Food Etiquettion

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My sister used to eat all the food on her plate systematically clockwise.

She’d eat all the potatoes, then the sausages, then the peas, …

It drove my mother crazy.

I started eating all my food systematically counterclockwise
… just to bother my sister.

I don’t know if that drove my mother crazy as well,
but our mother stopped making dessert for some reason.

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note: I have no table manners … when I’m eating a burger while walking.

double note: if people are feeding off of you … you must have good table mannerisms.

triple note: I’m C’est la vie about French food, Que Sera, Sera about Spanish food,  … (come on! I know you can add to this list)

quadruple note: Fast Food is okay, but Faster Food would be an improvement … maybe.

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what I’m listening to now #26: myself rambling internally.

Everyday Forever!

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As a child I’d tell my mother, “I could eat chicken everyday forever!”

She’d say, “Oh, I’m sure you’d get bored doing that. You’d want roast beef, lasagna, ham, or something else eventually.“

Outwardly I would keep a brave face and insist I could do it, but inwardly I knew she was right.

I realize now the faultiness of my statement.

Now as an adult with a lot more experience I’d tell her,

“I could eat chicken everyday forever … but I’d eat all that other good stuff too!
Heck! There are 3 meals in a day aren’t there?“

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note: I’m adamantly flexible about most stuff.

double note: actually, I used to tell my mother I could eat most things everyday forever … if I was enjoying what I was eating at the moment.

triple note: I usually buy regular chicken … or regularly buy usual chicken, but the prepackaged stuff isn’t bad when the fridge is bare.

quadruple note: all children are short sighted.
The big picture is for big people; the small picture comes with a dinky toy.

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what I’m listening to now #14: the snow snowing outside … my ears are pretty good … I thought you knew that!

Fugu

 

Some people will spend a lot of money to eat something that could possible kill them.

These people are crazy!

They should just come to my place and eat for free.

 

note: everything you wanted to know about “fugu”, but were afraid to ask can be found here.

double note: I half-heartedly tried to find The Simpsons’ clip about fugu, but found The Simpsons’ introduction in Lego  instead. If you want to see a fine Lego Cake, pop on over to The Tesserae  for a look.

triple note: if you eat Lego Cake are you a demolitionist?

quadruple note: photo taken outside of a fugu restaurant in Yokohama. Is that the coolest fugu sign/artwork you’ve ever seen or what? I wonder if they’ve sprayed toxic paint on it so people won’t steal it!

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Leftovers or Remnants

I’ve seen a friend put one grape into a tupperware container and store it in the fridge to eat later.
I saw it with my own eyes! I swear!

I asked him why?

Because I can’t eat it now. I’m full,” he said.

Tupperware must love him.

Looking through other people’s fridges is a real eye opener: salad dressing bottles with a few drops congealing at the bottom, half a piece of toast wrapped up in tinfoil, a fuzzy green blob of something that may have once been a small mouthful of cheese.

To bastardize Shakespeare:

Something from Denmark is in a state of rotting.

note: bathroom cabinets are worse usually.

Cheese Makes Me Sweat

 

 

 

I like blue cheese. I like it a lot!

But when I eat it, it makes me sweat under the eyes.

 

Actually most strong cheese has the same effect on me.

When I mention this to people, 90% say this is impossible and accuse me of not knowing my own bodily functions.

But 10% say it also happens to them.

So…. does strong cheese make you sweat under the eyes?

 

note: The Naked Scientists gives a possible explanation here.

What Do They Call It?

 

Are they just:

Cows in Jersey?
Beans in Lima?
Bars in Nanaimo?
Nuts in Brazil?
Boots in Wellington?
Wings in Buffalo?
Hats in Panama?
Dragons on Komodo?
a Baked in Alaska?
Cigars to the Cubans?
Fries to the French?

Is it just:

Pepper in Cayenne?
Clamchowder in Boston?
Checkers in China?
Cake in the Black Forest?
Cheese in Edam?
a Mule in Moscow?
Goulash to the Hungarians?
Dressing to the Italians?
Duck in Peking?

or

Is it now called Bejing Duck?

Bull’s Penis

I’m pretty adventurous when it comes to food. I’ll try almost anything: guinea pig, grasshoppers, raw horse, live fish, strange stinky fruit, or unfamiliar vegetables.

A few years ago I went on a company trip to Hong Kong with all the Japanese people I work with. 6 of us went to a restaurant; everyone else ordered fried rice. It was the only thing on the menu that they recognized.
I ordered a few random things and a dish of bull’s penis.

Everyone looked at me like I was queer.

The bull’s penis was served all chopped up marinated in soya sauce.

They looked disappointed.
I think the others expected it to come out in one piece and erect; and that I’d start deep throating it.

After I sampled it, the others eventually tried it.

Then I called them homosexuals.

Chili Con Carne

A friend invited me over for dinner on Sunday night.

He made chili.

We both hadn’t eaten chili for years. It’s still good, if you haven’t had it for a while either.

It might not be a good idea to watch a long movie afterwards though.
People should probably go home after eating chili.

Just a little advice from experience.

note: When I was travelling in South America and learning a bit of Spanish, it took me a few months before I associated “con carne” with “with meat”!

Sometimes I’m a bit slow.

Black and Blue

When it comes to food, blue and black are not very appetizing colours.

Blue: unless you are a specific berry or a popsicle, I probably won’t eat you.

Black: unless you are caviar or highly recommended by a friend, I probably won’t eat you either.