ABCDEF…

 

School letter grades and bra sizing are based on the same principle:

the bigger the boob, the further down the alphabet you go.

 

note: I think blood types might work in reverse, but that’s just me  with my O blood.

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Today #123

Today I realized that I eat meals by myself 99% of time:
… 1% of the time someone has to help me.

Hoopla!

 

I don’t jump through hoops … people throw them at me.

… I’m not in the circus or anything!

 

note: seals clap like me … not the other way around.

double note: imitation is the best flattery … unless monkeys are involved.

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Today #86

Today was today …tomorrow is tomorrow … yesterday … well that shit’s gone!

Primat…ters

 

If I were a different animal than I am now I’d want to be monkey

… because the learning curve wouldn’t be so hard maybe.

 

note: I might be better at those bars too!

double note: I’d definitely have a better chance at being an astronaut.

triple note: did they use sea monkeys to test the first submarines?

quadruple note: “$20 to participate in an experiment! Sign me up!”

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notes to myself #119

Banana seats on bicycles were, are, and never will be cool. Be thankful your parents didn’t buy you one … even though you wanted one for some reason.

When I’m Not Blogging, I Seem To Visit …

 

 

… the same places over and over again!

 

I had 9 days off in a row one after the other consecutively: like a row of dominoes, each day fell quickly and toppled in to the next … and were rectangular, white, and had assorted black dots on them … unless you have those black dominoes with assorted white dots on them … then it was just like that!

My snake wrangling sister  and her son came: so I polished off the bells and whistles (they were a bit dusty … and quiet), pulled out all the stops (hidden behind the Christmas ornament in the closet), and gave them the planetross super deluxe grand tour de forcefulness.

It’s kind of nice revisiting places, especially with people who haven’t been there before.
It makes me look like I know something!
… and we had a rubber chicken which always comes in handy.

In Nikko, I know that the chance of actually seeing the “sacred white horse” in it’s stable is slim; I know what shrines and temples are included on the one day ticket; I even know where the monkeys are! (usually)

 

In Matsumoto, I know the castle has a secret floor, all the staircases are in separate locations on each floor, and the staircases rise at angles between 55 and  61 degrees.

 

I knew that if I didn’t take pictures of the old guns inside Prairie Flounder  and Turkish Prawn  would be disappointed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I also know that taking pictures of things in glass cases doesn’t usually work too well for me.

I know cicadas are noisy little bastards everywhere! (random fact … consider it a bonus)

 

In Hiroshima, I know that I took the right exit when I see the “Boo Foo Woo” supermarket sign and the “Gush” sign … that I still have no idea about what they are selling.
Possibly there are other “Boo Foo Woo” supermarkets  at the other Hiroshima exits, but so far I’ve been lucky.

I know it’s the #2 tram that takes people to the ferry going to Miyajima; I know the seats on the trams make me bounce up and down in a silly way; I know that I really should start checking when the damn tide will be in!

 I know the A-bomb dome is pretty hard to miss at night too!

It’s amazing to think that I feel more comfortable driving in to Hiroshima than cities back at home: Vancouver is still a mystery to me.

 I know that something in the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum will make me think about the bigger picture and how lucky I’ve been … and that life is fleeting and you better enjoy it while you can because you never know what card will be dealt next.

 

In Kanazawa, I know that the same staff will be sweeping the same paths at the Kenrokuen Garden.

I know I will stick my head into this thing outside the 21st Century Museum of Contemporary Art on every visit. 

I know I sweat a lot and am possibly getting a bit thin up top!  Thanks for mentioning it! (the sweat is real, but the thinning hair could be a trick of light possibly)

 I know I will see cool art/statues/posters around the city … that I didn’t see the last time.

I know that if a family member is with me, I’ll probably have to ask random people to do random silly things in front of the camera … and they will say yes. 

I know I know I know. I’ve been there before.

 

note: If you come to Japan keep a bit of bread in your pocket because you’ll probably come across hungry carp in ponds somewhere when you least expect it.

double note: we also saw the Nagaoka fireworks and the Numata Matsuri … but I always go to those things … so I won’t mention them here. I think the “snake wrangler”  and “son of snake wrangler” had a good time: typhoonish weather, a little earthquake, a 5 hour traffic jam, and  enough lightning to power a lightning storm rounded out the trip. 

 

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

When I’m Not Blogging, I Possibly Visited … (Part 3)

Hiroshima, Hiroshima Prefecture

For most Japanese the first thing mentioned about a trip to Hiroshima is ….

okonomiyaki!

Japanese pancake/pizza/serious wodge/gut filler/yummy!

 

 Cooked on a grill and eaten with a metal spatula, okonomiyaki is pure comfort food.

calorie note: “wodge” as defined by planetross: a pasta, potato and lard sandwich.

The next things Japanese people think about Hiroshima are: the Hiroshima Carp baseball team, Momiji Manju snacks, the Miyajima shrine, possibly a tv drama that was shot in Hiroshima … and then just before they have to take off their socks and shoes and start counting out things on their toes, they say “Gen-baku Dome”  Peace Memorial and the A-Bomb Museum.

 

 It’s something from the history books … and most people come and expect to be solemn and miserable, but it’s hard to do in a vibrant city like Hiroshima.

There are many paper origami cranes on display as a memorial to Sadako Sasaki in the park outside the museum.

 

At the far end of the Peace Park there is the A-bomb dome or Gen-baku dome as it’s called in Japan. One of the few building to not be completely obliterated near ground zero on August 6th, 1945.

