Tag Archives: candy


The food replicator has PEZ!!!

I bet a lot of people laughed at the inventor of the PEZ dispenser.

“Why would someone buy a device that isn’t necessary to eat the product?”

“Who wants a crappy candy that looks like it’s being regurgitated for you to enjoy?”


Whoever thought of that was a consumerism visionary!

or … a comsumerary or visionumerist or something like that.


note: for everything you ever wanted or didn’t want to know about PEZ check here.

double note: I was born too late.

triple note: If you steal from the PEZ company, is it called empezzling?

quadruple note: I bet the PEZ motto is “One is born every minute, and they can eat 12 before reloading“.

quintuple note: image from here.

sextuple note: I wonder if there are any birth control pill PEZ dispensers. (sorry, just getting strange here)

septuple note: Are people that eat PEZ called PEZants?



Sammy’s Stucky Situation: The Bindlings

The Bindlings

Part One of “Sammy’s Stucky Situation” here.


Do you know why bulk candy is cheaper than other candy?” asked the supermarket manager.

Because it doesn’t come in a shiny box, have a cool name or a massive ad campaign hyping it“, answered Sammy.

No, those aren’t the reasons“, the manager said seriously.

After a deep breath the manager explained the truth.

“Bulk bin candy isn’t tested as well for Bindlings as other candy.
Bindlings are little tiny animals that attach themselves to sugar beans and cocoa cane. They are like parasites, but are never found in pairs. I guess they are singlecites or half-parasites or something. Not much is really known about them.

Big candy companies spend a lot of money screening their products for Bindlings: bulk companies don’t.

Undetected, Bindlings grow from teeny tiny no-see-um size to ping pong ball size and live at the bottom of bulk candy bins. Most people, when they see them, just think they are clumps of melted candy or chocolate and just leave them behind.

They are relatively harmless to adults, but very dangerous to children. Bindlings are phalangeaters and digit nibblers; they like fingers … children’s fingers!

They especially like nailbiters’ fingers, pinky promisers’ fingers, nosepickers’ fingers, yoyo yoers’ fingers, fingersnappers’ fingers, playstationers’ fingers, coinslot checkers’ fingers, icing lickers’ fingers, gumball grabbers’ fingers, and cookies in milk dunkers’ fingers.

They don’t like thumb suckers’ fingers for some reason, but they really like the thumbs!

Usually they only get a bit of a finger, but once in a while a child who’s sticking a hand into the bulk bins gets a whole bum scratching finger bitten off. And bum scratching fingers take a mighty long time to grow back, I assure you.” he finished.

“Would you like to hear another story about where the cereal box toys really come from?” continued the manager.

At that moment, the next town’s firemen tapped on the store’s window and the sound made both Sammy and the supermarket manager jump.

The firemen eventually freed Sammy from the cart with a lot of shaking and a bit of hair pulling, and without the use of their extensive Life equipment, much to their disappointment.

Sammy never stuck his hands in the bulk bin candy bins ever again and was a bit leery about cereal box prizes for a while. However, he still took the odd grape or two when no one was looking.




Sucking versus Chewing

When I eat candy, I am a chewer.

I can’t wait for a slow flavour sensation: I want gratification now.
I want all the flavour to be released with the ferocity of a frozen river breaking up in Spring.
I want to stick as many candies in my mouth as possible and have my brain explode!!!

I understand the candy suckers though.
They are in for the long haul.
Stretching out the flavour for as long as they can.
Long after chewers have munched through a bag of candy, suckers are still enjoying the slivery remnants of their first candy.

The sucker people suck unless they give me some of their candy.