Similar Activities

 

Mountain Climbing and Fishing are almost the same.

When a person has to cut the line … a life is saved and someone is usually not very happy.

 

note: sometimes the line has to be cut with yoyos and kites, but it’s usually not so dramatic or very life threatening.

double note:  Mountain Climbing Rule #1: don’t go climbing with people carrying knives.

triple note: How many climbers actually have to make that rope cutting decision? It seems to happen all the time in the movies … kind of like someone always saving the planet by driving an adrift space nuclear arsenal or a rogue meteor away from Earth.

quadruple note: I’m definitely not going climbing with Chris O’Donnell … or watching another one of his movies.

quintuple note: Ever since “Vertical Limit“, I’ve been waiting for “Diagonal Limit” and “Horizontal Limit” to come out!

 

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Theo’s Thoughts

 

 This is the story of Theo when he was eight and not so rottenish yet.

Theo thought he needed a hobby; actually, his parents insisted he do something other than skulk around claiming he was bored all the time.

All his friends had hobbies: sports cards, stamps, coins, trainspotting, advanced robotics, …

One of his friends even collected teeth; but his father was a dentist, so that was only mildly disturbing.

Theo decided to collect his thoughts.

He would put them in jars, label them, and keep them in a bookcase that was really doing nothing except holding a bunch of  books.

He thought about all the thoughts he thought in one day …or at least thought about all the thoughts he thought he thought about in one day … and realized he had too many thoughts to collect all of them.
 He only had 35 jars, so he decided “happy thoughts” might be a good start.

Over the next few weeks he collected and organized all his “happy thoughts” about finding money, ice cream, toys, running through sprinklers, …

In no time at all, all his jars were full!
Surprisingly, 3 jars were exclusively filled with “happy thoughts” about ice cream!

It was a very fine collection of thoughts.

He soon realized that since all his “happy thoughts” were bottled up, labelled, and stacked away; he had a very large number of “sad thoughts” floating around in his head.
With no “happy thoughts” to chase the “sad thoughts” away, they just lingered.

This made him sadder.

Theo decided it would be a good idea to free all his “happy thoughts” and start collecting his “sad thoughts” instead.

He refilled his jars with “sad thoughts” about broken bones, no dessert, vaccination needles, dropped ice cream cones, dentist visits …

 

It took him a whole month to fill up all 35 jars. 

He concluded that “sad thoughts” were more difficult to trap  than “happy thoughts” because they didn’t like jars.

With no more “sad thoughts” in his head, Theo thought he’d be really happy: but he wasn’t.

Without any “sad thoughts” to balance his “happy thoughts“, his “happy thoughts” weren’t as strong or happy anymore …  kind of like appreciating being healthy a lot more after being sick … or how a cold Winter makes Spring’s arrival so much better. He needed both sadly, or happily.

Theo decided to release his “sad thoughts” and resolved  never to collect his thoughts ever again.

He used the 35 jars to catch colds instead.

 

note: The jar of asparaguses on the floor is not a “sad thought“: Theo just dropped it accidentally on purpose while walking by the bookcase on the way to the dinner table. He had a “happy thought” right after he did this for some reason.

 

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Sammy’s Stucky Situation: The Bindlings

Part One of “Sammy’s Stucky Situation” here.

 

“Do you know why bulk candy is cheaper than other candy?” asked the supermarket manager.

“Because it doesn’t come in a shiny box, have a cool name or a massive ad campaign hyping it“, answered Sammy.

“No, those aren’t the reasons“, the manager said seriously.

After a deep breath the manager explained the truth.

“Bulk bin candy isn’t tested as well for Bindlings as other candy.
Bindlings are little tiny animals that attach themselves to sugar beans and cocoa cane. They are like parasites, but are never found in pairs. I guess they are singlecites or half-parasites or something. Not much is really known about them.

Big candy companies spend a lot of money screening their products for Bindlings: bulk companies don’t.

