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Sammy’s Stucky Situation: The Bindlings

The Bindlings

Part One of “Sammy’s Stucky Situation” here.

 

Do you know why bulk candy is cheaper than other candy?” asked the supermarket manager.

Because it doesn’t come in a shiny box, have a cool name or a massive ad campaign hyping it“, answered Sammy.

No, those aren’t the reasons“, the manager said seriously.

After a deep breath the manager explained the truth.

“Bulk bin candy isn’t tested as well for Bindlings as other candy.
Bindlings are little tiny animals that attach themselves to sugar beans and cocoa cane. They are like parasites, but are never found in pairs. I guess they are singlecites or half-parasites or something. Not much is really known about them.

Big candy companies spend a lot of money screening their products for Bindlings: bulk companies don’t.

Undetected, Bindlings grow from teeny tiny no-see-um size to ping pong ball size and live at the bottom of bulk candy bins. Most people, when they see them, just think they are clumps of melted candy or chocolate and just leave them behind.

They are relatively harmless to adults, but very dangerous to children. Bindlings are phalangeaters and digit nibblers; they like fingers … children’s fingers!

They especially like nailbiters’ fingers, pinky promisers’ fingers, nosepickers’ fingers, yoyo yoers’ fingers, fingersnappers’ fingers, playstationers’ fingers, coinslot checkers’ fingers, icing lickers’ fingers, gumball grabbers’ fingers, and cookies in milk dunkers’ fingers.

They don’t like thumb suckers’ fingers for some reason, but they really like the thumbs!

Usually they only get a bit of a finger, but once in a while a child who’s sticking a hand into the bulk bins gets a whole bum scratching finger bitten off. And bum scratching fingers take a mighty long time to grow back, I assure you.” he finished.

“Would you like to hear another story about where the cereal box toys really come from?” continued the manager.

At that moment, the next town’s firemen tapped on the store’s window and the sound made both Sammy and the supermarket manager jump.

The firemen eventually freed Sammy from the cart with a lot of shaking and a bit of hair pulling, and without the use of their extensive Life equipment, much to their disappointment.

Sammy never stuck his hands in the bulk bin candy bins ever again and was a bit leery about cereal box prizes for a while. However, he still took the odd grape or two when no one was looking.

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Sammy’s Stucky Situation

Sammy's Stucky Situation

This is the story of Sammy and what happened to him when he was 9 years old and rotten.

Sammy lived in a very small town.

The town was so small it had only one policeman, one fireman, and one personal trainer/lifestyle coach. It had one library with one book, which was overdue; one school with one teacher, which wasn’t a bad thing; and one supermarket with one shopping cart. The shopping cart had 4 wobbly wheels, but they wobbled in unison so nobody noticed.

One morning Sammy and his mother were in the supermarket using the one shopping cart with the 4 wobbly wheels that wobbled in unison so nobody noticed when Sammy began begging his mother to let him ride in the cart. She said he was too big and he wouldn’t fit. Sammy, once mentally going through all his other tactics for getting what he wanted from his Mother, begged more. He didn’t have too many tactics.

His Mother eventually gave in and helped him into the little child seat, which is very cool if you are under the age of 3 or possibly 4. It was a tight squeeze, but Sammy wriggled, jiggled, shifted, and squirmed his way in to a semi-comfortable position.

He was enjoying the ride until he saw the “bulk bin candy” section.

He wanted out of the cart, so he could stick his grubby hands in to each and every last bucket of candies to sample their contents like he always did.

His Mother tried to get him out, the store manager tried to get him out, the town’s solitary fireman eventually was called and tried to get him out; Sammy was stuck.

The Jaws of Life were deemed necessary to remove Sammy from the cart. The town didn’t have the Jaws of Life, the Teeth of Life, or the Fingernails of Life. The town didn’t have any Life equipment at all.

The next town’s firemen were phoned; they had the equipment, but were very busy doing a calendar shoot so wouldn’t be able to arrive until at least after supper.

Sammy would have to spend the whole day in the cart until at least sometime after supper, but hopefully not as long as “dessert being finished” time.

Since it was the store’s only cart, Sammy was abandoned by his Mother, who had stuff to do, and remained at the store. Most shoppers didn’t appreciate Sammy’s inclusion in their shopping experience and either chose to ignore him completely, or made him hold things like fresh fish, frozen foods, or boxes of diapers.

He was abandoned in the parking lot on more than one occasion and only retrieved when the next shopper needed the cart.

After the store closed at 6 p.m., the store manager parked him in the shopping cart rack and kept him company until the next town’s firemen would arrive.

“Would you like a few candies while we wait?” the manager asked.

“Yes”, was the answer.

After bringing Sammy a bag of assorted bulk bin candies, the manager started telling Sammy a story.

TO BE CONTINUED … 

 

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