Humanity Gritty

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I wonder what “arty souvenir evolution erasers” will look like in

400 million years.

… a bit longer I suppose

… and maybe more expensive.

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note: erasers don’t work for most of my mistakes.

double note: crocodiles and alligators are pretty lazy.

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what I’m listening to now #48: Fatboy Slim “Right Here, Right Now“.

Health

In 2011 I went for my first health check in about 15 years.
The results were okay, except my cholesterol was pretty high.

I wanted to do better on my 2012 health check, so for 3 weeks before the exam I cut out fast food/ramen/most meat/carbohydrates and gorged myself on vegetables/seaweed/fruit/tofu.

Mr. Pettit commented that I was trying to cheat the test.
I considered it cramming for the test … cramming vegetables/seaweed/fruit/tofu down my throat.

The results were a lot better than the previous year.

For the past 3 months I’ve continued to eat more healthily, been to the gym most days, and have avoided fast food and ramen.

I’ve lost about 5 kilograms, gained a bit of muscle, … and actually really like seaweed salads.

I hope this year in October when I go for the health check I can supersize the urine sample cup … and they give me a prize for best improved person.

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note: for the last 2 years my boss’s wife is the person who draws blood from me … I find that ironic for some reason.

Cemetary … Sedentary … Same Difference

 

My tomb’s tone would probably convey disappointment.

 

note: I’d say this was Gallo’s humour, but I don’t drink wine very often.

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Today #284

I wish I was at work already today, so I wouldn’t have to not look forward to it.

Universal Corn

 

Being a human is like eaten corn: we are both just passing through a system.

Hopefully humans look the same when they come out on the otherside … like corn does.

 

note: digestive system or solar system … it’s the same thing really.

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Today #268

Today I had my first health-check in 20 years. It went quite well, I thought.
I left some blood, stool, and urine; but they let me leave … and smiled a lot.

Bad Camouflage

 

CANCER STICK BUG!

 

note: insecticide is when insects take their own lives, right?

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Today #235

Today was all caffeine, nicotine, and latrine.

Improvision

 

I’m going to try and be a better person from now on

… maybe I’ll get a robotic eye or something.

 

note: gamblers are “better people“.

double note: I’ve been walking around in a malaise for the past week or so. I don’t know why; I haven’t been to Malaisyia for years.

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Today #227

Today a 9 year old girl gave me a 3 pack of beer.
Last year she gave me a bottle of wine.
Next year I’m kind of hoping for sake!

Cure

 

I’d be a good “curator”.

“The person died. This is not a good cure.”

 

note: “To preserve (meat, for example), as by salting, smoking, or aging.”
I’m curing myself right now! … through all 3 methods.

double note: the cure to driving straight is adding a “v”.

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Today #214

I was threatened all day today … by rain.
… but it was an empty threat.

Nits

 

I hate nitpickers!

… although technically they are lousepickers.

 

note:

 

double note: I wish I had nits … because I’ve always wanted to shave my head.

triple note: S. Le: the PollDaddy polls don’t show other people’s answers because:
“When you have the ‘Other’ option enabled in your poll, it allows your voters to enter an answer of their own. We don’t display these directly in the poll at the moment due to concerns around spam.”

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Today #206

The Stanley Cup was awarded today: it’s the post season now … or again.

The Circle Of Life

 

As a kid, I used to think about how great it would be to be an adult.

As an adult, I think about how great it would be to be a kid again.

I don’t know what really old people think about though,
… but I’m sure eventually I’ll think of something.

 

note: I don’t really want to be old … I want to be the oldest!

double note: if I get to be an old man, … I definitely won’t be yours.

triple note: if I get to be an old man, hopefully I’ll be a funny old man … but not in that way.

quadruple note: I bet Gary Oldman is ready for the eventual jokes.

quintuple note: sure a satellite dish is circular, but I’m not sure about the life that comes with it.

sextuple note: people with TV seem to be overly remotely concerned.

septuple note: “The grass is always greener … if you have green glasses”
(I don’t know why people choose those rosey ones)

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Today #174

I’m glad I’m not The Incredible Hulk today, because I wouldn’t have any Tuesday students left … that’s for sure.

Sometimes Advertising Works … Out

 

I think I’d enjoy RITMOStly … except for that guy.

 

note: this poster was outside the gym. All I know is that I’ve never seen anyone like the people in the poster at the gym … except for the guy.
I must go at the wrong time … or something.

double note: the only poster I might have a shot at is a wanted poster, but it’s a long shot.

triple note: I’m sure the people in the poster will be glad to have this poster 10 years from now … for posterity.

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Today #161

Today was a “wham bam thank you ma’am” sort of day … without the ma’am.