That’s Just Growth!

 

I grew 2 feet in less than a year!

It’s not that amazing really:

most people did … along with the rest of their body.

 

note: if your name is “Tallest” it could get confusing when someone is looking for the tallest person.

double note: sometimes I’m the shortest person around, but it only happens when other people are wearing pants … and I’m wearing shorts … or have no money.

triple note: I still have 7 weeks before regular programming will continue. This is just a hiccup … or some other cup.

quadruple note: yes, I’ve used a different photo of this before, but I took another photo of it … so it’s all good.

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Today #375

Today didn’t smell like mustard enough.

Literature

 

I guess pamphlets picked off the ground and read are … 
 litterature.

 

note: litter makes me sick … I suffer from illitteracy probably.

double note: I only have a few books left to read. I’m going to start literationing.

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Today #367

Today I tried to explain Tommy the Pinball Wizard to a 10 year old. It ended up being a conversation on The Generation Gap.

Half

 

If I’m half in the sack, I’m usually just sleeping funny
… and not crawling into bed with anyone.

 

note: where I grew up, a “half-sack” was a “six pack of beer“: twelve beer was a case.
I never made a case out of the half-sack business though. I wasn’t a lawyer .. or Jesus with those loaves … or that annoying character from the Charles Dickens‘ book that does specials on TV about disappearing the Statue of Liberty … or anything.

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Today #274

Today I discovered that Today #274 was incorrect, so now it’s correct … except for the first part being incorrect anymore.

Birthmarks

 

Your belly button is really an afterbirthmark.

 

note: a belly button is a navelty of sorts.

double note: why do people put so many belly buttons on snowmen?

triple note: people born without any birthmarks must get marked up later I guess.

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Today #6

Today was like watching paint not dry.

Money Making Scheme #17

 

I’m going to sell mints called “Mo’ Mints“.

They will just be regular mints; but a slick ad campaign should be able to make them crazy popular.

 

POSSIBLE CATCH PHRASES:

“Make the Mo’ Mints last forever … don’t share them with anyone … and buy bulk.”

“I’ll do that … only for a Mo’ Mint.”

“Your father will be home Mo’ Mintarily… we better eat without him.”

“He went crazy for a Mo’ Mint.”

“I’ll do anything for a Mo’ Mint.”

“It was over in a Mo’ Mint.”
” That’s a long time!”

“It only took a Mo’ Mint for my son to do his homework.”

 

 If I can work it out with those heartburn people maybe there will be Mo’ MinTums!

 

note: oooo aaaah Precious Mo’ Mints video by The Three Degrees.

double note: I’m sure the premiere of this product will be a Mo’ Mintus occasion.

triple note: I only used 3 different brown pencil crayons to color those boxes. For the bottom one I just pushed down harder to achieve a different shade of brown. I wonder if other people know that you can do that?

quadruple note: Bono must be really super small to get “Stuck in a Mo’ Mint” … they are just regular sized mints. I’m sure the TV commercial people could make a giant one for him to get stuck in though.

quintuple note:  Money Making Scheme  #1 and #2 and #3 and #4 and #5 and #6 and #7  and #8  and #9  and #10  and #11  and# 12  and# 13 and #14  and #15  and #16  are still scheming.

sextuple note: I bet you thought I forgot about these Money Making Scheme things… or I forgot you thought about these … or something like that.

septuple note: on further research I find that there already are Momints. I’m sure Michael J. Fox read this blog and then went back to 2003 and usurped this great idea from me. I’m bummed out now and am feeling like I’m eating day old food … which isn’t bad as long as it’s been refrigerated properly.

octuple note: originality requires worms or birds or something.

nontuple note: being the first to be second is still only a red ribbon. (sad face)

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notes to myself #106

You make the right choice when you buy the U2 “Boy” album instead of The Romantic‘s “In Heat“.

The Video: Really Bad Things

 Here is a little video Kelly Pettit  and I made.
It’s a mixture of the “Really Bad Things” series with a bunch of new ones thrown in too!

 

 

 note: a very very very very special “thank you” to Kelly Pettit  who did all the work on this one: director, producer, cinematographer, sound engineer, and most especially editor. I really couldn’t have done this with out his expertise in things I know nothing about.
He also carried half the pool table around with me looking silly for a few hours.
Kelly rocks!!!!

double note: I should have smiled more in this video.

triple note: Really Bad Things, More Really Bad Things, and Still More Really Bad Things are still being bad.

 

notes to myself #10

When you are 9 years old do not do Morris’ paper route for him. He’s not going to pay you; and him and his dad are douche b … oh! … you don’t know those words yet! … they are jerks.