Here is the dome in better times.

 

There is a “peace flame” and memorial in this large park. The museum is behind anyone who takes this photo.

It’s only about 50 cents U.S. to go in to the museum. It’s interesting, informative, sad, horrible, depressing, and a great reminder  that life is very fragile.

 …  whether young or old; innocent or guilty, life is very precious and needs to be enjoyed every moment.

I’ve visited the museum a few times, but this stopped watch and these words say it all.

_____________________________________________________________

 

After being bummed out in the morning, I was back to being stupid and off to Itsukushima Island and the Miyajima Shrine. A tram and a ferry ride brought me there.

I can’t resist a “dead end” sign.

Arriving at low tide kind of sucked for taking pictures. I was very concerned about taking a photo of the bulldozer while the floating torii gate was in the background, but it was not to be.

There was someone under the shrine digging out excess sand and shooting it out to the bulldozer driver who unloaded it and then scooped, scraped and relocated it to another area. I imagine the guy under the shrine must have been a college student.

Then I was concerned about taking a stupid photo of the floating torii gate on my head.

Then I pretended vandalism.

Then there were monkeys. It can’t get any better than monkeys!!! … can it???

Then I wished I had this on a t-shirt.

Then there was a photo opportunity.    Hey! I call them as I see them!

Then I wanted this sign as a bumpersticker on my van.

 

Then the tide was really out at the shrine and I touched it  … and everything.

 

After that it was back on the ferry and tram, a big okonomiyaki feed and a few beer … and then off to the next destinaton.

 

note: I may just put on a silly short stupid entry tomorrow … as obviously I don’t have essence … because time is of that stuff … and I don’t have much of that possibly … tomorrow.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Monkey See, Monkey Do

While sitting in the park eating, I  imagined the people around me as monkeys.
I watched their movements, mannerisms, and facial expressions.

It was pretty funny.

Then I finished my banana, scratched my bum, and wandered off.

 

note: don`t do this by the monkey cages at the zoo; it gets confusing.

double note: some people wouldn`t be clever monkeys.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

The Package

I was informed a few weeks ago that a package was on the way to the residence where I live a lot …  all of the time by Epicurienne.

Usually I get a slip from the post office telling me that they came by at the usual time when they knew that I wasn’t going to be here and I should bring 3 types of ID, preferably mine,  to the post office and sign my name several times just to make sure that I am who I am: there must be a few planetrosses in town living at the same address as myself that I am not aware of.

But … this time they actually slid the parcel through my mail slot!

The outer package was your basic airmail type pouch, so I was weary about it and opened it thoroughly using guns, knives, broken glass, and other kitchen utensils. I’d show a picture of it, but it has my address on it and I don’t want everyone sending me amazing gifts all the time.

The inner package contained the word “Monkey” so I knew this was for me.

On the back were a lot of words that were pretty big; so I used bigger guns, bigger knives, bigger broken glasses, and other kitchen utensils and a few bathroom utensils to break in to this one.

There was an envelope just dripping with kryptonite inside, but  … I ain’t superman baby!
“To: the Planet with an Attitude” was written on the outside. Hey! I’m not making this stuff up!
… and if I was, my big brother can beat up your big brother; so what ya gonna do about it … until you grow up and become a cop and arrest me on trumped up charges that my brother can’t get me off of because he became a responsible citizen instead of a lawyer.

Anyway, the card inside must have cost a lot to have made with my name written on it professionally.

I’d show you the inside of the card, but you would just get all jealous because of all the nice stuff she says about me … like:

“I wish you had a split personality so you would even be more personable than you already are.”

and

“If someone threw all the comedians in the world into a big blender and mixed them up, you would still be way funnier than that!”

and

“I wish animals could read, so they could enjoy your blog too.”

and

“I bet you even eat, sleep, and look funny.”

So now that I was in my Ego Booster Chair, I unwrapped the gift …

 

A very cool book right up my dead end alley of reading!

“March Hares and Monkeys’ Uncles” by Harry Oliver! (that’s the name on the book: I’m not making this stuff up!)

Thank you very much Epicurienne!

 

note: this was a “hare-y” present, but … check out nathaliewithanh‘s blog for the ultimate “Very Hairy Christmas Card“.

double note: Hey Dan Reynolds! ( great cartoonist) I finally figured out who drew the cartoon you commented on. His name is Eric Decetis. You two should talk about what came first:  the lost rabbit or the lost dog.

 

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Disappointment

 

 

I bet trainspotters were really disappointed with the movie.

note: I bet heroin addicts are disappointed with that wrestling show Smackdown too.

double note: If heroin addicts were boatspotters, they’d be looking for the old Chinese ones.

triple note: My friend is a planespotter. I keep asking him why he sits around at the airport watching planes when he could be at home watching TV.

quadruple note: I could keep going on about this, but I’ve got a train to watch.

http://humor-blogs.com/

Fear

I’m not afraid of too many things.
I’m fine with heights, small spaces, spiders, and the dark.

I’m scared of monkeys.

More specifically, I’m afraid they will jump up and scratch my eyes out.

There are monkeys close to where I live in Japan.

As long as the monkeys or myself are in a cage, I’m fine.
“Haha, look at the funny monkeys. How cute.”

But when there is no barrier between us, I don’t think they are funny or cute anymore.

I knew a guy at University; 6’7″ (about 2 meters tall) and big: fighting big!
He was afraid of toenails.
You could chase him around all day with a freshly clipped toenail.

Now that’s a funny fear.

Unless they are monkey toenails.