Tag Archives: big macs

Total Recallections


If people had total recall of every memory stamped on their brain:

– School would be over very quickly.
– phone books could be shared between a lot of people.
– Lost and Found areas wouldn’t have so much stuff in them.
– saying “I forgot.” would be a crappier excuse than it is now.

-computer apps and memo books for remembering stuff would be gone.
-“belated birthday cards” wouldn’t be very popular.
– a lot of movies and tv shows would look very copied … more than they do now. “This is the same as episode 52 of The Rockford Files, episode 129 of Barnaby Jones, and episode 5 of Cannon!

– sports stats would only be for newbies.
– no one would make mistakes singing National Anthems … unintentionally.
– the jean jacket with the  patch on it saying “Don’t eat yellow snow“, that I left behind a rock on Mt. Rundle in Banff when I was 11 years old, wouldn’t still be behind that rock.

– déjà vu would be clinically verifiable.
– people would probably know exactly when they lost their memory.
– I would know exactly how many Big Macs I’ve eaten in my lifetime.
– memory sticks would still be popular.

– the rhetorical question “How many times have I told you … ” wouldn’t have to be uttered … “I’ve told you 34,094 times … ” would be more popular.
– grudges might last longer.
– trivial bets would have to be more trivial.
– being born would be kind of a weird memory.


… History would still repeat itself … because total recall wouldn’t mean people would be any smarter.

Remembering mistakes is different than learning from them.


note: I’m glad I don’t have total recall of all my memories … otherwise I would never snap my fingers, look skyward blankly with a furrowed brow, or slap my head.

double note:I remember everything I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday” … or maybe only a little stuff that happened yesterday … or I think happened yesterday possibly only a little.
(if you remember/know what record/song/artist that quote is from, please let me know. You’re only hint is Meatloaf on this one.)


Today #203

Today my morning consisted of sitting in a hotspring bath and buying a helium balloon: life’s tough like that sometimes.



Why is there never a single patron discount at FastFood places?
It’s always a “Family Value Set” or “Party Pack” that only groups can enjoy.

Sure, there are individual sets … and sometimes burger or chicken promotions, but everyone can still take advantage of those.

I’ll continue to occupy boothseats by myself until something is done about this.


note: I bought a “Big Mac Set” and another Big Mac from the local McDonald’s for 970 yen … and then noticed there was a “3 Person Value Set” for 1,000 yen. I felt kind of ripped off.

My Order: 2 Big Macs, medium fries, medium drink.
3 Person Value Set: Big Mac, Teriyaki McBurger, hamburger, chicken McNuggets, 2 medium fries, 3 small drinks. (above photo)

double note:  in protest, yesterday I went to McDonald’s and ordered that stupid 3 Person Value Set, sat down with my stupid 2 trays, and stupidly ate it all.
… then I waddled home and groaned a lot. 

triple note: I guess I could have gone with someone and split the “3 Person Value Set” for a savings, but I didn’t think I could convince Mr. Pettit to eat that stinky Teriyaki McBurger.

quadruple note:Eating alone? … that’s half-price then.

quintuple note: sometimes “I Am The Pig”


Today #69

I smelled the todaisies today … or whatever those flowers are called.

Just Thought You Should Know


I think of my lungs as being at the front of my body.

– It takes me exactly 8 bites to eat a Big Mac … no more; no less.

I now understand why old men wear hats … I just don’t 
  know why they wear such bad ones … and while driving.

– I still don’t understand “the women sitting in the backseat” thing.

If someone told me I had 4 years to live, the first thing to run
   through my head would be if that year was a leap year or not.

– My sister says “Holy Shmoley“. That bothers me for some reason.
   It should be “Holy Crowley Guacamole” or nothing at all in my books.

There are 3 mints and an unchewed piece of gum trapped under
  the seat of my van. I will rescue them one day.

– I’ve considered the lilies … because I’m considerate.

– “metallurgy” makes me think of hayfever for some reason.

– I walked to 7-11 humming Ringo Starr’s “No, No No Song“, bought a 6
  pack of beer, and won a little container of apple yogurt before coming back
  here and finishing off this entry.

I have mixed feelings about Cheap Trick.


Bad Thoughts While Hanging Out The Laundry #1

Being deaf with no hands.

The Blue Monkey #5

The Blue Monkey predicts:

In our lifetime the “Big Mac” will be replaced by the “Bigger Mac“.

The Blue Monkey can’t see anything in the future after that.


The blue monkey is a lesser oracle who predicts what may happen, not what will happen. He has studied many different disciplines on his path to enlightenment, including: using ouija boards, reading horoscopes, counting cherry pits, blowing out birthday candles, opening fortune cookies, pulling wishbones, watching Kung Fu reruns, listening to the weatherman, twisting apple stems, and shaking the Magic 8 Ball. All behold the blue monkey!

BEHOLD: The Blue Monkey #1
             The Blue Monkey #2
             The Blue Monkey #3
             The Blue Monkey #4


Still Too Much Time

My Failed Restaurant

 Blood Donor Kebabs.




 The original cutting edge technology.




I just love the way that word rolls off my tongue.



Growing Old

I can’t wait to be old: then I would have an excuse for being such a crap driver.



Kraft Dinner

Off of the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner box:

That’s why more kids and moms love “the one in the Blue Box.”
Right down to the bottom of the bowl.
Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

Forget kids and moms, I love it too!



Cats and Tongues

“What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue.”

Who thought that one up?
Were cats once notorious tongue thieves?

I’m going to have nighmares now!!




There should be a food product call “hangover”.

-I’d like a hangover please.
-Snickers are good, but hangovers are better!
-Can you get me a hangover from the store?
-I had 3 hangovers yesterday




Big Macs

If you put a Big Mac in a blender and drank it, would it taste the same?



Crime Drama

Why are there so many Crime Dramas on TV?
I think there should be one titled, “The Proof is in the Pudding”.

At every crime scene, the lead character could say,
“We better check the pudding to solve this one.”

Pudding is good too!



2 Questions You Don’t Want to Hear

How long can a car drive in first gear with the gas pedal to the floor before it blows up?

Can I borrow your car?




I thought my clock was broken: the second hand didn’t move for a second.



Bubble Wrap Factory

I bet people are pretty stress free working in a bubble wrap factory.

When the heat comes down, just start popping those bubbles.

I bet there aren’t too many accidents either!



Alarm Clocks

The sound coming from the clock was alarming!!!




It’s just a hunch, but I think you should see a chiropractor!