I’m so lazy …
– I don’t cut the tags off of clothing.
– if I were a Jedi I’d use the centrifical Force.
– I can only swallow half a pill.
– the fingernails on the other hand will have to wait to be cut.
– I only use parts of speech.
– I breath out oxygen.
– I avoid blinking.
– I wash my pants with the belt still on them.
– I assume people just give me colorful packages as presents.
– my hair stops growing.
– I wish there was a 100 year calendar to put on my wall.
(I’m optimistically lazy sometimes)
– I pretend that thing in the fridge is cheese.
– I contract contractions: ‘m, u’r, h’s, s’s, sh’v, w’v, c’v, …
– I don’t shuffle cards; I just play a different game.
– I just eat vegetable seeds from the nursery.
– I’m even too lazy to pretend I’m sick to cover up my laziness.
– light switches are too much like heavy lifting.
– I throw out scratch tickets after I buy them.
(I’m pessimistically lazy sometimes)
– escalators are work.
– I don’t count sheep: I consider them a group.
– I buy skinless, boneless, and meatless chicken.
-I tuck my hands up my shirt sleeves, so people won’t ask why my shirt is unbuttoned.
-I tell fast food staff not to wrap my burger because I’m really into recycling.
– I drink untapped water.
note: Do fast food places even have dishwashers?
double note: I’m not really this lazy. … I’m more phasey or possibly malaisey sometimes.
triple note: my brother sent me 2 Winter Olympic toques … so I don’t know what I’ll have for a picture tomorrow.
quadruple note: I never use that “Proofread Writing” button up in the toolbox. I don’t think it would understand me.
quintuple note: the change in your pocket isn’t going to change your life drastically, so please stick it in one of those “Haiti” boxes that are probably everywhere. It could drastically change someone else’s.
sextuple note: … or any other “cause box” of your choice. “Just Be Cause” is my new slogan.
… I’m getting all Sally Strutherery.
notes to myself #125
You eventually lose contact with all your peers from play school. Oh! you’ve forgotten them already? … nevermind.