When I was a kid, my father introduced me to most games: solitaire, checkers, chess, cribbage, crazy 8s, Monopoly, snakes and ladders, Rumoli, hearts, 21, Scrabble, ….
I wish he was around now.
I need some help with Zombie Golf on my i-phone.
note: I lie: my mother was the Rumoli fiend in the family … she was a bit of a gambler/penny baron.
double note: it’s funny how people who don’t like games seem to like figuring out practical problems … they’ve never made the connection somehow.
triple note: I think life is a game … it’s a bit dicey at times.
Today I think my bank is giving me the special “evapo-rate“.
Posted in comedy, family, funny, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, wordplay, words
Tagged evapo-rate, father, games, humor, humour, mother, punch buggy
When I look at a child, I see the future.
When I look at a bunch of children, I usually see toys I want to play with … and stressed out playground equipment.
If I saw all the children of the world together, I’d be thinking I hadn’t brought enough spaghetti and balloons.
I’ll stick to looking at children individually … from a distance … and thinking about that future stuff.
note: acorns and unicorns don’t fall far from the tree … although the unicorns might have broken legs.
double note: my mother always said she stopped having children because she got a perfect one (me). … I must have inherited some of my “full of shit” quality from her … although I think my father would be charged with 80% responsibility, if I were a car accident.
Today was somewhere between dog shit on the shoe and winning the lottery.
Posted in comedy, funny, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, words
Tagged acorns, children, cowboys curing cancer, dog shit and winning the lottery, father, full of shit, genetics are relative, humor, humour, looking at gravesites makes me look to the past, mother, the future, unicorns
When I ate grapefruit as a kid my mother used to cut each segment away from the peel, so it was easy for me to eat.
She was pretty non-judgemental when I piled on the sugar too!
I’d like to thank her for that.
Hey! It’s not like she peeled all my bananas for me or anything!
If you feel that way about it, go find your own mother!
note: if I didn’t have a mother, I’d wish I’d never been born.
double note: I’m sure if I was born again, I’d be a born-again atheist.
triple note: Matt Damon has been Bourne again a few times now!
quadruple note: are there any born-again Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, …
… or are only Christians allowed to do that?
quintuple note: being a “died-again something” isn’t as catchy as that “born-again” stuff.
sextuple note: sheep probably “dye-in-the-wool” more than most animals.
Today was relaxative … I ate a lot of corn last night.
Posted in comedy, food, funny, humor, language, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized, word play, words
Tagged born again, Buddhists, Christians, die in the wool, died again, dye in the wool, eating corn, grapefruit, Hindus, humor, humour, Jews, mother, mothers, Muslims, never being born, oranges, peel, peeling bananas, peeling bananas like bells, piling on the sugar!, re:ligion, relaxative, sheep
When I was 11, my mother bought me a NERF ball: the old school type; orange and about the size of a grapefruit.
My 24 year old brother use to come for Sunday dinner every week. We’d play soccer with the NERF ball in the living room. I was the goalie and my net was the fireplace screen. My brother was the forward (don’t think they were called strikers yet). He’d do a running commentary on the shots, saves, and goals in a loud voice. We’d play for about an hour.
It drove my mother nuts.
After 6 months of this, she finally hid my NERF ball.
I pleaded and begged for its return. No Deal.
I searched for it. No Luck.
Eventually I forgot about the NERF ball; I moved on to Coleco Head to Head football or the Dune books.
When I was 16, I found it!
I could never use it, or admit that I’d found it though.
My mother had hidden it in the liquor cabinet.
note: Yes. The advertisement does say, ” You can’t hurt babies or old people “.
Posted in comedy, family, funny, games, hobbies, humor, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged humor, mother, nerf balls
I’m a procrastinator. I’m a disappointment.
I haven’t done any of the things my Mother said I could do when I became an adult.
– I don’t eat marshmellow sandwiches everyday.
– I don’t stay up all night watching TV.
– I haven’t gotten that Batman tattoo on my face yet.
– I’ve yet to buy the 8 million marbles I said I would.
– I never bumper shine.
– I haven’t played Tetris for 48 hours straight.
– I don’t play with firecrackers.
– I haven’t ridden a roller coaster 100 times in a row.
– I don’t fry bread in the bacon grease, like they do in England.
– I don’t walk around barefoot everyday.
– I haven’t ordered 2 desserts at a restaurant.
– I’ve yet to get a Mr. T haircut.
– I don’t have chocolate sprinkle sandwiches like the Dutch kids use to have.
– I haven’t gone to every house in a 5 km radius to fill 2 pillow cases full of candy on Halloween.
– I haven’t collected all the matchbox cars.
– I never eat a whole bag of chocolate chips.
– I still haven’t bought that H.R. Puff n’ Stuff Jacket with Witchipoo on the sleeve.
I’m a big disappointment.
Tomorrow I’ll get busy.
Posted in comedy, family, food, funny, humor, life, personal, random, random thoughts, stuff, thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged humor, mother, plans, procrastination