Key To Happiness

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I don’t believe there is a key to happiness,

… but the lock to happiness is on my door at work

… when I close it before going home.

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note: having the monkey to happiness on your back is probably a good thing.

double note: being named Lock Smith at birth may limit your career paths later in life subconsciously.

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what I’m listening to now #13: the wind breaking … or something like that.

It’s Just … Not Working

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When people say,

“It’s never too early to start thinking about retirement.“,
I have to agree
… most days I’m thinking about not working before I even get out of bed in the morning.

Once I’m at work it’s too late to seriously think about not working
… it’s just a silly daydream from then on.

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note: my retirement plan is not working. It’s a pretty simple plan.

double note: if I didn’t work, I probably would keep myself for sentimental reasons  … not like those stupid cheap batteries I buy!

Onerifics

 

I don’t like honorifics, titles, or crap that comes before my name.

It makes me uneasy/queasy hearing it.

I am just Ross … or planetross to some of you.

Please don’t call me “mister“!

… even if I have a spray bottle and a fern closeby.

 

note: something weird is happening at work, so I won’t be around for a month or two probably.
I’m going to be busier than usual … and a little richer … and a little more tired most likely.

double note: I guess the word is called weird because it doesn’t follow the “i” before “e” except after “c” rule.
That’s weird!

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Today #374

Today I realized that a  “months of Sundays” is just that usually … 4 Sundays.
I always thought it meant everyday was Sunday for a whole month. … I guess eventually it will mean that when I’m much older.

My Stool Is Yellow!

 

I sit on this stool at work for about 2 hours everyday.

It’s 11 inches high. (28 centimetres)

I kind of like sitting on it: sometimes I sit on it when I don’t have to.

It keeps me grounded

… or very close to grounded.

 

note: some people ask me if I feel like a kid sitting on this stool. The answer is no: … the real kids sitting on the other stools keep me in line … and call me old … and a boogerface … and stuff like that.

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Today #343

Today I was going to take a blogging break, but I’m sure something stupid will pop into my head tomorrow … like a popping balloon … that’s against my head.
I’ll wait and see.

Dream Job

 

When people ask me what my dream job would be, I say …

“What? I have to work in my dreams too!”

 

note: “Why are you so tired today?“
           ” I got up late because I had to work overtime at my dream
           job.“

double note: I wouldn’t mind being a butcher though … or the person who fills those meat vending machines … or maybe that’s in my dreams.

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Today #270

Today was like a roast beef sandwich with bread and butter pickles soaking through the bread. It was pretty good.

Resume

 

I’ll have to update my resume … if I ever resume jobhunting.

 

note: I have no idea why it says “RESUME” outside this garbage point/elevator area in a local carpark.

double note: it must be quite rare for a person to have had only one job in a lifetime … even Jesus was a carpenter before he hit the big time!

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Today 237

Today was like watching a cloud: it looked interesting, kept changing bit by bit, and then when I looked away for a second … it was gone.

Bang Bang Bang … Let Me Out!

 

I never used to be a “working stiff” … I used to be an “unemployed stiff”

… or a child.

I know! It’s hard to tell looking at me now!

 

note: benders seem to start with someone bending my arm … and then they turn into more weavy and staggery affairs.

double note: if I didn’t have to work, I would probably fart around on the computer more, more or less … or moralless … or something like that.

triple note: for newcomers to the blog, this is what it says if you hover the cursor over the photo: “This is how I feel at work.”

quadruple note: I’m quite un-unemployable: it’s a curse.

quintuple note: somedays I know what The Tragically Hip were singing about in this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-WBZMRFFkU&ob=av2e

sextuple note: I don’t feel too bad about going into work normally … or usually though.

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Today #234

Today my old lighter died, so I grabbed another one from my extensive back-up inventory. The new one is red: thanks for asking.

Short Ordering

 

I hate when people tell me what to do!
I will do what I want!
I don’t care what you say!
Screw you Simon Says!

 

note: I don’t want to put my right foot in either.

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Today #211

I killed about a million zombies at work today: it was pretty quiet.

Nozomi Ohashi … Again?

 

Nozomi Ohashi is back again!

If I was a Japanese child, I don’t think I would like her very much: she only seems to show up to notify kids about tests these days.

I bet if you saw Mickey Mouse on your decatheter or Hello Kitty on your speeding tickets, they wouldn’t look so cute anymore.

I have visions of Nozomi trying to hold back the tears in some Tokyo park while shouting, “No! There isn’t a test! … I just want to play tag with you!” … as all the other kids run away from her.

 

note: do you know what’s better than …

        ?

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       hee hee!

 

double note: the other Nozomi Ohashi entries are here and here.

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Today #183

Today is the last day of work for a week: I’m on holidays. I’m going to be like a bad idea for the next week. … I’m not going anywhere.

Non-Existentialism

 

Sometimes I think, “Why am I here?”

And then I think if I was never here, I could never say
“You had to have been there.” to somebody.

because really … that’s the best thing to say
… when someone wasn’t there.

 

note: if other people were never here, I’d probably think about them … because they sure wouldn’t. People who were never here never think about themselves: … they are pretty selfless.
I don’t know anyone like that though … for some reason.

double note: I don’t want to go to the “hereafter“; but I’d happily go to the “everafter“.

triple note: I found the kernel of this idea hiding in my drafts from 8 months ago. I don’t know what I was thinking then … some things never change.

quadruple note: I’m officially over my limit for uploading photos on WordPress. I will have to pull out my credit card and get an upgrade for the next post.

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Today 165

Today the kid that puked on my rug last week brought me a baumkuchen cake  as an apology offering.