Human Soup

cult stuff

 

I’ve joined a cult!

It’s not a crazy one or anything.

It probably falls somewhere between dog breeding and bowling on the culto-meter, but there are no dogs or breeding or funny shoes involved.

The cult isn’t trying to destabilize the government or destroy the world. It’s working with the government to save the world. But … it’s all hush hush.

We are the first line of defense against alien invaders!

human soup bowl

Basically the members sit naked in outdoor hot spring fed pools up in the mountains as bait: waiting for the eventual invasion of aliens that I’m sure will happen sometime soon, but hopefully while I’m not there.

another human soup bowl

The master plan is to offer delicious human soup to alien invaders before they decide to go destroying all those important places where all the most important people are doing amazing things to make life better for all mankind: talk show audiences.

 I think they might blow up the White House and other crap too as secondary targets … or just for fun because they’ve watched all those crappy movies.

another human soup bowl

While the aliens are hovering over these pools, dipping their big spoons in to the human soup, and possibly arguing over whether to add crackers or not; great minds will be figuring out the most effective way to defeat the aliens.
I’m sure saltwater, yodelling music, and koala bears are high on the list of weapons to be tested.

  human soup compound with alien thing in front

 I usually fulfill my duty in one of the regional branch centers, but when I visited the main control compound … or Takaragawa Hotel and Onsen, as they prefer to be known because it’s very super top secret, I was very impressed.

There are a lot of interesting things that the average person probably passes off as memorabilia or antiques or something, but all the stuff has significance once you join the cult.

 possible alien artifacts

 These things ward off aliens … and prospective mating partners, if you pull them out and get excited about them.

 possible alien dinner bell

This bell sends an audible sound through something called “airwaves” to attract aliens to dine at the pool.

 possibly things aliens don't like

Supposedly aliens don’t like recycling, Curious George, clamps, drums, or teddy bears. It’s a well kept secret only told to the indoctrinated.

 possibly cool stuff behind this door

 I haven’t reached a high enough level in the cult to find out what secrets lie behind this door, … but … I was tall enough to stand on the rocks in front to see that there wasn’t much back there except a bit of garbage.

There is no brainwashing involved, only a bit of body washing before entering the pools.

And if by some horrible coincidence the aliens do drop by while I’m bathing, I’m sure I will be so relaxed and mellow that I won’t really care what happens to me.

 

note: don’t ask other cult members in the pools if they think the aliens will come today: that’s a no-no.

 

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13 responses to “Human Soup

  1. The photos are lovely but for the strange bears with the cut-out trousers. They freak me out a bit. Making soup from water used by bathers is gross at best. Don’t quit your day job. If there are no funny shoes or dogs involved, what good is it then?

  2. I don’t know what you guys are smoking or concocting or smokocting in your distant Japanese mountains, but if you think that aliens won’t mind hair in the soup, you could be sadly mistaken. Japan seems especially at risk. You know what I’m talking about…
    As far as blowing up the White House, this would have been welcome circa January 2001 to January 2009, but totally uncool at this juncture. You should have started with the soup way sooner. Furthermore, your aliens, after eating Japanese humans dissolved in soup and blowing up our Black President could have a little bit of an image problem… Between you, me, and the aliens, I think the Kremlin could use a bit of dynamite – or any of the 10 vacation residences for the President (I doubt Putin relinquished these to Medvedev)!
    The photographs are really nice. I especially like the first one!
    I agree with S. Le in regard to the bears. Totally high freakishness quotient!

  3. Oh, man. Another irrational bushwhacker who doesn’t understand the aliens.

  4. I take exception to that.

    First, I understand aliens really really well.

    Second, I’d bushwack a whole lot less if he had not been a President governing with one hand on a crucifix, and the other issuing signing statements… However the excellentissim blog of Sir Planetross may not be the most suitable place for a political debate.

  5. Is this cult coed??? No recycling, huh? Not a good sign! I do like a lot of the critters they do! But, do not be messing with a good bowl of soup!!! They could get crazy! Throw some sugar and spice into the mix! Happy bathing!! How many members did you say you have….1? LOL HaHaHa

  6. Sheww, for once my humdrum life will pay off. I’m glad I’m not doing amazing things and that I don’t fall into the “important people” category.

    AND it’s too bad all of those crappy movies made have backfired on “us”. (heehee)

  7. nathal–

    Regarding your first statement, well, I don’t doubt you and I’ll take you at your word.

    Your second statement ignores the fact that it is congress that controls domestic policy, not the President (excepting for his veto power …which can be overridden).

    HOWEVER I agree completely with your last statement.

    All in fun. –Bunk

  8. Is there a cat fight going on at planetross? Your blogs are now even MORE interesting!

  9. I would think that part of any good cult is an anonymous membership. That said, I would suggest that everyone call each other Stewart. Stew for short.
    -pf (Stewart)

  10. Oh dear … if the aliens have seen all the movies then the first thing they will do is take out Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum, and then we will all be doomed …

  11. BS, I’m afraid planetross might not condone a political debate taking place on his blog; I will therefore reply to you as a comment on your post about Friedman.

    All in fun. -Nathalie

    Sorry Kelly!

  12. Thanks for all the comments.

    Hey! who opened up a can of worms? It’s not fishing season yet! hee hee!

    This onsen (hotspring) is the best one I’ve ever been to: up in the mountains, largest open pools in Japan, co-ed … but women wrap up in towels, and only an hour or so away from my place.
    For a more better gooder informative explanation of Takaragawa Onsen check out nathaliewithanh‘s blog entry:
    http://nathaliewithanh.wordpress.com/2008/11/07/bathing-with-naked-men-woohoo/

    note: stew! hee hee!

    double note: the aliens shouldn’t forget to take out Randy Quaid too!

  13. Here we go, bro. Moved the polite discussion here:

    http://tackyraccoons.com/2009/02/28/saturday-matinee-pure-logic-brilliance/#comment-3760

    Bunk Strutts: no worries. It’s very interesting so far.

    The only thing I usually debait is fishhooks. hee hee!

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