Tag Archives: mothers

Dreaming Of Laundry

 

In my laundream, my mother still does my laundry

… and sews on the occasional button.

 

note: are  dryer lint filters “laundreamcatchers“?
… they are about as useful. hee hee!

double note: lint always reminds me of this old post. Don’t worry, it’s not a picture of an old post from a fence or anything. … but wouldn’t that be cool!

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Today #285

Today I scared kids by singing “It’s a Small World” in a high pitched creepy voice … and mimicking small zombie children, from all around the world, trying to kill them. Disney should really make a movie like that!

Bucket!

 

My mother washed my mouth out with soap for saying “bucket” once … or something like that.

I can’t remember what she used when I said it twice though.

 

note: if kids liked the taste of soap, what a perfect world that would be … for kids.

double note: I’m sure mothers would find an alternative to soap pretty quick: mothers are always full of alternatives … for altering kids’ behaviours.

triple note: nobody has invented a new swear word for a while … maybe longer words could be the answer.

quadruple note: ultimatums should be called ultimotherums … they seem to use them the most.

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Today #196

Today was unseasonable … like something you can’t eat no matter what you sprinkle on it.

Grapefruit

 

When I ate grapefruit as a kid my mother used to cut each segment away from the peel, so it was easy for me to eat.

She was pretty non-judgemental when I piled on the sugar too!

I’d like to thank her for that.
 
 Hey! It’s not like she peeled all my bananas for me or anything!

If you feel that way about it, go find your own mother!

 

note: if I didn’t have a mother, I’d wish I’d never been born. 

double note: I’m sure if I was born again, I’d be a born-again atheist.

triple note: Matt Damon has been Bourne again a few times now!

quadruple note: are there any born-again Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, …
… or are only Christians allowed to do that?

quintuple note: being a “died-again something” isn’t as catchy as that “born-again” stuff.

sextuple note: sheep probably “dye-in-the-wool” more than most animals.

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Today #139

Today was relaxative … I ate a lot of corn last night.

Lies

 

 

Do you know how to stop people from lying?

Use a “defibrillator” on them.

It would also give new meaning to “getting a paddling”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

note:  lie detector – another word for mother.

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