People with pet gorillas must have to carry some pretty big plastic bags around in their pockets when they take them for walks.
note: I don’t have a pet dog … I carry other crap around in plastic bags.
double note: a Zoo is always a zoo … even when it’s not busy.
.
Today #180
I hope today turns out like a pocket … because they turn out quite well usually.
Posted in advertising, architecture, comedy, funny, humor, language, life, personal, pets, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, words
Tagged apes, apex, Cing Cong, dog poo, gorillas, humor, humour, King Kong, pet gorillas, plastic bags, turned out pockets, What a zoo!, zoos
This is the story of Theo when he was eight and not so rottenish yet.
Theo thought he needed a hobby; actually, his parents insisted he do something other than skulk around claiming he was bored all the time.
All his friends had hobbies: sports cards, stamps, coins, trainspotting, advanced robotics, …
One of his friends even collected teeth; but his father was a dentist, so that was only mildly disturbing.
Theo decided to collect his thoughts.
He would put them in jars, label them, and keep them in a bookcase that was really doing nothing except holding a bunch of books.
He thought about all the thoughts he thought in one day …or at least thought about all the thoughts he thought he thought about in one day … and realized he had too many thoughts to collect all of them.
He only had 35 jars, so he decided “happy thoughts” might be a good start.
Over the next few weeks he collected and organized all his “happy thoughts” about finding money, ice cream, toys, running through sprinklers, …
In no time at all, all his jars were full!
Surprisingly, 3 jars were exclusively filled with “happy thoughts” about ice cream!
It was a very fine collection of thoughts.
He soon realized that since all his “happy thoughts” were bottled up, labelled, and stacked away; he had a very large number of “sad thoughts” floating around in his head.
With no “happy thoughts” to chase the “sad thoughts” away, they just lingered.
This made him sadder.
Theo decided it would be a good idea to free all his “happy thoughts” and start collecting his “sad thoughts” instead.
He refilled his jars with “sad thoughts” about broken bones, no dessert, vaccination needles, dropped ice cream cones, dentist visits …
It took him a whole month to fill up all 35 jars.
He concluded that “sad thoughts” were more difficult to trap than “happy thoughts” because they didn’t like jars.
With no more “sad thoughts” in his head, Theo thought he’d be really happy: but he wasn’t.
Without any “sad thoughts” to balance his “happy thoughts“, his “happy thoughts” weren’t as strong or happy anymore … kind of like appreciating being healthy a lot more after being sick … or how a cold Winter makes Spring’s arrival so much better. He needed both sadly, or happily.
Theo decided to release his “sad thoughts” and resolved never to collect his thoughts ever again.
He used the 35 jars to catch colds instead.
note: The jar of asparaguses on the floor is not a “sad thought“: Theo just dropped it accidentally on purpose while walking by the bookcase on the way to the dinner table. He had a “happy thought” right after he did this for some reason.
Posted in comedy, fiction, funny, hobbies, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, words
Tagged 35 Jars, accidents, advanced robotics, ants, asparagus, balloons, being a poor sport, bicycle crashes, birthday cards with no money, birthdays, boxes toys come in, broken arms and legs, broken shoelaces, bullies, cake, chicken pox, children's stories, chocolate, Christmas, coins, collecting teeth, collecting thoughts, comic books, Dad, dead batteries, dentist visits, dentists, dinosaurs, dropped ice cream cones, dropping stuff, fighting with friends, flat soft drinks, flat tires, found money, getting picked last for teams, getting pushed by bullies, global warming, grown up teeth, hamburgers, hand stands, happy thoughts, Herbie the LoveBug, hobbies, hotdogs, humor, ice cream, Judi Dench, kites, kites with no wind, leaning on stuff, licking beaters, losing games, macaroni and cheese, measles, missing game pieces, Mom, Mom and Dad, mumps, no cable tv, no cookies in the lunchbox, no dessert, no milk for my coffee, no seesaw partners, no Valentines cards, no wind, not tall enough to ride the rollercoaster, organizing thoughts, paddling pools, pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse, pillow fighting, popped balloons, pouring juice by myself, rainbows, rainy weekends, restaurant food that comes in a pirate ship, riding bicycles, rockets, running through sprinklers, runny eggs, sad thoughts, scraped knees and elbows, socks for Christmas, Sponge Bob, sports cards, stamps, summer vacation, Theo's Thoughts, toys, trainspotting, unicorns, vaccinations, worms, wrong colored gumballs, wrong handed baseball gloves, yoyos, zoos
Zoos make me sad.
I like seeing the animals; but after looking through plexiglass, bars, and fences for a while, I start feeling like I’m visiting a prison.
If the animals had actually been convicted of something, I’d feel better.
“In the next case is the chameleon convicted of identity theft”.
“The enclosure to your right holds the great panda serving life for armed robbery”.
“These spider monkeys were part of a Breaking and Entering syndicate that took police 6 months to solve”.
The gorillas are usually so locked up they seem like the 3 time losers of the animal kingdom.
If zoos are prisons, then safari parks must be minimum security facilities for white collar criminals.
Petting zoos resemble half-way houses; the animals seem to have a small chance of returning to normal society.
If I was a different animal than I am now, I’d want to be a blue whale; because they ain’t sticking me in no zoo!
And if they actually made something that could hold me, it’s going to cost someone a hell of a lot of money.
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