Wishing Wells, Well Wishings, and Well … Wishing

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A tunnel is just a really crappy hole.

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note: well diggers don’t screw up and make tunnels … that’s why they are called well diggers … because they are that good.

double note: I’m sure a tunnel digger digs well … metaphorically speaking.

triple note:

if you dig a deep enough hole, eventually it will turn into a tunnel … and there will be light at the end of it.
… but only if you go straight*.

*triple note note: … and it’s daytime.

quadruple note: to be fair … a hole is just a really crappy tunnel too.

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what I’m listening to now #56: Tom Waits “Way Down In The Hole“

Nothing In Particlecular … Or Let’s Get Physicscal

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When people ask me “What’s the matter?”

I usually reply,

… “I don’t know, but it has mass and occupies space.”

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note: sometimes I say “fecal“.

double note: everything is just a matter of time … unless it’s a matter of space.

triple note: when people space-out I usually give them a time-out.

quadruple note: “spacetime” makes me think of awkward questions that I don’t want to answer.

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what I’m listening to now #44: XTC “Making Plans for Nigel“.

Auditory Footimprinting

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They removed the carpet from the stairs at work: it was worn out and looked pretty bad.

For 10 years I trained my ears to know who exactly was coming down the stairs by the sound, gait, speed, and rhythm of their steps. 

Now, … I don’t know who is coming down the stairs!

I’m back to step one again.

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note: some people don’t like the bare look … they may start a carpetition!

double note: why aren’t marbles made of marble?

triple note: yes, I work in the basement. … on days when I feel low it’s a debasement.

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what I’m listening to now #7:  U2 … but only the good songs.

One Step Ahead … Sounds Like A Split Enz Song

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Don’t worry if someone is always one step ahead of you

… it just means you should arrive at the movie theatre  a bit earlier next time.

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note: some people who are a step ahead of me have longer staircases … or smaller steps maybe.

double note: people who live on one floor don’t stare well … or something like that.

triple note: yes, I do have an Asahi Super Dry Beer banner in my staircase. I consider it art because it hangs on the wall.

Window Silliness

 

If it’s a “window of opportunity”, shouldn’t opportunity tap
instead of knock?

 

note: recently all my windows of opportunity have been double-paned: I’m insulated against that stuff, I guess.

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Today #313

Today I told students that I threw a pen really hard into the air and it’s stuck into the moon now. They found that one easier to believe than the frisbee that I threw really hard and hit me in the back of the head an hour later.
(I can’t really lie on the spot … I shift around a bit when I tell them)

I Feel Tense

 

There should be a new verb tense called:
“Present Past Possibly Progressive”
to use when you don’t know if the action is over.

“What arewere you thinking?” … “I’mwas not quite sure.“

“Where is your girlfriend?” … “She iswas leaving me.“

… because sometimes you just can’t be too sure.

 

note: It was called “Present Continuous” when I went to school, but I guess that’s “Past Incontinuous” now.

double note: the photo was taken on the grounds of a little museum near to where I live. If the sun is shining, you can see a rainbow on the inside of the building. … I guess using a waterhose when the sun is shining isn’t artistic.

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Today #236

Today I sweat so much at the gym I’m pretty sure I was only 40% water when I left.

Bang Bang Bang … Let Me Out!

 

I never used to be a “working stiff” … I used to be an “unemployed stiff”

… or a child.

I know! It’s hard to tell looking at me now!

 

note: benders seem to start with someone bending my arm … and then they turn into more weavy and staggery affairs.

double note: if I didn’t have to work, I would probably fart around on the computer more, more or less … or moralless … or something like that.

triple note: for newcomers to the blog, this is what it says if you hover the cursor over the photo: “This is how I feel at work.”

quadruple note: I’m quite un-unemployable: it’s a curse.

quintuple note: somedays I know what The Tragically Hip were singing about in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-WBZMRFFkU&ob=av2e

sextuple note: I don’t feel too bad about going into work normally … or usually though.

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Today #234

Today my old lighter died, so I grabbed another one from my extensive back-up inventory. The new one is red: thanks for asking.

Left Not Right

 

You know those kids who never have their shoes on the right feet.

… I think one of them grew up and works at this stone monument place.

 

note: … unless they are hands from different stone people … or there is a big stone face looking at the hands. I could be wrong; I usually am.

double note: most people don’t like sitting on hands as a rule.

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Today # 223

Today I thought I better get back to blogging. 
Not blogging is like belonging to an anti-social network. Is there a “Get Out of My Facebook” out there? I bet a lot of people wouldn’t sign up to that!

Going Green

 

It’s the same rule for real estate agents as for chiropractors: “dislocation, dislocation, dislocation.”

 

note: I guess this coffee house doesn’t have to worry about painting … pruning maybe … but definitely not painting.

double note: “Pssst. Got any weeds?”

triple note: sure Starbucks says they are a Green company, but this place looks a lot Greener than them.

quadruple note: I’m going Gangrene, I think that will help the world.

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Today #217

Today was deleted.

Bond Villains

 

If I were a Bond Villain, I think I’d rent instead of buying;

… because Bond is just going to blow the stuff up anyway.

 

note: if James Bond had a middle name, it should be Avings. hee hee!

double note:

triple note: why isn’t the ultimate villain in a Bond movie ever a woman? … or a kid? … or Amish? … or Canadian?

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Today #193

Today I wrote a big fat blog about Bond Villains’ houses and stuff at work, and then thought of a one sentence blog that basically gets the same point across, on the drive home from work.
Sometimes I have to write things down to not use them.