Tag Archives: chestnuts

Blind Eyesores

 

My mother always said,If you get used to crap sitting in the same place for 6 months, you might as well bronze it.

Bronzing must be expensive … or everyone would be doing it!

 

note: it’s amazing how many things my mother said … and I didn’t listen to … but am slowly coming around to her way of thinking now.
I’m just glad she wasn’t full of crap … like I may have thought once when I was more full of crap.

double note: the chestnut doesn’t fall far from the tree … but neither does most stuff … that is falling from trees.

.

Today #305

Today I finally mailed all my Christmas cards. Just to close friends and family that are far away … and not close at all!
What gives?

Inefficiency Expert

a deflated person with flated tires

 

I’m going to paint my house with a paintball gun

right after …

washing the van with a water pistol.

But first I have to wait until I’m finished flipping these pancakes with the slingshot.

 

note: My friend always wins at paintball … he uses clear paintballs with stealth technology. I don’t even know when I’m hit! … he just tells me. He’s pretty good at poker too; I don’t know half the rules he does!

double note: paint cannonballs would be awesome!

triple note: a water Gatling gun would probably just be a hose.

quadruple note: Singapore Slingshots would be a great drink!

quintuple note: peashooter snipers are underrated.

sextuple note: I had  third degree Indian burns for most of my childhood.

septuple note: I know “Indians” isn’t politically correct, but “First Nations People burns” or “Native American burns” just doesn’t sound right.

octuple note: I was missing a few cards as a kid, so I only know “49 pick up“.

nontuple note: Do you remember “Conkers“? It sucks in Japan … they actually eat chestnuts.

decuple note: I can make a game out of anything as long as you’re not big on rules: I’m unruly!

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Food For Thought

I am ignorant about many types of food.

I love food, but don’t usually think too deeply about how it is grown.

In the last few years I have discovered:

pineapples don’t grow on trees.

bananas hang on trees the opposite way I thought they did.

 coconuts don’t start out small, brown, and hairy like the ones in the supermarket.

people do eat chestnuts, just not the kind that grew around my hometown.
   (I always wondered why people were roasting chestnuts on an open fire in that Christmas song)

I still haven’t figured out peanuts yet: please don’t tell me, I want it to be a surprise.

 

note: road apples, prairie oysters, and cow pies do not grow on trees or in the ground. I think one of them is inedible, but I could be wrong.

double note: My in-depth knowledge of how rice is grown hopefully makes up for these other deficiencies.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/