A Vegetative Statement

 

When I eat a vegetarian dish, I always pretend one of the ingredients is meat.

Somehow, it doesn’t make the dish taste any better.

“This asparagus is the worst pork I’ve ever eaten!“

… but I do it anyway.

 

note: there’s a time and place for vegetables … in the Spring and in the ground. hee hee!

double note: I actually like most vegetables … just not those asparaguseses.

triple note: when I eat rare meat I pretend it’s a vegetable. “Man! I love this bloody onion!”

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Today #263

Today all my night classes cancelled, so I took the evening off. On the drive home at 6pm I noticed traffic, shops open, and people.
It was pretty freaky!

Cauliflower

 

I used to like cauliflower as well as I could spell it when I was kid … which wasn’t very well … or much … or not at all.

I was forced to eat it … under the threat of no dessert.

But as an adult I like it very much.

I guess my point is … why do parents make kids eat stuff they don’t like when it only means less for them?

If I had kids, I’d only laydown the “eat it or no dessert” line … if it was something I didn’t like eating … or there wasn’t any dessert … or I was too full … like asparagus.

 

note: I know the above photo isn’t of cauliflower: it’s a sheep farm.

double note: asparagus is quite full most of the time.

triple note: I didn’t like brocolli as a kid either … until my sister started calling them brocoltrees … and then they tasted pretty good.

quadruple note: don’t worry, I don’t have kids or asparagus.

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Today #239

Today I finally broke through the 500,000 point barrier on the i-phone game “Hungry Shark 3“!  I told everyone I know, but I guess they just aren’t fishermen like me.

Noah’s Ark

 

I’m glad Noah wasn’t in charge of saving all the vegetables

… because he did a pretty good job with the animals.

 

note: maybe Noah didn’t really do a good job saving pairs of all the different animals.
“deadmen tell no tales.” or “extinct animals have no tails” or something like that.

double note: … so let me get this straight, there were no rainbows but a lot of unicorns before the flood and a lot of rainbows and no unicorns after the flood?
I’d rather have the unicorns; you could eat unicorns.

promissory note: It’s hard to find someone who works for rainbows these days. I guess we don’t live in the age of miracles anymore … and work for money instead … which is just another type of promise really.

triple note: not really connected but very close in a similar way kind of: In Search Of …  and  Still In Search Of ….

quadruple note: “but the loveliest of all was the asparagus”.

 

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Theo’s Thoughts

 

 This is the story of Theo when he was eight and not so rottenish yet.

Theo thought he needed a hobby; actually, his parents insisted he do something other than skulk around claiming he was bored all the time.

All his friends had hobbies: sports cards, stamps, coins, trainspotting, advanced robotics, …

One of his friends even collected teeth; but his father was a dentist, so that was only mildly disturbing.

Theo decided to collect his thoughts.

He would put them in jars, label them, and keep them in a bookcase that was really doing nothing except holding a bunch of  books.

He thought about all the thoughts he thought in one day …or at least thought about all the thoughts he thought he thought about in one day … and realized he had too many thoughts to collect all of them.
 He only had 35 jars, so he decided “happy thoughts” might be a good start.

Over the next few weeks he collected and organized all his “happy thoughts” about finding money, ice cream, toys, running through sprinklers, …

In no time at all, all his jars were full!
Surprisingly, 3 jars were exclusively filled with “happy thoughts” about ice cream!

It was a very fine collection of thoughts.

He soon realized that since all his “happy thoughts” were bottled up, labelled, and stacked away; he had a very large number of “sad thoughts” floating around in his head.
With no “happy thoughts” to chase the “sad thoughts” away, they just lingered.

This made him sadder.

Theo decided it would be a good idea to free all his “happy thoughts” and start collecting his “sad thoughts” instead.

He refilled his jars with “sad thoughts” about broken bones, no dessert, vaccination needles, dropped ice cream cones, dentist visits …

 

It took him a whole month to fill up all 35 jars. 

He concluded that “sad thoughts” were more difficult to trap  than “happy thoughts” because they didn’t like jars.

With no more “sad thoughts” in his head, Theo thought he’d be really happy: but he wasn’t.

Without any “sad thoughts” to balance his “happy thoughts“, his “happy thoughts” weren’t as strong or happy anymore …  kind of like appreciating being healthy a lot more after being sick … or how a cold Winter makes Spring’s arrival so much better. He needed both sadly, or happily.

Theo decided to release his “sad thoughts” and resolved  never to collect his thoughts ever again.

He used the 35 jars to catch colds instead.

 

note: The jar of asparaguses on the floor is not a “sad thought“: Theo just dropped it accidentally on purpose while walking by the bookcase on the way to the dinner table. He had a “happy thought” right after he did this for some reason.

 

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Food Allergies

 

 

It must be tough having a food allergy.

Watching other people enjoy something that could potentially be fatal to you.

If I had a food allergy, I’d want to be allergic to asparagus …

because I don’t like that crap anyway.

 

 

note: If you know you will die if you eat a certain food, but eat it anyway; is it suicide or just poor nutritional habits?

Another “Still More Too Much Time”

3 Things I Don’t Eat

asparagus, esophagus, sarcophagus.

 

Model Ships in Bottles

Big Deal! I want to see a large ship in a massive bottle. Now that would be cool!

 

Dust Bunnies

They breed like rabbits.

 

Barbers in Seville

I bet they get tired of that joke.

 

Self Exploratory Surgery

Don’t go there girlfriend!

 

Cobwebs

Why do I have them? I didn’t eat corn.

 

Greenhouses

They’re just big plastic bags.

 

The Great White Shark

What’s so great about it? I’ve never seen a regular white shark to compare it with.

 

Nudists and Adam

I bet they don’t have the “lint in the belly button” problem.

 

Unicycles

I was doing fine until the training wheels came off.

 

note: if you missed the first 3 in this series and you are a glutton for punishment:

https://planetross.wordpress.com/2008/04/11/too-much-time/

https://planetross.wordpress.com/2008/04/13/still-too-much-time/

https://planetross.wordpress.com/2008/05/18/still-more-too-much-time/

 

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