Construction Criticism

The skyscapers have finished their work.

It’s just the landscapers that are holding up this project.

 

note: I’m a finalist in a “one liner“contest over at Tacky Raccoons. If you have a spare moment, could you click the link here and vote for planetross … or the other guy, Wheels.

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Today #63

Today is just another day, but when it comes down to it … most people would like just another day everyday.

The Sweetest Things #1

 

Of everything I’ve learnt over the years … solving the shoe mystery is one of the sweetest.

 

note: wordpress  is having a video contest for things people are thankful for. I don’t have a video camera to be thankful for this year, but …
I thought I’d just throw some things I’m thankful for out there.

double note: Do people who don’t wear shoes screw up when they finally have to put a pair on? … just wondering.

triple note: the “underwear dilemma” still causes problems on dark days.

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notes to myself #66

You master most of the childhood things: shoes on the right feet, telling time, shoelaces, bicycles, …
You will never be able to do the gap-toothed spitting thing though. sorry.

One – Nothing

I have something to show you. No, this isn’t it.

No. That’s not it either. Just hang on a second.

Did you see it? No?

PUNCH BUGGY!!!

 

note: some people play “Peanut”, but they’re just pacifists … or have no arms … or something like that.

double note: a “pacifist fight” is pretty lame.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Trivial Bets

Don’t you love trivial bets?

No money involved … just your absolute certainty up against someone else’s absolute certainty.

Before the answer is discovered, you can …

trashtalk and browbeat each other severely.

list all the reasons why you are correct and why the other person is wrong  … although that never seems to persuade the other person.

question the other person’s mental health for being so misinformed.

make exaggerated “I can’t believe you think that!” facial expressions along with verbal chastisements like “You’ll see!” and “You are so wrong!” and “How can you live!“.  (that last ones my favourite)

… and once the answer is looked up and verified … because no one admits defeat without a second opinion, the winner basks in glory for about 5 seconds before the loser tries for redemption with another trivial question.

 

note: a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing … but little bits of knowledge is okay.

double note: it’s getting more difficult to go through the entire arsenal of taunts now that Google is around.

triple note: “crib” isn’t trivial … I was just dusting off the board in preparation for the arrival of my crib playing sister and thought it was a good visual aid to do with scoring points.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Speed Walking

 

Being the fastest speedwalker in the world is a big accomplishment.

It’s probably comparable to conquering the highest hill in the world!

 

note: I’m going to try out for the National “Speed Limping” team.

double note: Is the “standing broad jump” still around?
                           I was pretty good at that in my prime …ary school days.

triple note: the highest hill in the world is Cavanal Hill in Poteau, Oklahoma U.S.A. (according to wikipedia) registering in at 1,999 feet. I don’t think they really measured all the hills in the world though.

quadruple note: I’d mention the reigning world champion speedwalker, but really who cares that much. So … here is Bill Nye the Science Guy as “Speed Walker”

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

When I’m Not Blogging I Go To …

 Matsushima, Miyagi Prefecture Japan

Matsushima is a small town on the North East Coast of Japan. It is home to one of the “Three Views” in Japan. (more info about all Three Views here)

I left the computer reluctantly and drove for 6 hours with my friend Kelly Pettit  to Sendai, Miyagi. We arrived in late afternoon, found a hotel, and enjoyed being in a big city with lots of people for a change. After visiting an izakaya (restaurant/bar) and another watering hole, we called it a night.

In the morning we awoke to no water!! The hotel’s water supply had been cut off for reasons we never did discover. Not a good start to the day.

We drove the  40 minutes to Matsushima and took a 50 minute boat tour of the Bay. For the first 20 minutes the main attraction was the seagulls that followed the boat. The seagull food for sale looked very similar to processed potato snacks.

 

After everyone got over being excited about the seagulls, the islands came fast and furious. There are about 260 little islands dotting the bay. I didn’t count them all, but there are probably enough to have a salad dressing named after them.

All the islands have names. I can’t remember any of them, but I’m pretty sure none of them are called Ross or Kelly island.

I thought this bay would be a good location for a Bond villain’s house or a high speed jetboat chase; but I think that about everywhere usually, so don’t get too excited. 
I also named all the seagulls: this one is Sammy. 

Oysters are a big business here. There are hundreds of these things in the bay. Water skiing is frowned upon.

Coming back in to the dock we saw our next destination: the small temple hall Godaido. 

