Monthly Archives: January 2011

Cutting Edge Technology … That Isn’t Knives

  

 

The Driver’s Licence Office gave me a fluorescent armband when I renewed my licence yesterday.

It’s straight like a ruler, but when you whack it against your arm it coils around by itself magically.

I don’t know why it’s fluorescent though.

I guess so I can find it in the dark with a flashlight when I want to play with it.

 

note: I asked for one in black, but they didn’t have any of those.

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Today #117

I hope the rest of today is cloaked in mystery … because it would kind of suck if it wasn’t there at all.

Fossil Fools!

 

Who’s to blame for the use of fossil fuels and all the havoc they wreak?

The damn extinct animals! … and archeologists!!!

Those 2 are dirt in my books … or close to it.

 

note: if things didn’t die, archeologists would just be burglars probably.

double note: I knew those dinosaurs were trouble when they showed up in that Jurassic Park movie!

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Today #116

Today was all jibbly jabbly and wagga wagga. You know what I mean.

Opting For The Mistic

 

I’m a pretty optimistic person.

When something really terrible happens,
I never think “I want to crawl into a hole and die.

… I’m sure someone will put me in the hole after I die.

I’m a pretty optimistic person really.

 

note: the only person I know who has crawled into a hole is Alice … and she seemed to do quite well.

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Today #115

Today is payback day!!!
oh! I mean payday.
That’s almost as good.

Snowmen

 

I could be wrong,
But I’m pretty sure:
Snowmen are classified using a
Binomial Snomenclature.

 

note: Snomo Sapien?

double note:Can you tell me about plants and animals?
                               ” Sorry, that information is classified.

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Today #114

Today I only had time to make a snowbaby.
Hey! I was pretty busy!

4WD

 

A Four Wheel Drive motorcycle would be cool.

 

note: I had a four wheel drive bicycle as a kid … or maybe those were training wheels.

double note: a two wheel drive unicycle would probably be good in the snow.

triple note: 4 Wheel Driveways are pretty standard.

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Today #113

I’m going for the perfect day today … crap! I spilt my coffee!
correction: I’m planning for the perfect day tomorrow today.

Humour … Or Humorbid?

 

Punchlines, slapstick, and side-splitting humour

… always leave me in stitches for some reason.

 

note: people who aren’t funny shouldn’t be taken seriously.

double note: I have to change my clothes: excuse me while I slip on a banana peel.

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Today #112

Today was all over the place … you probably had it where you live too!

Adam and Steve

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note: The Garden of Edam is in Holland … or The Netherlands maybe.

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Today #111 (111 is a single digit really)

Today I realized that I’m an obsoletist.

Nostalgenarian

 

Nostalgically reminiscing while thinking about memories of the old days?

I’ve been doing that since birth!

 

note: I can’t remember any of my childhood mammaries … maybe I didn’t have any.

double note: remembering things you forgot, and then remembering that you forgot and then remembered them, is kind of a waste of memory space.

triple note: if humans could remember everything that they ever learned or happened to them, I bet our heads would be really big … and we wouldn’t have too many friends.

quadruple note: people don’t say “Happy Universary” enough.

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Today #110

Today the universe asked me why it was here.

UD

 

I forgot my ID one day and it could have turned into a big hassle, but my friend had a piece of paper proving who I was.

He has my “UD” documents.

… they’re not really documents though, they’re more like “vouchers”.

 

note: “May I see his youdentification please. He takes a pretty bad photo doesn’t he?”

double note: children’s passports should be smaller than adults’ passports: they should be “passportional“.

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Today #109

I don’t like writing these “Today” things in the morning because I don’t know what the day will really be like … and then I have to make something up. hee hee!

Nipponderings #2: Daruma

Daruma are papermachè heads people buy in Japan to make special wishes: to pass a big exam, recover from an illness, find a good job, get married, …
The eyes are blank when bought. People colour in the left eye and make their wish. When the wish is fulfilled, the right eye is coloured in … and then the daruma are burnt in a ceremony in early January.

 

note: I’ve had the same daruma for 10 years. I wished for the other eye to be coloured in … but if that wish came true, how can I colour in the other eye?
I guess I should have wished for world peace … or something more likely.

double note: the doll represents the Indian priest Bodhidharma, the founder of Zen Buddhism in China, who is said to have lost the use of his arms and legs after spending nine years meditating in a cave.

triple note: Nipponderings #1: Rice is here.

quadruple note: in this area the burning ceremony is called “Dondonyaki” and people burn their New Year’s pine door ornaments, daruma, and other old goodluck charms that might be lying around the house. Some people throw coins into the fire; and kids retrieve the money … once the fire is out. (I would throw chocolate coins. hee hee!)

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Today #108

Today some kid imitated how I speak. I may file a “Speech Patternity” suit against him.