Tag Archives: bridges

Dentists

 

As soon as I open my mouth and they start talking, I know that deep down dentists wished they were engineers:

bridges, root canals, dental dams, braces/railroad tracks, drills, and even toothpicks!

They can’t fool me!

 

note: I think the worst thing I’ve tried to eat while my mouth was still frozen from the dentists were waffles. You never really know where the waffle ends and the inside of your mouth begins.

double note: opening my mouth and having someone else start talking makes me feel like a dummy … a ventriloquist’s dummy.

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Today #119

Today was like watching all the coming attractions before the movie … but the movie never started.

Delayed Rain

actually this is the bullet train (shinkansen) track, but you get the idea

 

Driving under bridges in the rain makes me think of … nothing.
It’s quite nice actually.

 

note: driving cars under bridges with rivers under them is for the ferries.

double note: turning the wipers off for a second gives me something to do.

triple note: rain drowns out the noise … and other things: that’s not so good sometimes.

quadruple note: “Hey it stopped raining! … crap it’s just a bridge.”

.

notes to myself #53

Do not put Tiger Balm on your upper lip! EVER!!!!

The Video: Really Bad Things

 Here is a little video Kelly Pettit  and I made.
It’s a mixture of the “Really Bad Things” series with a bunch of new ones thrown in too!

 

 

 note: a very very very very special “thank you” to Kelly Pettit  who did all the work on this one: director, producer, cinematographer, sound engineer, and most especially editor. I really couldn’t have done this with out his expertise in things I know nothing about.
He also carried half the pool table around with me looking silly for a few hours.
Kelly rocks!!!!

double note: I should have smiled more in this video.

triple note: Really Bad Things, More Really Bad Things, and Still More Really Bad Things are still being bad.

 

notes to myself #10

When you are 9 years old do not do Morris’ paper route for him. He’s not going to pay you; and him and his dad are douche b … oh! … you don’t know those words yet! … they are jerks.

FM Radio Play Only

land built around a bridge ... convenient!

 

My life is a song.

Please refrain by spitting off the bridge.

 

note: I need to change my chords … the grooves are all worn out on these ones.

double note: verses! … mine are all the same … I’m living in a regular universe.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

When I’m Not Blogging, I Possibly Visited … (Part 5)

 The Toilet! 

this toilet will self-flush in 5 seconds ... good luck planetross.

“Your mission, Planetross, should you decide to accept it,
is . . . to go to Shikoku and see if anyone is really there at all.
 As always, should you or any member of your P.R.
Force
be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow
any knowledge of your actions. This toilet will
auto-flush in five seconds.”
 

You know Shikoku … one of the 4 main islands of Japan. If Japan was a band, Shikoku would be the bass player.

I freely admit my knowledge of Shikoku is spotty.
I know that: it’s kind of roundy on the map, it’s connected to Honshu by 3 bridges, it has 88 temples that you can visit, if you’ve got loads of time … and really like temples … and I’m not talkin’ ’bout those Shirley type ones … or those ones on your head.

I asked my co-pilot “don’t put me on your blog … unless I’m distorted and yawning” what Shikoku had to offer. She said, “it’s kind of roundy on the map, it’s connected to Honshu by 3 bridges, and it has 88 temples“.

She said she used to work with  someone from Shikoku once and they were nice, but sometimes arrived at work 5 minutes late.

After that scary story, I rolled up my window and locked the doors.

Nice Parking!

 On arrival, I could tell these Shikokuites were going to be a sarcastic bunch. I liked them immediately.

unfortunate work uniforms

They were a bit out of fashion though. But I could live with that because …

Super Deluxe Giant Bonsai Tree!

 they had giant bonsai trees  everywhere!!!!

With only one day to see anything, the decision was made to go to Takamatsu, Kagawa Prefecture.well that makes it easy

 It was a tough decision about where to go first:
Ritsurin Koen (not in the top 3 parks to visit in Japan, but an edgy contender to nudge out the top 3 and my garden),
Yashimaji Temple (#84 of the 88 big ones), 
or
Shikokumura (old building from around Shikoku).

We went Ritsurin Park first because it was nearest … and the other 2 attractions were close together about 5 km away … and we didn’t really care about them that much other than day fillers.

Ritsurin Koen (park)

Ritsurin Park was great: giant bonsai everywhere, little bridges conveniently located in areas between land, and even ice cream vendors!

I want this in my frontyard

Next stop was the Temple which was pretty good to wander around. All I remember about it was a surviving apple/cherry tree planted by some monk about 800 years ago. He wrote, “If someone asks ‘What tree is this?”, tell them ‘It is my tree.‘” … selfish bastard. 

