A Golden Ticket

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There are a lot of chocolate bars out there:

Snickers, Kit Kat, Oh Henry!, Mr. Big, Almond Joy, Mars, Big Turk, Crunchie, Mounds, Coffee Crisp, Eat-More, Morrow, Hershey, Malted Milk, 3 Musketeers, Aero, Baby Ruth, Butterfinger, , Crispy Crunch, Flake, Skor, Sweet Marie, Twix,  Zero …

I know there’s no Willy Wonka “golden ticket” in any of them,

… but I’ll keep searching.

I’m forever optimistic.

… maybe I’ll find two!

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note: I think my favourite chocolate bars are Cherry Blossoms or Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups or maybe Glosette Raisins or Peanuts, or possibly Rolos, and definitely all types of M&M’s.

double note: chocolate bar codes are probably lickable.

triple note: being pre-optimistic and post-optimistic is in the realm of transgender people maybe.

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what I’m listening to now #33:  nothing! … everything is on mute.

Mountains

 

My calendar at work this year has pictures of Japanese mountains: one for each month. I recognize Mt. Fuji, the Japanese Alps, Mt. Tanigawa  , and the mountain surrounded marshlands of Oze .
(the last 2 are about 30 minutes away from where I live)

The other 8 mountains look scenic and impressive, but I have no idea where they are.

I’m kind of disappointed.

I was hoping Mt. Splash, Mt. Big Thunder, and Mt. Space were going to be on it.

 

 

note: I’ve Googled the mountains of West Virginia and there is no Mt. Mama! … John Denver is full of crap! … I kind of liked him in Gilligan’s Island though.

double note: if it wasn’t for Mt. Kilimanjaro, I’d think Africa was flat.

triple note: if it wasn’t for Heidi and “The Sound of Music“, I wouldn’t know anything about Switzerland at all … except for that Nazi gold, cheese, chocolate, cuckoo clocks, neutrality, army knives, and that Disneyland ride they invented.

quadruple note: the photo has nothing to do with mountains. I just thought those that saw the little red car before would like to be updated on what the owner has been acquiring.

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Today #128

Today I said the word “dink” for the first time in about 20 years. It still sounds funny!

Animalosity

People don’t make food in the shapes of too many animals.

I guess people don’t really want to eat a piece of pork, beef, or chicken that has been molded into the shape of a pig, cow, or chicken. It’s unsettling or unappetizing for many.

But chocolate! … you can mold any animal shape out of that stuff and people will eat it and ask for seconds.

People must be chocolate desensitized.

I’m glad I wasn’t born a chocolate animal.

 

note: “It looks like a human baby! I get the head!”

double note: the things in the photo are Butaman, pork filled dumpling thingeys.

triple note: I didn’t eat one of them this time. I tried the venison filled ones.
… there were no cute deer faces on them though.

quadruple note: I eat vegetables and fruit that are shaped like vegetables and fruit, … but that’s different.

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Today #79

Today was like a Pink Floyd concert. I think it was good, but I don’t really remember too much about it.

Theo’s Thoughts

 

 This is the story of Theo when he was eight and not so rottenish yet.

Theo thought he needed a hobby; actually, his parents insisted he do something other than skulk around claiming he was bored all the time.

All his friends had hobbies: sports cards, stamps, coins, trainspotting, advanced robotics, …

One of his friends even collected teeth; but his father was a dentist, so that was only mildly disturbing.

Theo decided to collect his thoughts.

He would put them in jars, label them, and keep them in a bookcase that was really doing nothing except holding a bunch of  books.

He thought about all the thoughts he thought in one day …or at least thought about all the thoughts he thought he thought about in one day … and realized he had too many thoughts to collect all of them.
 He only had 35 jars, so he decided “happy thoughts” might be a good start.

Over the next few weeks he collected and organized all his “happy thoughts” about finding money, ice cream, toys, running through sprinklers, …

In no time at all, all his jars were full!
Surprisingly, 3 jars were exclusively filled with “happy thoughts” about ice cream!

It was a very fine collection of thoughts.

He soon realized that since all his “happy thoughts” were bottled up, labelled, and stacked away; he had a very large number of “sad thoughts” floating around in his head.
With no “happy thoughts” to chase the “sad thoughts” away, they just lingered.

This made him sadder.

Theo decided it would be a good idea to free all his “happy thoughts” and start collecting his “sad thoughts” instead.

He refilled his jars with “sad thoughts” about broken bones, no dessert, vaccination needles, dropped ice cream cones, dentist visits …

 

It took him a whole month to fill up all 35 jars. 

He concluded that “sad thoughts” were more difficult to trap  than “happy thoughts” because they didn’t like jars.

With no more “sad thoughts” in his head, Theo thought he’d be really happy: but he wasn’t.

Without any “sad thoughts” to balance his “happy thoughts“, his “happy thoughts” weren’t as strong or happy anymore …  kind of like appreciating being healthy a lot more after being sick … or how a cold Winter makes Spring’s arrival so much better. He needed both sadly, or happily.

Theo decided to release his “sad thoughts” and resolved  never to collect his thoughts ever again.

He used the 35 jars to catch colds instead.

 

note: The jar of asparaguses on the floor is not a “sad thought“: Theo just dropped it accidentally on purpose while walking by the bookcase on the way to the dinner table. He had a “happy thought” right after he did this for some reason.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Sammy’s Stucky Situation: The Bindlings

Part One of “Sammy’s Stucky Situation” here.

 

“Do you know why bulk candy is cheaper than other candy?” asked the supermarket manager.

“Because it doesn’t come in a shiny box, have a cool name or a massive ad campaign hyping it“, answered Sammy.

“No, those aren’t the reasons“, the manager said seriously.

After a deep breath the manager explained the truth.

“Bulk bin candy isn’t tested as well for Bindlings as other candy.
Bindlings are little tiny animals that attach themselves to sugar beans and cocoa cane. They are like parasites, but are never found in pairs. I guess they are singlecites or half-parasites or something. Not much is really known about them.

Big candy companies spend a lot of money screening their products for Bindlings: bulk companies don’t.

Undetected, Bindlings grow from teeny tiny no-see-um size to ping pong ball size and live at the bottom of bulk candy bins. Most people, when they see them, just think they are clumps of melted candy or chocolate and just leave them behind.

They are relatively harmless to adults, but very dangerous to children. Bindlings are phalangeaters and digit nibblers; they like fingers … children’s fingers!

They especially like nailbiters’ fingers, pinky promisers’ fingers, nosepickers’ fingers, yoyo yoers’ fingers, fingersnappers’ fingers, playstationers’ fingers, coinslot checkers’ fingers, icing lickers’ fingers, gumball grabbers’ fingers, and cookies in milk dunkers’ fingers.

They don’t like thumb suckers’ fingers for some reason, but they really like the thumbs!

Usually they only get a bit of a finger, but once in a while a child who’s sticking a hand into the bulk bins gets a whole bum scratching finger bitten off. And bum scratching fingers take a mighty long time to grow back, I assure you.” he finished.

“Would you like to hear another story about where the cereal box toys really come from?” continued the manager.

At that moment, the next town’s firemen tapped on the store’s window and the sound made both Sammy and the supermarket manager jump.

The firemen eventually freed Sammy from the cart with a lot of shaking and a bit of hair pulling, and without the use of their extensive Life equipment, much to their disappointment.

Sammy never stuck his hands in the bulk bin candy bins ever again and was a bit leery about cereal box prizes for a while. However, he still took the odd grape or two when no one was looking.

http://humor-blogs.com/