Tag Archives: horses

Curator

 

I’ve discovered a few cures for diseases and viruses over the years.

It’s just that the diseases and viruses haven’t been discovered yet.

I’m patiently waiting.

 

note: doctors never discover the cure before the disease. … I guess you need a “pre doctoral” degree instead of a “post doctoral” degree for that stuff.

double note: bird flu, mad cow, swine flu, …
                                I bet the horses are getting nervous.

triple note: without a chimney there never is a flue season.

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Today #129

I know the days are getting longer in the Northern Hemisphere, but today seemed longer by a few hours!

Planes And Boats And Trains

 

 

Singers sing about cars, trucks, vans, motorcycles, boats, rockets, planes, helicopters, trains, buses, subways, balloons, bicycles, unicycles, skateboards, rollerskates, horses, and even Segways (Weird Al Yankovic)

… but no one ever sings about stilts.

Songwriters can’t be blamed for this oversight really:

the best rhyme that goes with “stilts” is “kilts”

… and stilts and kilts don’t really work too well together in my experience.

 

 

note: photo taken by Kelly Pettit … while we were being shopping mauled the other day.

double note: when I saw this photo it made me realize why I usually drive on the inside of my van.

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Today #95

I’m washing my stinky slippers today.
The ones I don’t wear at all never stink!
It’s a mystery!

 

Shoeless Horses

 

 

Whenever I see people playing horseshoes …

I always think of the poor horses who had to walk home from the party in their socks.

 

note: a shoeless horse isn’t a shoe horse; a naked horse isn’t a clothes horse either.

double note: I consider cows “hippies” because they walk around without shoes all the time … and they look kind of out of it too.

triple note: are horses the only animal that wears shoes? … other than that chimp who stole mine of course.

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notes to myself #169

Deer don’t leave footprints. They wear hooves dummy!

If I’m Here, It Must Be Today #15

"Sorry Ass" from Kelly Pettit's "FUEL"

 

Today was like a first kiss: I didn’t know what I was doing, but it was pretty damn good.

 

It's a note, but not one of those "Cole" ones.

subtitle:    ”Sorry Ass”   Sounds like what the mule said when the donkey didn’t get pregnant.

 

I’ll try to do one of these a day, until I run out of  Kelly Pettit  song titles! He’s got 4 CDs, so it should take a while.

“Sorry Ass” from Kelly Pettit’s  ”FUEL”.

 

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The Measures

The Weights and Measures 

The Measure family lived a half mile out of town in a semi-detached house on a quarter acre lot in the “Wuthering Heights” subdivision. Some people thought the area was named after the nearby heath and cliff; others, thought it was given the name because it was boring like the book.

Mr. Measure was a surveyor and Mrs. Measure a pharmacist. They had one child together named Milli.

Milli Measure

Since her parents had been married once or twice before, Milli had three half-brothers which she collectively called her one and a half brothers. She had a step-sister she referred to as her quarter sister; and she had an adopted sister who was one eighth something, so she called her Susan.

Many times the siblings were divided on issues, but they usually met each other halfway.
All the children were loved equally by their parents and often Mr. Measure would proudly exclaim, “When it comes to our family, there are no half-Measures!

They had a pet quarter-horse that was half thoroughbred and half whole grain, named Raisin; but the children called it Edward Furlong for some reason.

Edward Furlong  a.k.a Raisin

The Measures had a yard sale to raise money for their favorite charity, ” The Halfway Green House for House Plants” which grew house plants and promoted “Being Green Around The House” and wished to combat dehouseplantation because deforestation was too big to combat with only one greenhouse and limited funds raised from the charity box at their onsite gas station.

A big turn out turned out for the Measures’ yard sale.
Their wares included: square shoes for square feet in various sizes; half pants with a few holes in them and whole pants with half as many holes in them as the half pants; antique coffee table spoons; uncletique half pipes for snowboarders; old games with missing pieces and missing pieces for old games; weigh scales, piano scales, and alligator scales from Alligator shirts made in China; and garden metrognomes.

garden variety metrognome

 

They also sold: half slices of pizza and watermelon, quarter cupcakes, full half cups of coffee, and hamburgers that they had no idea how much meat were in them!

Mr. Measure went around shouting half orders to everyone and by the end of the day most of the Measures were going half out of their minds and were half fed up.
Eventually half of everything was sold which was almost everything because everything was pretty much half to begin with.

The Measures raised enough money for “The Halfway Green House For House Plants” that the charity was able to build another greenhouse and change their name to “The Wholeway Halfway Green Houses For House Plants And Semi-Tropical Ferns“.

 

note: I’d mention their neighbors “The Weights“, but that’s a heavy subject.

Mr. Weight waiting

 

 

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The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

 

Oh!  The rider has no head!

I thought it was The Headless Horse, man.

 I guess a headless horse would be pretty hard to ride.

note: Why are you galloping around the room?   I’m a little hoarse today! neigh! neigh!

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Wishes

 

I saw 2 shooting stars last night; I wished on them, but they were only satellites.” Billy Bragg

 

Why do people make wishes on stars?

Birthday candles are far more reliable: I have a 100% “wish come true” rate with birthday candles.

but …

I only ever wish for cake.

 

 

note: “If wishes were horses, rides would be free.” and …  I’d be wearing rubber boots everyday.

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