Undetected, Bindlings grow from teeny tiny no-see-um size to ping pong ball size and live at the bottom of bulk candy bins. Most people, when they see them, just think they are clumps of melted candy or chocolate and just leave them behind.

They are relatively harmless to adults, but very dangerous to children. Bindlings are phalangeaters and digit nibblers; they like fingers … children’s fingers!

They especially like nailbiters’ fingers, pinky promisers’ fingers, nosepickers’ fingers, yoyo yoers’ fingers, fingersnappers’ fingers, playstationers’ fingers, coinslot checkers’ fingers, icing lickers’ fingers, gumball grabbers’ fingers, and cookies in milk dunkers’ fingers.

They don’t like thumb suckers’ fingers for some reason, but they really like the thumbs!

Usually they only get a bit of a finger, but once in a while a child who’s sticking a hand into the bulk bins gets a whole bum scratching finger bitten off. And bum scratching fingers take a mighty long time to grow back, I assure you.” he finished.

“Would you like to hear another story about where the cereal box toys really come from?” continued the manager.

At that moment, the next town’s firemen tapped on the store’s window and the sound made both Sammy and the supermarket manager jump.

The firemen eventually freed Sammy from the cart with a lot of shaking and a bit of hair pulling, and without the use of their extensive Life equipment, much to their disappointment.

Sammy never stuck his hands in the bulk bin candy bins ever again and was a bit leery about cereal box prizes for a while. However, he still took the odd grape or two when no one was looking.

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Harvey’s Hands

 

 

This is the story of Harvey before he turned nine years old and became a little rottenish.

Harvey was born a usual baby boy in the usual way: kicking and screaming.

He was a joy to his parents and ate all his baby food gloop which most people find unenjoyable when they become a bit older and more experienced.

He did well keeping his parents employed changing diapers, and eventually became bigger like most babies regrettably do. At the time most toddlers are grabbing cat tails and other important things, Harvey never grabbed, pawed, spindled, folded, crushed, or childhandled anything.

His parents worried about his uninquisitiveness and took him to the “Hospital for Children Who Don’t Really Look or Act Sick, But Worry Their Parents for Some Reason Anyway“.

After several tests by professional doctors with more degrees than thermometers and triangles put together, the cause of Harvey’s unchildlike behaviour was discovered: he was handednessless.
He was not right-handed, left-handed, or ambidextrous.
He was equally not strong with both hands and therefore couldn’t decide which hand to use to grab things; so, he didn’t grab anything at all.

This wasn’t a seriously terrible thing.
As Harvey grew, his handednessless made teethbrushing, haircombing, and button buttoning a little more difficult; but children don’t usually do those things exceptionally well anyway, so it wasn’t very noticeable.

The big problem came when he entered school.
 He learned to print badly with both hands. He never mastered the simplest of musical instruments and was eventually downgraded to playing a tambourine with out any jinglely things on it. However, the worst thing was always being picked last for games involving hands. His classmates also worried about his feet and never asked him to join in any games of hopscotch, kick the can, or hacky sack.

Harvey stayed away from marbles, yoyos, thumb wrestling, and hand puppets as well.

Harvey felt left out, right out, and ambidextroused out.

Velcro was his only friend.

 

Until … the day his class played a new game: Hide and Seek.

Harvey thought it was going to be another disappointment, but he gave it a try anyway.

He hid and was not discovered. Only after he had gotten a little hungry, a lot bored, and had certainly missed music class did he become unhidden.

The next day he was voted “it“.
Although he had very little hand coordination, his eye coordination was extremely well developed and he found everyone, who wished not to be found, very quickly.

Harvey was so good at Hide and Seek, he was recruited for the National Hide and Seek Team and even had his picture on the front page of the local newspaper on a not so busy day for news.

 

 

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The Blue Monkey #8

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime  “yoyo-kites” will become a popular hobby sport.

However, many people will suffer fatal injuries performing “Rock the Baby“.

 

note:

The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4
             The Blue Monkey #5
             The Blue Monkey #6
             The Blue Monkey #7

 

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