Tag Archives: bamboo

Preyground Equipment

 

The trapping of success has alluded me thus far.

 

note: always send in a piece of bamboo, with a safety rope attached, to check the panda traps.

double note: I’m a bit worried about the time when all the animals have been trapped, shot, and stuffed. What will the hunters hunt? … mmm.

triple note: I was trapped with the “What are you thinking about?” question … but I escaped intactless.

quadruple note: answering “What are you thinking about?” with “I’m thinking about what to name our 10th child.” could go either way.

quintuple note: low-tech trappers, puppeteers, and people with really small tight bathing suits are always pulling strings.

sextuple note:

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Today #45

Today was the last day of my former life.

When I’m Not Blogging I Also Go To …

Kamakura/Hayama/Zushi in Kanagawa, Japan!

And I take pictures of …

Merry Everything!

Advertisements for booze that cover all occasions.

chicks walking and ... Mt. Fuji

Young women walking on the side of the road … Oh! and Mt. Fuji in the background.

caged Gods
Caged Gods. The one in the back righthand corner could be you!

shave and a haircut 2 bits

Cowboy Hair Saloons!  “Just a trim pardner.”

bamboo my friends; bamboo!

Bamboo! I can’t emphasize this enough.

organized rocks and stuff

Serious gardens.

 

electricity repairman nightmare
Possible problematic situations for power line crews. 
“Better bring the chainsaw Takahiro!”

blurry torii gate

Torii gates at dusk. I feel a beer or two coming on.

pinocchio

Beggars.

“Excuse me sir. Could you spare a bit of change so I can get a bowl of noodles.”
“Sorry, your nose tells me you’re going to spend it on booze and women.”

Kamakura Manga Brothers

Cool walkway art.

merry christmas

Tacky Christmas Decorating #1.

merry christmas?

Tacky Christmas Decorating #2. Buddha says, “Have a good one with everything!”
(I missed the deadline for this contest)

dig your own spot

Creative Parking.  ” No problem! Gotta bit o’ dynamite?”

no beach party bingoing!

Beach Blanket Bingo No Go Zones. 
Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello are not welcome at Denny’s.

cool bike

Strange Motorcycles.
What’s the ride-ability feasibility on this thing? I smell backache in its simplicitiosity and designtinaity.

dogs pooing flowers or something

Signs about animal shite.
“Your dog is not allowed to poo flowers here. And if it does, you better be picking up its petals!”

 

 

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How To Look Cool In Photos

People always ask me, “Planetross, how can I look cool in photos like you?”

First I have to explain that they can’t; it’s a photogenetic thing that you have in your kodachromes and monochromes or you don’t.  But …. here are a few pointers to improve your photo-coolness factor without having to buy special cameras with shutter speeds and apertures, or join groups like ISO. 

Tip #1:  Use bamboo

Bamboo is a universally accepted high quality multipurpose flexible usage item.

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You might not look any better, but most people will be distracted by how great bamboo is and just think you are too: Greatness by association has worked well for many things: peanut butter would be nothing with out jam, no Jerry Lewis-no Dean Martin, Paul McCartney would have been nothing with out those Wings, … I’m sure you can think of others.

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See how the magic of the bamboo distracts you from the bamboo holder! You are probably thinking, “I want to get my hands on some of that bamboo and be like that guy in the photo. Mmmm …. he must be cool too!

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Just in case you are a bit slow: bamboo my friends … bamboo!

 

Tip #2: Flags and Seagulls

Two common everyday items that most people have easy access to in their bathroom cabinets.

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Shake the dust off those flags and seagulls and use them to your advantage. (burning flags and seagulls usually won’t win you any cool points though)
How many times have you seen athletes, leaders of state, and large crowds of people waving flags, wrapping themselves in flags, or saluting flags and thought to yourself …. Mmmm …. that’s pretty cool, but it could be better with a few seagulls as well.

 

Tip #3: Ball Caps, Bridges, and Temples

Separately these things may make you look uncool; but together, very powerful.  

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Having your head only cover about 1% of the photo helps too!

 

Tip #4: Be in a photo with 2 women and a box of doughnuts

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Facing away from the camera, pretending to take a photo … but actually thinking about those lovely doughnuts and how wonderful it would be if those women forgot them on the bench when they left, or even just took their eyes off of them for a second, or didn’t threaten to report me to the police for stalking them with my creepy friend standing behind them chanting “eat the doughnuts bury the bodies“.

 

Tip #5: Be photographed in a cool vehicle

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I don’t have any photos of that, so here is one of me in my van.

 

Final Tip:

If everything else fails to make you look cool in photos, then stick your head in a garbage receptacle or anything else it will fit in to: box, lampshade, KFC chicken bucket, tuba, old cannon barrel, pet carrying cage, toilet, …

matshshima-0191

 

If you think you look cool in photos already and are not following the above guidelines, you probably hang out with sycophantic people who tell you lies because you have pots of money, or have a very high opinion of yourself, or are one of the lucky people who were born with several focal points, or depth of field, or isotopes, or some other thing that camera sales people talk about while I feign interest and am really just thinking about what color the camera case will be.

 

note: all photos taken by Kelly Pettit, except for the Bamboo sign one which I urinated on once, but it’s rained since so that’s okay.

 

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