Blind Eyesores

 

My mother always said, “If you get used to crap sitting in the same place for 6 months, you might as well bronze it.”

Bronzing must be expensive … or everyone would be doing it!

 

note: it’s amazing how many things my mother said … and I didn’t listen to … but am slowly coming around to her way of thinking now.
I’m just glad she wasn’t full of crap … like I may have thought once when I was more full of crap.

double note: the chestnut doesn’t fall far from the tree … but neither does most stuff … that is falling from trees.

.

Today #305

Today I finally mailed all my Christmas cards. Just to close friends and family that are far away … and not close at all!
What gives?

Inefficiency Expert

 

I’m going to paint my house with a paintball gun

right after …

washing the van with a water pistol.

But first I have to wait until I’m finished flipping these pancakes with the slingshot.

 

note: My friend always wins at paintball … he uses clear paintballs with stealth technology. I don’t even know when I’m hit! … he just tells me. He’s pretty good at poker too; I don’t know half the rules he does!

double note: paint cannonballs would be awesome!

triple note: a water Gatling gun would probably just be a hose.

quadruple note: Singapore Slingshots would be a great drink!

quintuple note: peashooter snipers are underrated.

sextuple note: I had  third degree Indian burns for most of my childhood.

septuple note: I know “Indians” isn’t politically correct, but “First Nations People burns” or “Native American burns” just doesn’t sound right.

octuple note: I was missing a few cards as a kid, so I only know “49 pick up“.

nontuple note: Do you remember “Conkers“? It sucks in Japan … they actually eat chestnuts.

decuple note: I can make a game out of anything as long as you’re not big on rules: I’m unruly!

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Food For Thought

I am ignorant about many types of food.

I love food, but don’t usually think too deeply about how it is grown.

In the last few years I have discovered:

– pineapples don’t grow on trees.

– bananas hang on trees the opposite way I thought they did.

– coconuts don’t start out small, brown, and hairy like the ones in the supermarket.

– people do eat chestnuts, just not the kind that grew around my hometown.
   (I always wondered why people were roasting chestnuts on an open fire in that Christmas song)

I still haven’t figured out peanuts yet: please don’t tell me, I want it to be a surprise.

 

note: road apples, prairie oysters, and cow pies do not grow on trees or in the ground. I think one of them is inedible, but I could be wrong.

double note: My in-depth knowledge of how rice is grown hopefully makes up for these other deficiencies.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/