After that I said stuff like:
If someone asks whose van is this? Tell them it is Ross’ van.
and
If someone asks whose gum this is? Tell them it is Ross’ gum.
and
If someone asks whose smell this is? Tell them it is the dog’s smell.

 

The sleeper attraction was definitely “Shikokumura”.

traditional replica vine bridge ... with steel cables in it

It started with a cool bridge.

that's a lot of soy sauce!

And then went on to produce a sugarcane farm building, a No theatre, old farmhouses, a very old soy sauce factory, ….

octopi pots

old fishing equipment stuff for catching octopuses … or octopi if you are being anal, and even a lighthouse which supposedly was erased from all Japanese maps during WWII because it was very important. I didn’t take a photo of it …  because why break tradition.

inspiration for Peter Gabriel's "Steam" possibly

During the evening I visited the longest covered shopping arcade in Japan; visited a nice bar/restaurant which had great seafood, but pretty crappy chicken, and  saw this little “Butaman” (pork dumpling shop) which reminded me of Peter Gabriel’s  “Steam“.

The next morning, it was back on the road with only one more stop before back home for rest … and an end to this serialized series.

Winnie the Pooh Truckin'

I’d like to say that I was at highspeeds when I snapped this big rig’s doll collection, but I think my mirror gives me away.

Another traffic jam!

another bridge on the horizon

Finally there was the bridge off of Shikoku … and a big Ferris Wheel!

Overall this one day trip to Shikoku was just a teaser. If I’m still blogging next year this time … or this year next time,  it will probably be about a return visit to Japan’s secret island and all the amazing stuff that is … Shikoku!

 

note: the last installment of this series is last … and next!   … and then it will be back to little short small tiny quick fast speedy stuff … hopefully.

double note: little short small tiny quick fast speedy stuff actually takes more thinking than these big long tall lothargic gigantic loquatious lengthy big things.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

How To Look Cool In Photos

People always ask me, “Planetross, how can I look cool in photos like you?”

First I have to explain that they can’t; it’s a photogenetic thing that you have in your kodachromes and monochromes or you don’t.  But …. here are a few pointers to improve your photo-coolness factor without having to buy special cameras with shutter speeds and apertures, or join groups like ISO. 

Tip #1:  Use bamboo

Bamboo is a universally accepted high quality multipurpose flexible usage item.

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You might not look any better, but most people will be distracted by how great bamboo is and just think you are too: Greatness by association has worked well for many things: peanut butter would be nothing with out jam, no Jerry Lewis-no Dean Martin, Paul McCartney would have been nothing with out those Wings, … I’m sure you can think of others.

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See how the magic of the bamboo distracts you from the bamboo holder! You are probably thinking, “I want to get my hands on some of that bamboo and be like that guy in the photo. Mmmm …. he must be cool too!

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Just in case you are a bit slow: bamboo my friends … bamboo!

 

Tip #2: Flags and Seagulls

Two common everyday items that most people have easy access to in their bathroom cabinets.

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Shake the dust off those flags and seagulls and use them to your advantage. (burning flags and seagulls usually won’t win you any cool points though)
How many times have you seen athletes, leaders of state, and large crowds of people waving flags, wrapping themselves in flags, or saluting flags and thought to yourself …. Mmmm …. that’s pretty cool, but it could be better with a few seagulls as well.

 

Tip #3: Ball Caps, Bridges, and Temples

Separately these things may make you look uncool; but together, very powerful.  

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Having your head only cover about 1% of the photo helps too!

 

Tip #4: Be in a photo with 2 women and a box of doughnuts

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Facing away from the camera, pretending to take a photo … but actually thinking about those lovely doughnuts and how wonderful it would be if those women forgot them on the bench when they left, or even just took their eyes off of them for a second, or didn’t threaten to report me to the police for stalking them with my creepy friend standing behind them chanting “eat the doughnuts bury the bodies“.

 

Tip #5: Be photographed in a cool vehicle

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I don’t have any photos of that, so here is one of me in my van.

 

Final Tip:

If everything else fails to make you look cool in photos, then stick your head in a garbage receptacle or anything else it will fit in to: box, lampshade, KFC chicken bucket, tuba, old cannon barrel, pet carrying cage, toilet, …

matshshima-0191

 

If you think you look cool in photos already and are not following the above guidelines, you probably hang out with sycophantic people who tell you lies because you have pots of money, or have a very high opinion of yourself, or are one of the lucky people who were born with several focal points, or depth of field, or isotopes, or some other thing that camera sales people talk about while I feign interest and am really just thinking about what color the camera case will be.

 

note: all photos taken by Kelly Pettit, except for the Bamboo sign one which I urinated on once, but it’s rained since so that’s okay.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/