Tag Archives: ostriches

The Fastest Eggtimer


The fastest eggtimer in the world probably uses quicksand.

The egg probably doesn’t cook any faster though.


note: the biggest eggtimer in the world is probably in Africa … or maybe Australia.

double note: a “scrambled eggtimer” would be cool!

triple note: my bookshelf would be a World Record holder … if I had one of those books.


Mean Things I Say About People #2

I call someone I know “Diaper” because they are so self-absorbent … and they are full of shit most of the time too.

Classified Information


I’m glad humans don’t have wings

… because I really like being a mammal.


note: if I did have wings … I’d want cool ostrich ones.

double note: the talk about me being a genus is a specious argument … or me being a genius is a species argument … or me being … is probably small talk … or an argument … or something.

triple note: when it comes to stocks I follow Linnaeus’s advice: Buy No Mial … No Men Clature.

quadruple note: everything has been classified … except stuff that we don’t know about yet.

quintuple note: I was using the Royal “we” or the one that means everyone in the last note.

sextuple note: do monarchs have royal wees and then royal flushes?

septuple note : monarch butterflies … they’ve never been deposed … or had their heads cut off. What gives? … they must be benevolent dictators.


notes to myself #98

You know that globe bank in the top drawer of your parents’ dresser that is full of quarters and dimes that are all yours? … they stop putting money in there eventually.