Bond Villains

 

If I were a Bond Villain, I think I’d rent instead of buying;

… because Bond is just going to blow the stuff up anyway.

 

note: if James Bond had a middle name, it should be Avings. hee hee!

double note:

triple note: why isn’t the ultimate villain in a Bond movie ever a woman? … or a kid? … or Amish? … or Canadian?

.

Today #193

Today I wrote a big fat blog about Bond Villains’ houses and stuff at work, and then thought of a one sentence blog that basically gets the same point across, on the drive home from work.
Sometimes I have to write things down to not use them.

Doing Something Different, But Not Really

 

 

Lately I’ve been thinking about doing something artistic or creative for a change; maybe get that “single hair” tattoo in my armpit finally, or change my middle name to Edwardo. (now it’s just Edward)

Seeking inspiration, I asked myself, “What’s important in life?”

Clean air, ample food, fresh water, shelter, peace, love, and understanding are all very important; … but Al Gore and Elvis Costello seem to have all of those ones covered.

Then I thought, “What’s important to me?”

“Stupid Stuff and Trivial Crap!” were the first things to pop in to my head. (not necessarily in that order)

I like that stuff! It’s what’s in my head and makes my eyeballs go wide!

T-shirts and coffee mugs are pretty trivial! I bet I could combine them stupidly and trivially somehow!

At first I thought “t-shirt coffee mugs” might be pretty creative.

 

Then I thought “coffee mug t-shirts” might be very original.

 

Finally. I decided to go mainstream with stuff people can actually wear or drink out of.

With a tremendous amount of help from nathaliewithanh (because I’m a lazy bastard) …

 I have now officially opened a little shop over at  Zazzle …

 because there aren’t any online businesses called “Zezzle, Zizzle, Zozzle, Zuzzle, or Sometimes Zyzzle”.

 

 

Don’t worry, I’m not going to quit my day job:

… like I did when I tried doing a Karaoke World Tour
… or when I tried selling shoes that came in pairs of threes (just in case one wore out)
… or when I got sucked in to  promoting the Y3K protection packages.

 

 

I guess I am a merchant now like that guy in Venice.
I think things worked out well for him.

 

 

I am a bit disappointed they don’t offer any “2 ounce commuter coffee mugs” for people who live really close to work, but I guess it’s not a perfect world.

 

 

And I’m still working on the “I’m with Che Guevara Hawaii ’09” line of t-shirts: I can’t decide which way the arrow should point.

 

If you’ve got time and are interested in seeing what all this amazing stuff looks like, click here. 

Let me know what you think: any suggestions, ideas for future stuff, or scathing comments would be greatly appreciated.

*Each product line is over in the right hand column with a subsection for men’s, women’s, children’s, mugs, and mousepads.
If you click around enough, every design can be put on most t-shirts, mugs, or mousepads.

 

note: I know I’ll be the first on my block spilling coffee from my planetross mug on to my planetross t-shirt.

double note: the above images were made with the Parody Motivator Generator with photoshopped celebrity photos by nathaliewithanh and captioned by me.

triple note: The drawings were done by me with my left hand … because my right hand doesn’t draw so good. They were made a million times better by nathaliewithanh ! If you haven’t looked back through “Children’s Stories” up in the header, you really should: just to see the fine cleaned up drawings.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Business

 The name is George, Serious George.

 

“What kind of business are you involved in Mr. George?”

“Monkey Business”

 

note: I’ll have that banana tree “shaken, not stirred”.

double note: part 2 of Sammy’s Stucky Situation will be on next. (tonight, my time)

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Blofeld Eye

 

I am not a morning person.

It takes me a while to shake off sleep’s cobwebs and function properly.

As for facial features … I don’t know what happens while I’m asleep, but metamorphosis take place.

This morning I awoke to “Blofeld Eye“!

Whose face do you wake up to?

note: I must have “in…creased” my sleeping time.

double note: At least I didn’t wake up to Scaramanga nipples!!!

http://humor-blogs.com/

The World Bank

 

 

I want to borrow money from the World Bank; everyone else seems to.

I haven’t seen too many World Bank branches around though.

note: I’d like to open up a “world savings” account too, but I can’t decide between the James Bond, Superman, or Indiana Jones options.  Decisions, decisions.

http://humor-blogs.com/

License to Kill

Where can I apply for a “license to kill”?

I didn’t know I needed one. If the police catch me, I’ll be in real trouble if I don’t have one.

I might have to pay a big fine or something.

I wonder if it’s a graduated system: “license to mock“, then “license to give two for flinching“, ….

Maybe I need a learner’s permit first. Only allowed to kill during daylight hours with someone who already has a license to kill.

Do I need to take lessons?

Maybe I’ll just get a driver’s license instead.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/