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Today #44

Today I realized that Meatloaf has been an important person in my life. I can’t say that for most foods.

Today’s note: I don’t know Meatloaf‘s real name, but he doesn’t know that my stage name is The Apple Sauce Boss … so I guess we are even.

Landmarked Up

 

I’m glad there are landmarks:

… if there weren’t, I wouldn’t know what cities were being destroyed in all those disaster movies.

 

note: In the event a of catastrophic human extinction type natural disaster, I’m going to Disneyland … because it never gets wiped out in those disaster movies.
… probably there wouldn’t be any line-ups either.

double note: are there any seamarks?

triple note: Dr. Mori is a landmark of sorts for people driving by the city where I live. I still don’t know what the hell he is selling!

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Today #43

Today left me scratching my head … or maybe the student with headlice did.

Combiwords

 

Combining words has worked in the past:

spoon + fork = spork
breakfast + lunch = brunch
calves + ankles = cankles

I hope it’s a long fummer or autummer or sautumn or sall … because I just bought a bunch of new t-shirts.

 

note: I vote for “fummer“.

double note: I could live very happily with more fans and less heaters.

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Today #42

Today rolled by like a drive-by.

I’m Keybored

 

If I could be any type of wood, I’d want to be driftwood.

 

note: the drift tree forests are very illusive … so are the ply tree forests for some reason.

double note: if I could invent something, that would be original.

triple note: flashers are in show business.

quadruple note: for every action there is an equal and opposite  inaction … or something like that.

quintuple note: if I had an identical twin, I’d probably go to the gym more.

sextuple note: I’m wasting away: … renewable resources and time seem to be in the lead.

septuple note: with enough soap … I could probably disappear.

octuple note: apologies again for not commenting on comments … and not visiting your blogs with the formerly usual intensity … but it’s summer and things are happening happeningly … or something like that.
I’ll get back into the thing of swings again.

nuntuple note: what type of trees do they make key boards from?

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Today #41

The sun came out today! … that Annie is a liar.

Impeoplenating

 

Pre-Optical Illusions usually involve a man dressed as a woman.

 

note: imitations have their limitations … except for the “l“.

double note: I thought I was in a different country … it was a very good impersonation.

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Today #40

Today I dreamed of electric pajamas. … hey! I can’t be responsible for my dreams!

Fersonality And Peatures

 

I wish I was a bit fatter, balder, and in a bitter mood most of the time.

oh!

… and had SpellCheck.

 

note: no matter what those caricature people do, they can’t make me look funny for some reason.

double note: I bet SpellCheck is only classified as a word that is spelt correctly, if you use SpellCheck.

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Today #39

Today unfolded like a stiletto knife.

Tale Of A Nose

 

If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.

… unless it involves pulling out a nose hair

… because that shit hurts.

 

note: very cool stuff by Kazu Harada/automatamaker here: http://nizo.jp/gallery_e.htm

I saw his stuff at the Matsumoto Craft Fair at the end of May. Very cool!

 double note: Kazu Harada’s very short youtube videos here:
(if you like cool handmade crank stuff)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNBgM6sKcPU

triple note: I like this one the best … but I’m anal:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEN1FQq5xqg&feature=related

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Today #38

Today was all cone and very little ice cream.

Spare Parts And Healthy Hearts

 

I like my organs like I like my combustion engines

… internal.

 

note: I’m donating all my organs when I die … it’s kind of like cheating death … and if there is one thing I like doing, it’s cheating death.
… and maybe eating all the stuff the person beside me on the airplane doesn’t want at meal time.

double note: organ couriers must be very organized.

triple note: I don’t really know if I really like my combustion engines internal … I just made that stuff up.

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Today #37

Today I was a bit vincible.