Monthly Archives: January 2013

Too Lucky!

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I wish opportunities were opportwonities

… because I’m sure I’ve missed a lot of the first  ones.

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note: golden opportwonities would be pairfect! (groan)

double note: chance is circumstantial evidently.

triple note:  I think I’d like to be an iPhone game photographer if the teaching business doesn’t pan out.

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what I’m listening to now #6: my knuckles cracking.

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Practically Dreaming

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I dreamt …

I was falling … while bungee jumping.

I was running but not moving … on a treadmill.

I saw a unicorn … in a book.

I was flying … in an airplane … in economy class as usual.

I bought a lottery ticket … and lost.

All my teeth were falling out … but I was 6 in the dream.

I was standing stark naked … in my shower.

I stood by helplessly watching the world being destroyed … in a movie theatre with 3D glasses.

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note: I’d never dream about failing a test!

double note: I don’t have time to daydream, so I just hourdream.

triple note: I guess Eve should be there at the beginning of the world and at the end: Eve of Destruction … I think that’s what that song is talking about.

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what I’m listening to #5: The Tragically Hip.

Nearly Signs

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If you can’t read the writing on the wall,

… it’s probably graffiti.

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note: if you make a mistake while writing graffiti, that’s okay … no one will be the wiser.

double note: most American Graffiti reminds me of Ron Howard … for some reason.

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what I’m listening to now #4: my stomach rumbling.

Now There Is Snow … And Later There Will Be Slater … I Think That’s How It Works

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It snowed so much I had to unshovel my snow shovel … before snow shoveling.

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note: woo hoo! Snow Day!!! … ah crap it’s my regular day off.

double note: if the human body is about 60% water, does that mean Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire were 60% tap water.

triple note: this was in the morning … and this is what things looked like in the late afternoon.

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what I’m listening to now #3: my kerosene heater.

Breathing Through Life

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“Sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe”,

but sometimes “all I need is the air that you breathe”

… especially if I’m unconscious and poolside.

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note: I use other people’s air when filling up flat tires and buying balloons … but mostly I’m self-sufficient.

double note: inflation is the cornerstone of the balloon market!

triple note: to air is human.

quadruple note: if I have no air, does all my money just go to the Government?

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what I’m listening to now #2: The Talking Heads

Synapse Gap Gaping With Open Mouth

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I suffer from nomentumtarily sometimes:

it involves no momentum for short periods of times.

… I just have to do nothing until it passes.

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note: It could be mental or physical, but I’m pretty sure it’s not spiritual .. thank God!!!!
… I thank a lot of things that I’m not sure about like daylight savings, another tissue in the box, and exact change.

double note: I’m good intentionally … so I guess the road to hell isn’t paved with what I’m thinkingally.

triple note: I guess I”m saying I’m sporadic these days … without that mushroom stuff.

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what I’m listening to now #1: Johnny Cash and Joni Mitchell

Portraitor!

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A student drew a picture of me while waiting around for another student to show up for class.
She started with the hair, then drew a line … that I thought were eyebrows, and then she drew the eyebrows!!!

Kids are pretty observant.

The other kid showed up for class, so I don’t know if she observed my wrinkly shirt as well.

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note: kids are brutally honest … or honestly brutal.

double note: today’s word is “Shiwa” or wrinkles.

triple note: I don’t teach an art class.

Omnium-gatherum … It’s a Real Word!

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If I were omniscient, I’d know to throw a few “I guesses” into conversations so as not to sound like such a prick all of the time.

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note: I also wouldn’t have to look up to to see if it wasIf I were” or “If I was
… or maybe look up to see if it wereIf I were” or “If I was“.

double note: if I were omniscient, I’m sure I could figure out a way to become omnipotent and omnipresent as well, but until then I’ll just be omnivorous.

One Step Ahead … Sounds Like A Split Enz Song

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Don’t worry if someone is always one step ahead of you

… it just means you should arrive at the movie theatre  a bit earlier next time.

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note: some people who are a step ahead of me have longer staircases … or smaller steps maybe.

double note: people who live on one floor don’t stare well … or something like that.

triple note: yes, I do have an Asahi Super Dry Beer banner in my staircase. I consider it art because it hangs on the wall.

86400

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I don’t know if some days are better than others

… I don’t know how others spend their days.

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note: the problem with better days is that you never know which one is the best.

double note: actually I’m hoping my last day on this earth will be the best … kind of like the last day of summer vacation.

triple note: I’ve been alive for 17,547 days in a row so far … I’m hoping to break that record tomorrow!

quadruple note: how many days in a row have you been alive? You can check here.

quintuple note: 86400 seconds in a day … unless you go to a buffet … than I don’t know how many seconds you will have!