I’m So Lazy

 

I’m so lazy …

– I don’t cut the tags off of clothing.

– if I were a Jedi I’d use the centrifical Force.

– I can only swallow half a pill.

– the fingernails on the other hand will have to wait to be cut.

– I only use parts of speech.

– I breath out oxygen.

– I avoid blinking.

– I wash my pants with the belt still on them.

– I assume people just give me colorful packages as presents.

– my hair stops growing.

– I wish there was a 100 year calendar to put on my wall.
(I’m optimistically lazy sometimes)

– I pretend that thing in the fridge is cheese.

– I contract contractions: ‘m, u’r, h’s, s’s, sh’v, w’v, c’v, …

– I don’t shuffle cards; I just play a different game.

– I just eat vegetable seeds from the nursery.

– I’m even too lazy to pretend I’m sick to cover up my laziness.

– light switches are too much like heavy lifting.

– I throw out scratch tickets after I buy them.
(I’m pessimistically lazy sometimes)

– escalators are work.

– I don’t count sheep: I consider them a group.

– I buy skinless, boneless, and meatless chicken.

-I tuck my hands up my shirt sleeves, so people won’t ask why my shirt is unbuttoned.

-I tell fast food staff not to wrap my burger because I’m really into recycling.

– I drink untapped water.

 

note: Do fast food places even have dishwashers?

double note: I’m not really this lazy. … I’m more phasey or possibly malaisey sometimes.

triple note: my brother sent me 2 Winter Olympic toques … so I don’t know what I’ll have for a picture tomorrow.

quadruple note: I never use that “Proofread Writing” button up in the toolbox. I don’t think it would understand me.

quintuple note: the change in your pocket isn’t going to change your life drastically, so please stick it in one of those “Haiti” boxes that are probably everywhere.  It could drastically change someone else’s.

sextuple note: … or any other “cause box” of your choice. “Just Be Cause” is my new slogan.
… I’m getting all Sally Strutherery.

.

notes to myself #125

You eventually lose contact with all your peers from play school. Oh! you’ve forgotten them already? … nevermind.

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8 responses to “I’m So Lazy

  1. I do not believe you are lazy….just “special.” LOL You do have a way with life and all of it’s craziness! I love it all! I do not consider it lazy. Wait, does that mean I am lazy too? 🙂

  2. Gosh! Where did he find a touque like that? Are you sure it isn’t a woman’s hat? If it is you should give it back to her!

    If you were truly lazy you wouldn’t breath at all!

  3. i fast forward to the end of books on tape…

  4. I love this post! It actually made me laugh.

    The first one about the tags reminds me of when I used to work down town near our Chinatown. A lot of Chinese guys never cut off the tack stitched labels on their suit coat sleeves. I’m guessing they wanted other people to see what label they were wearing.

  5. Man, I’d laugh – but you know……I just couldn’t be bothered.

    If I had the energy, I might have thought this to be really funny though…..

  6. Thanks for the comments.

    Doraz: I always look around for someone lazier than me to make me feel more productive.
    Those people are getting harder and harder to find though. hee hee!

    S. Le: I think those were the official colors of the Vancouver Canucks jersey for a while … maybe he was having a flashback or something. hee hee!

    tsanda: you don’t use capital letters either! hee hee!

    razzbuffnik: thanks.
    there must be a lot of Chinatowns in China. hee hee!

    Kelly Pettit: yeah I know. hee hee!

  7. Goodness than how do you even manage to turn on the computer ? !!

  8. Tasneem R: there is an “on” switch? hee hee!

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