We crossed over 2 little bridges and navigated our way around the hundreds of people navigating around us. These temple posts were dressed up the same way as the stillborn/miscarriage Mizuko Jizo statues nathaliewithanh describes in more detail here accompanied by great photos of the usual Mizuko Jizo.

 

Like most temples and shrines, there are ornate carvings. I’d show more, but looking over my photos I’ve realized that I’m a bad photographer. Who knew? 

After Godaido, we climbed up a few streets and got a better view of the area. We visited Fukuurajima in the background later in the day.

We decided that we didn’t want to walk around all day with bad hair from not having showers in the morning, so we visited an onsen (hotbath). Sorry no photos. The above photo is not of an onsen, but of a man on a bicycle.

Feeling clean and refreshed, we drove to a view point overlooking the town and bay.

I rang the bell.

I thought the bell’s hook thingy looked pretty cool.

 

Back in town we walked passed this pagoda on the way to Fukuurajima.

 

Finally the sun came out and we crossed the 252 meter bridge to the nature reserve. There were a lot of good views of some islands from this island, a little temple, and 2 young women with a box of doughnuts that thought we were stalking them. (the 2 young women not the doughnuts)

Down on a little beach Kelly took a bunch of cool photos of me looking cool, but he hasn’t given them to me yet. Did I say I looked very extremely cool in them? Because I did. I took this photo of an island looking a little cool. (me looking cool; not the island)

We eventually checked in to a little Japanese hotel, ate a big seafood dinner, wandered around the town at night, exclaimed repeatedly that it was a “swing a dead cat town at night” sort of place, and then tried to get in to a bit of trouble anyway with out too much success.

The next morning found us back on the highway heading home at tremendous speeds and happy that we had made the journey. 

 

note: One of the above photos is actually a photo of a poster. Can you guess which one?  I’m not sure what I will send the winner, but it will be amazing! If more than one person guesses the correct photo, I will give a prize to the first correct guesser, or draw a name out of a hat, or send an amazing prize to all people with the correct answer, or something along those lines.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Dreams

I don’t usually remember my dreams, but I do acknowledge that I have them.

 

Some people say they don’t dream.

I tell them that they just dream that they don’t dream.

 

This usually confuses them and they change the subject.

 

Last night I dreamt I was entering a spelling bee and my chances were pretty good.
I’d sized up the competition, and found them lacking.
I was guaranteed to win　…

and then I woke up!

What a rip off!

 

 

note:  I didn’t want to enter that stupid imaginary spelling contest anyway.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

Wet T-Shirt Contests

My friend wanted to enter a wet t-shirt contest, but the dry cleaners ruined all her wet t-shirts.

 

note: if a woman wears a “wife beater“, does she call it a “husband beater“?

double note: Why do you have a dirty briefcase?

                         I don’t do laundry until tomorrow.

 

http://humor-blogs.com/

A Popularity Contest

 

I teach English in Japan: a lot of my students are children.

I have the following 5 toys/games sitting on my desk at work.

Which do you think is the most popular?  (cast your vote now: see below for grand prize)

1. Cube World: interchangeable cubes with stick-men doing funny things, visiting their neighbours, and doing more funny things. Each has a little game you can play too! Please don’t drop them, they were expensive!

                                            

     2.   Easy Button: press the button and it says “That was easy”. Stepping on it is strictly forbidden!

                                             

     3.   Assorted Wind-Up Toys: wind them up; they flip, spin, hop, crawl, chatter, or march across the table. No, you wind it the other way!

                                            

     4.   Barrel of Monkeys: link the monkeys; 10 pts. for red ones, 5 pts. for blue, 2 pts. for yellow. Link all 12 for the maximum 68 pts. One hand only please!

                                            

     5.   Assorted Fruit and Vegetable Erasers: play “what’s missing?” or just be mesmerized by their amazingness. Some with detachable pieces. Please don’t put them in your mouth.

                                           

Grand Prize: an autographed copy of Kelly Pettit‘s award winning CD “FUEL“!

http://cdbaby.com/cd/kellypettit

http://www.meermusic.com/content/artists/public/digipres.asp?iid=40382

http://www.meermusic.com/

You have one week starting …….NOW!

note: in the event of a tie, winner will be chosen by names in a hat.

double note: Yes this is a shameless plug for my friend, but his music is great!

And just awarded Track of the Month on Fame Games for “She’s just like summer“!

Congrats!!